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AIBU?

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Solo night away - dh not happy

367 replies

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 22:02

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 14/04/2026 09:03

Mere1 · 14/04/2026 08:41

I’m not confused. I have an opinion.

What is your opinion? That women shouldn’t stay in hotels? That this particular woman shouldn’t stay in an hotel?

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 14/04/2026 09:01

Ahsheeit · 14/04/2026 08:55

Read again. Selfish is always mentioned as a bad thing. It's not.

Definition:

"caring only about what you want or need without any thought for the needs or wishes of other people"

Taking time to do this occasionally isn't bad when it means you get to recoup and relax. It's right to prioritise yourself occasionally.

I did read it. I appreciate that the post wasn’t criticising her I feel it’s unfair to call her selfish.

The definition you’ve provided suggests she has no care or thoughts for the wishes of others which is grossly unfair.

Prioritising yourself once in a while doesn’t automatically make you selfish

ConverselyAttired · 14/04/2026 09:00

Leopardspota · 14/04/2026 08:57

Just to add … being anxious about a weekend alone doesn’t make you a bad parent. I hate nights/weekends on my own. Especially when my babies were younger. I’d always ask someone to stay if I could (my husband travels with work every few months and has had the odd stag do) as does my husband!

No, it doesn't, but I think the way you express this can make you a bad partner/spouse.

APatternGrammar · 14/04/2026 09:00

Good for you for sticking to your guns. Imagine if you had shown him that he got to dictate this and what effect that would have had on the rest of your marriage/life.
If he did his fair share, you‘d have much less to recover from.

BoogieTownTop · 14/04/2026 09:00

I’d say

I’m not sorry you’re not happy about it, but you’ll get over it. 🤷‍♀️

Katemax82 · 14/04/2026 08:59

Applecup · 13/04/2026 22:05

Not sure why you have to go to a hotel. Just have a good nights sleep at home.

She lives an hour away....

Leopardspota · 14/04/2026 08:57

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 22:47

Not defending him. Dont see the value in slagging him off online. I have a plan on how to handle things from now on and we have discussed him taking over quite a bit and me stepping back to hen do isnt a shock for him or baby! And yes that'll continue!

Just to add … being anxious about a weekend alone doesn’t make you a bad parent. I hate nights/weekends on my own. Especially when my babies were younger. I’d always ask someone to stay if I could (my husband travels with work every few months and has had the odd stag do) as does my husband!

Ally886 · 14/04/2026 08:56

HazelMember · 14/04/2026 08:07

Is he at work all night too?

Use your loaf. If she leaves the house at 11am for lunch, where is the baby going to be between 11 and when their father finishes work?

Ahsheeit · 14/04/2026 08:55

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 14/04/2026 08:43

Why is it selfish?

Read again. Selfish is always mentioned as a bad thing. It's not.

Definition:

"caring only about what you want or need without any thought for the needs or wishes of other people"

Taking time to do this occasionally isn't bad when it means you get to recoup and relax. It's right to prioritise yourself occasionally.

Illbethereinaminute · 14/04/2026 08:54

Posted too soon...

If you have a willing pair of hands in your mum then absolutely take her up on it!

It's not something you get to do every day and a full night's sleep is essential for everyone.

Enjoy.

Next time fine somewhere with a hot tub!

Illbethereinaminute · 14/04/2026 08:52

I've had at least one night away a year since my children have been born, with or without my husband. Usually we have a few nights together whilst someone else has the kids and I will have 1 or 2 nights away solo (occasionally with a friend or my mum)

Last year I had 2 nights with my mum, one by myself and 2 with my husband.

Soontobesingles · 14/04/2026 08:47

As someone who hasn’t had a full nights sleep for 3 and half
years and whose child point blank refuses to sleep anywhere but my bed - please do this for yourself.

Iocanepowder · 14/04/2026 08:44

You have spent too long in your op trying to justify getting a hotel. You don’t neee to justify it at all. You don’t need to be glued to your child. And yes your DH is a knob.

TroysMammy · 14/04/2026 08:44

Check the hotel room has a bath first. I've stayed in Travelodges and it's usually a shower.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 14/04/2026 08:43

Ahsheeit · 14/04/2026 08:38

Yeah, it's selfish. Selfish is NOT always a bad thing and putting yourself first here is the right thing to do. You get the chance to sleep, relax, look after yourself for a change. Your mum gets the chance to spend time with grandbaby. Whiny man has to cook his own tea.

I have 4 adult children, and both exh and I got time out away from home. We were both better parents for it. Maybe it's time to make it a fairly regular thing.

Why is it selfish?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 14/04/2026 08:43

Tell your husband that you are not asking his permission, you are telling him what you are going to do.

He doesn't get a say in how you spend your time.

Mere1 · 14/04/2026 08:41

Naunet · 14/04/2026 08:28

Because she wants to go to a hotel. Why does that confuse so many women on here?

I’m not confused. I have an opinion.

Ahsheeit · 14/04/2026 08:38

Yeah, it's selfish. Selfish is NOT always a bad thing and putting yourself first here is the right thing to do. You get the chance to sleep, relax, look after yourself for a change. Your mum gets the chance to spend time with grandbaby. Whiny man has to cook his own tea.

I have 4 adult children, and both exh and I got time out away from home. We were both better parents for it. Maybe it's time to make it a fairly regular thing.

ConverselyAttired · 14/04/2026 08:30

CurlewKate · 14/04/2026 07:03

Can the people who say the OP shouldn’t have her night away explain why not? I don’t understand…

Because she is the OP and therefore automatically wrong on AIBU.

ChristmasCwtch · 14/04/2026 08:29

I never thought to do this when mine were little (actually no one offered to have them stay over until they were 5+), but I wish I had done this!!

Enjoy your night alone. It sounds incredible when you’re in the depths of 11-month old!! That age is wonderful but exhausting!!

Naunet · 14/04/2026 08:28

Mere1 · 14/04/2026 07:16

I agree with this.

Because she wants to go to a hotel. Why does that confuse so many women on here?

CurlewKate · 14/04/2026 08:17

HazelMember · 14/04/2026 07:48

What is strange is why the baby needs to go to your mums. What is the point of 'D'H then?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the baby going to her grandma’s. Don’t be ridiculous.

ilovesooty · 14/04/2026 08:13

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 22:14

Its my money!! We pay equal amounts for bills, savings etc but I would be using my own money. The more I type, the more I dont know why I havd posted this!!!

Im booking the hotel!! And it'll be cheap being midweek... ohh maybe not its the easter hols... if its expensive ill go home 😊

I hope you have a lovely time. I'd expect your husband to be pleased for you. He's being horrible.

Bestfootforward11 · 14/04/2026 08:13

Just go to the hotel! Your DH is being unreasonable. It’s one night. I’m guessing he’s been out and about more than you since you had the baby. You are so ‘on’ as a mum when they are little that you really do need some downtime to recharge.

BudgetBuster · 14/04/2026 08:11

HazelMember · 14/04/2026 07:48

What is strange is why the baby needs to go to your mums. What is the point of 'D'H then?

Because it's midweek, he has work, her mother offered to take the baby overnight which was the original trigger. The dad (while yes a bit of a twat) is looking after the child for a weekend while the OP goes to a hen next month....

It's perfectly normal for loving grandparents to want to have their grandkids.