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Original poster

Solo night away - dh not happy

367 replies

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 22:02

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

OP posts:
Wanderdust · 16/04/2026 00:05

The people saying have a good sleep at home clearly don't have babies who are up 5 times a night!! And it sounds like husband doesn't "do" the wake ups so yeah, hotel is the way to truly relax. Enjoy, I'm very jealous!

Helpboat · 16/04/2026 00:03

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 22:10

I could go home no problem. Its only because my mum offered and it would save us both the hr drive late afternoon! Plus, I dont have a bath at home only shower and I started getting excited with the thought of having a lovely bath and then an early night. Bliss!!

Show quote history

You don’t need to explain to anyone. Your mum is your village and support system. My parents did the same for me and it pretty much saved my sanity because I had a reflux baby that never ever slept ! Take the time off for respite you need it. The quality of sleep you will get is not comparable to when you’re with baby. As for your husband, what a disappointment! He should be encouraging you to have some downtime alone.

moderate · 15/04/2026 23:58

MMAS · 15/04/2026 22:16

I suspect he did not have the whatever to say she was ditching him. Given the baby probably wakes her up most mornings it technically should not be a hardship if her husband woke her up going off to work from the hotel as the joy of just turning over would be massive. Something is being lost in translation between them both. A night away might have sorted it or not.

Given that the baby already wakes her up most mornings, she should put up with being woken up even on her morning off?

Away with you, troll.

Strawberry53 · 15/04/2026 23:12

I have a baby a little older, and a few months ago, I said to my husband I just need some time to myself to rest (I had been doing majority wake ups due to breastfeeding) and what does he think of me booking not one but two nights away in a nearby city. I had never been away on my own before but just felt I needed it. He said he thought that was a great idea and would be good for me and supported it 100%. He’d been away for work once or twice so had had the chance for some interrupted sleep, I had not.

That is the response of a decent, emotionally mature man and father. In my case he didn’t even have a family member to step in, he looked after our kid all weekend so I could rest and reset. This is called teamwork and this is what you should expect from a loving, supportive partner.

The amount of DH’s on here calling their postpartum partners, who built a human from scratch not even a year ago “lazy” is seriously mind blowing. And very sad.

Take the night away OP. Enjoy it,
you deserve it.

CurlewKate · 15/04/2026 23:01

MMAS · 15/04/2026 21:53

Why can he not join you after work. Seems the most logical answer.

What’s wrong with her having a night alone?

notatinydancer · 15/04/2026 22:51

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 22:37

To not sound like a bitch..
I would hit roof if he went to visit his family and they looked after son while he stayed in hotel to catch up on sleep as he doesnt do wake ups etc. But if he went to meet a friend and wanted to have drinks and not worry about last train home etc. Great, have fun!

Why doesn’t he do wake ups or have the baby on his own?

Cornishclio · 15/04/2026 22:50

He sounds controlling and if he doesn’t do overnights with your son pretty selfish. Do it anyway. The minute you let your husband control you it is a downward slope.

BCBird · 15/04/2026 22:41

Think u seriously need to plan one of these nights every couple of months. Dad can look after his son overnight

BudgetBuster · 15/04/2026 22:29

MMAS · 15/04/2026 22:16

I suspect he did not have the whatever to say she was ditching him. Given the baby probably wakes her up most mornings it technically should not be a hardship if her husband woke her up going off to work from the hotel as the joy of just turning over would be massive. Something is being lost in translation between them both. A night away might have sorted it or not.

Given the baby wakes her up every night and morning because her partner is too lazy to help.... I think the opportunity to rally appreciate a lie in would be phenomenal.

Nothing was lost in translation.. he just thinks she should be slave to the child and not allowed any free time.

MMAS · 15/04/2026 22:16

I suspect he did not have the whatever to say she was ditching him. Given the baby probably wakes her up most mornings it technically should not be a hardship if her husband woke her up going off to work from the hotel as the joy of just turning over would be massive. Something is being lost in translation between them both. A night away might have sorted it or not.

emmetgirl · 15/04/2026 22:08

Tell DH to fuck off.
cheeky bastard.

BudgetBuster · 15/04/2026 22:01

MMAS · 15/04/2026 21:53

Why can he not join you after work. Seems the most logical answer.

Because she doesn't want to be woken up early by him having to go to work the following day.

Also... his issue was that she was "ditching the baby".

