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Solo night away - dh not happy

367 replies

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 22:02

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 14/04/2026 11:02

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This is the most utter, damaging, toxic bollocks.

BudgetBuster · 14/04/2026 11:01

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WTAF did I just read?

A loving grandmother wants to spend time with their grandchild and offers her daughter a break!! That's all that happened.

You seem extremely nasty if you think the grandmother has plotted to see her daughter fail rather than just being a lovely woman giving her daughter a well deserved break.

Shypinkpiggypants · 14/04/2026 10:59

5128gap · 13/04/2026 22:15

He doesn't want you to be away overnight for his own reasons. Probably based in lack of trust. He's using the baby as justification. If you give in, you'll set a precedent and you'll never be 'allowed' any freedom without a fight.

This !
He is jealous , doesn’t trust you or envious your ability to fund this.
I have never had a night away from 2 and 4 year old as we have no family , if I had this offer I’d be snapping my mums hand off! My DH would be delighted for me and delighted to have a night child and wife free !!!

AgnesMcDoo · 14/04/2026 10:51

Clefable · 13/04/2026 22:04

I’d go to the hotel and tell him to fuck off.

My husband actively encourages me to do things for myself like that.

Nailed it.

Do this @Twosugarsplzz

Ally886 · 14/04/2026 10:39

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Here's me thinking Donald Trump spouted some rubbish....

Cherrytree86 · 14/04/2026 10:39

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@Monty36

yes it’s very concerning isn’t it. Sounds like OP’s mum wants OP to get divorced and then steal her baby.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 14/04/2026 10:34

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WTF have I just read....

Ahsheeit · 14/04/2026 10:34

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And respectfully, this is bollocks.

Ahsheeit · 14/04/2026 10:33

usedtobeaylis · 14/04/2026 09:18

In fact by that definition if anyone is being selfish it's her husband, who is dismissive of the OP's needs and wishes and the reality of her life waking up through the night.

You're overthinking this, and it doesn't matter. The crux of it is that the OP is doing the right thing. Semantics don't matter.

Monty36 · 14/04/2026 10:27

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Jayjay225 · 14/04/2026 10:20

Classic MN double standards!

IWaffleAlot · 14/04/2026 10:17

Do it op. You deserve a night off. Nothing selfish about that. Honestly sounds like a dream. And your baby is in safe hands. So sounds like your dh is just jealous and taking that out on you

HazelMember · 14/04/2026 10:14

SummerFrog2026 · 14/04/2026 09:28

Not defending him in general as I think he he needs to start pulling his weight with bed times ' overnight walks, but the baby is being looked after by Grandma because OP's lunch is on a work day & he is working. Besides Grandma wants to look after the baby!

'D'H isn't working all night is he?

He is saying OP is ditching the baby. Why doesn't he look after the baby all night?

Strawberrydelight78 · 14/04/2026 10:12

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 22:10

I could go home no problem. Its only because my mum offered and it would save us both the hr drive late afternoon! Plus, I dont have a bath at home only shower and I started getting excited with the thought of having a lovely bath and then an early night. Bliss!!

I know the feeling I miss having a bath. We have a wetroom which is safer for DD but I do miss having a bath. I always make sure accommodation has a bath when I book somewhere.

Cherrytree86 · 14/04/2026 09:56

I think he sounds like a nasty prick tbh

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/04/2026 09:54

SleepingStandingUp · 14/04/2026 09:38

Read this all new parents. 12 months in and Dad is nervous about parenting his own kid. THIS is why people say to make sure Dad can do what you can do, to go out and get that coffee or go to dinner with your friends even tho baby is still young. Because you get men who simply will not step up until they have to.
At 1, a parent shouldn't be experiencing full parenting for the first time! He should know the baby's routine and habits, should know how to care and comfort them.

OP I'd drop your phone down the loo on the way out to the hen do.

Amen to this sister!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/04/2026 09:52

Ficinothricegreat · 14/04/2026 09:48

Your DH is a wanker. My DH used to work away a lot when our non- sleeping son was little. He used to book me nights away in the city I worked in so I could get a chance at a full nights sleep and lie in and some chilled evenings.

What a lovely considerate husband.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/04/2026 09:51

My mum’s second marriage ended because she went off to business and other things she cared about (eco) with me as a baby. Don’t think she left me with him but she could’ve done. Anyway, dad hit the roof once or twice about it, prob jealousy as she was interviewed on tv (only the once though!). Not entire reason why the marriage ended though.

Dad would’ve preferred a SAHM, which mum was, but she was also her own woman.

Be your own woman/person. No guilt and definitely don’t take DH along. Can’t believe people advocating that. They are not and do not need to be joined at the hip. He’ll manage fine when you’re away for the hen. Will be good for him to bond with his baby.

BudgetBuster · 14/04/2026 09:49

doctorharvey · 14/04/2026 09:42

The other posters point was to police my speech because I policed speech.

At least I was smart enough to understand that, unlike you 😘

No, they were explaining the literal rules.of Mumsnet to you.

Ficinothricegreat · 14/04/2026 09:48

Your DH is a wanker. My DH used to work away a lot when our non- sleeping son was little. He used to book me nights away in the city I worked in so I could get a chance at a full nights sleep and lie in and some chilled evenings.

Angrybird76 · 14/04/2026 09:46

doctorharvey · 14/04/2026 09:32

If they love being single, why did they get married? Your point makes no sense.

If you would divorce your husband over something like this, you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place because you clearly didn't want to marry him in the first place. You could also do with some therapy

While I agree that the 'LTB' is too prolific on Mumsnet, I don't agree that this is a simple run of the mill misunderstanding. Her DH is not only trying to prevent her from having a night away when he doesn't have to do any of the work, but also saying that she is a neglectful parent by wanting to do so. This is serious red flag territory and I would be thinking long and hard about how to handle this.

doctorharvey · 14/04/2026 09:42

BudgetBuster · 14/04/2026 09:37

No.. I'm clarifying what the other posters point was because you're incapable of understanding it.

The other posters point was to police my speech because I policed speech.

At least I was smart enough to understand that, unlike you 😘

millymollymoomoo · 14/04/2026 09:40

God all these people going on about taking dh or spending a night without him! So what? They are not joined at the hip and time alone doing their own stuff is good

op just go, don’t feel guilty in anyway and enjoy it

SleepingStandingUp · 14/04/2026 09:40

BudgetBuster · 14/04/2026 09:35

I'd be really annoyed if my DH blathered kn about how I'm ditching the baby.... then expected me to "ditch the baby" and come home to him with a takeaway.

Honestly some people just can't read the room. OPs DH is a lazy prick of a parent... and people are saying she should reward him instead of having a well deserved break.

Exactly. It isn't about baby, it's about poor hubby having to look after himself (in all ways!) cos his carer has left the building.
At least he's not suggesting she's cheating, that's one thing I suppose on a very low bar.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/04/2026 09:38

Read this all new parents. 12 months in and Dad is nervous about parenting his own kid. THIS is why people say to make sure Dad can do what you can do, to go out and get that coffee or go to dinner with your friends even tho baby is still young. Because you get men who simply will not step up until they have to.
At 1, a parent shouldn't be experiencing full parenting for the first time! He should know the baby's routine and habits, should know how to care and comfort them.

OP I'd drop your phone down the loo on the way out to the hen do.