Solo night away - dh not happy

It feels quite pointed that being offered a baby-free night you're choosing to spend it alone rather than with your DH.

Your Mum only lives an hour away, you could either drop the baby at hers and go home or your DH join you at the hotel if you want the hotel experience.

I assume the reality is you want a night away from your DH as much (more?) as a break from your baby, which is quite an unpalatable thing for your DH to hear. It sounds like you're pissed off with your DH for not helping with the baby (fair) and rather than actually having that conversation with him you're just choosing not to spend time with him (unfair).

Your DH sounds like he really sucks.

Calling you 'lazy' is just totally out of line, as is trying to make you feel guilty as though wanting any time to rest is a sign that you are callously abandoning your child. That sort of emotional blackmail will likewise having you doing everything all the time for fear of him turning round and saying 'mummy doesn't care about you.'

By the time my DD was 2, my DH had looked after her by himself for a whole week at a time on 2 separate occasions whilst I was away for work (ok not 'by himself' - she was at nursery in the day and he had a bit of family support too - but he was doing almost all solo parenting evenings, nights and weekends around a stressful job). He had also had her for a night whilst I went to a hen do. I had solo parented whilst he went on holiday with his mates for a week and again on another weekend. We have each had solo nights out whilst the other looks after DD. We both love our DD and value family time but also value our careers, our friends, our hobbies and our sleep. We have decided that rather than both of us having to be exhausted and without time for our own things, we will support one another to each have time to ourselves.

No marriage is perfect and I don't mean this as a brag - just as a 'look what other blokes can do' comparison.

I am feeling a great deal of grrrrr on your behalf!

I kind of hate your husband for being so thoroughly ungenerous. Mean of spirit.

Go!!! Two overnights away from your baby in eleven months is hardly abandonment. But also, it sounds like he was just temporarily being a twat. I think if he takes a little bit of time to think about it he will see he was being unreasonable.

Go he will get over it x

Does he even love you? Because a loving husband would understand that he does no wake ups and you do them all, and would WANT you to have a night away.

He does no wake ups, he is a lazy bum who stays at home all the time, and he begrudges you sleep.

Does he have any good features? Because you sound way too good for him.

Does he even love you? Because a loving husband would understand that he does no wake ups and you do them all, and would WANT you to have a night away.

He does no wake ups, he is a lazy bum who stays at home all the time, and he begrudges you sleep.

Does he have any good features? Because you sound way too good for him.

I think you want to ask him what the actual issue is. Because it isnt that your baby is suffering, hes with his grandma. It isnt DH is nervous about solo parenting becuase baby is with his grandma.

This isnt about a hotel bubble bath. So id talk to him.

But either way id still go to the hotel. Your DH should be pleased his MiL is so supportive and his wife is getting some well deserved time with a friend. And the difference with him doing it, is it wouldnt occur to him to find childcare first- it would just be your job

Totally do it. ❤️

best thing about being in London for work is the night on my own in a hotel. An early night in a bed without being kicked by tiny feet. 🙌🙌🙌

As someone who can clearly see he is making this a power struggle and being controlling by his language to guilt and control you, I'd absolutely book the hotel room now to put him firmly in his place.

Not the same is it? OP does all wake ups and is exhausted and the dh does no wake ups and sleeps well? Maybe if the delight could step up and parent his child the OP wouldn’t be so knackered.

You really don't understand why a night in a hotel - and proper solitude - is a special treat? It's most people's idea of bliss!

he sounds worse and worse as you go along. Which one could guess from the original snapshot. He doesn’t look after his own baby ever and you for some reason still pay 50% of thr billls?!? Why?

Of course you can - and should - have a night away. But so can your husband, so I'm not sure why you say you would "hit the roof".
You are two adults - as long as your child is cared for, either of you can have a holiday, time away etc. You're not joined at the hip, and time apart is generally very healthy and helpful.

Same!

I would be annoyed if the joint parent to my child thought it was okay to opt out of childcare whilst accusing me of dumping off my child?!

He does nothing then guilt trips the OP when she is so tired she wants a night in a hotel to catch up on sleep.

This is not a loving husband being rejected. It is a controlling husband using the child as a weapon. Keep her tired and guilt ridden and keep her close. Utter crap.

he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right cause you don't even do wake ups so yeah.

Get angry. Ask him why he does no wake ups? Why does he think it is okay to opt out of child care? Why does he think it is okay for you to be so tired?

Book the hotel and tell him to go fuck him self.

Perhaps he should spend his time looking after his child rather than judging you.

What would I do?
id get a divorce.
and to all the ‘you can’t divorce based on one moment’ chatters….yes, you can.
if this man liked or loved his wife, he would be happy for her, this sounds like a wonderful treat. But he’s not, he doesn’t want her to be happy.
that isn’t a relationship worth having

You'd be annoyed if your partner spent some time by himself resting and recuperating? Wtf... is he not allowed out without you or something?