MMAS · 15/04/2026 21:53

Why can he not join you after work. Seems the most logical answer.

BooneyBeautiful · 15/04/2026 18:45

Applecup · 13/04/2026 22:05

Not sure why you have to go to a hotel. Just have a good nights sleep at home.

Because then she would have to drive an hour home and then another hour back to collect the baby in the morning.

Bluedenimdoglover · 14/04/2026 17:14

He has two options: the baby stays with your mother or he has the baby overnight. You don't need us to validate your decision. It's one night......

MachineBee · 14/04/2026 15:12

Sunshineandoranges · 13/04/2026 22:44

I get this but is your dh also able to have chill time for himself too?

Show quote history

@Twosugarsplzz Said he can take chill time too but I think he also needs to start pulling his weight with parenting HIS child.

Movingonup313 · 14/04/2026 14:55

Id go for two nights ;-)
He is ridiculous. HE should be supporting you with this AND paying for the hotel (if he has means to) or sending you off with a pamper.kit and hug. I would have seized this opportunity with both hands. You need it. He is probably thinking of himself and his own underpant "needs". If he wants a night alone with you he should express that and come to a plan - not spoil a well designed plan that you make. Dont let him spoil this for you. Have a great time

Stripes84 · 14/04/2026 14:22

My ex used to be like this. How dare he! You need and deserve time to yourself. Enjoy it.

CurlewKate · 14/04/2026 14:16

MustWeDoThis · 14/04/2026 14:08

YANBU to have a night away and you don't need his permission - You just courteously tell him.

However, YABU to have double-standards if hubby booked a night away and you kicked off. That sounds selfish and entitled, just like your husband. Is that why you're together?

Show quote history

If he does so little child care that he does not need a break or an uninterrupted night’s sleep then maybe you might have a point. However….

Original poster
Twosugarsplzz · 14/04/2026 14:14

MustWeDoThis · 14/04/2026 14:08

YANBU to have a night away and you don't need his permission - You just courteously tell him.

However, YABU to have double-standards if hubby booked a night away and you kicked off. That sounds selfish and entitled, just like your husband. Is that why you're together?

Show quote history

Ive clarified what I meant by that comment. If youre not going to bother reading and just get nasty then u can bugger off.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 14/04/2026 14:14

Mere1 · 14/04/2026 13:40

Thank you for pointing that out. I did say opinions differ. AIBU to express mine when asked by OP? I was pleasant. I have a view.

Show quote history

Opinions differ. “It wouldn’t appeal to me because I don’t like sleeping alone or being in hotels. But you go and have a lovely time, OP!” Is one thing. “Don’t go-just have a good sleep at home” is completely different.

MustWeDoThis · 14/04/2026 14:08

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 22:02

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

YANBU to have a night away and you don't need his permission - You just courteously tell him.

However, YABU to have double-standards if hubby booked a night away and you kicked off. That sounds selfish and entitled, just like your husband. Is that why you're together?

Putneydad7 · 14/04/2026 14:07

When our first born was about 4 months old my wife went on a weekend away with her mates leaving me with the baby. I didn't begrudge her, she works really hard (when not on maternity leave) and deserves to see her friends and have time to herself. Never once did I even think about questioning her commitment to the child. Admittedly I barely managed to get dressed for that weekend as it didn't really seem worth it. Just stayed home, heated breast milk and played and slept. Exhausting. Any partner who uses guilt to exercise coercive control, needs to take a long hard look at themselves.
Good luck

TheIceBear · 14/04/2026 14:02

Wishingplenty · 14/04/2026 13:05

I agree with your dh. It is not healthy to do or want to do this when your baby is only 11months old. I say this for your own benefit. If you look at motherhood in this way, you will be forever thinking you need rewarded for doing the basic of tasks for your child. You need to look at your life in a new phase, not one that can ran concurrently with your old life.

Please tell me this is a joke post. Every parent is entitled to the odd break. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that it is good for the mental health of the mum plus it’s good for the child for socialisation as well.

TheIceBear · 14/04/2026 13:58

wtf is he like seriously ? I have a 9 month old and I’ve been on several nights away already and my dh has had a couple of entire weekends away with friends on stags etc and why not ? Just because you have a baby it doesn’t mean your entire identity should be being a mum and you need a break sometimes . Your baby will be absolutely fine for a night without you in the trusted care of your mum.