Solo night away - dh not happy

Just do it. Your husband should be wanting you to have a night off, with bells on, not calling you lazy and being an arse about it. He's being a dick, sorry. Is he normally like this with you, keeping score and begrudging any fun time without him?

I think it sounds like the perfect opportunity - even more so to have a husband free night!
I have a baby and I am visualising the night I can stay at a hotel and get a full night's sleep!
It's a great way to recharge and come back better.

My ex could never understand why I would want a solo night away and when it comes down to it it's because they can't do it themselves! In my experience, I found the reason they want a hotel is not to have a long bath and a good night's sleep but to invite a woman over. In which they are projecting their own views onto you and perhaps some trust issues with that. Not saying this is the case but their idea of a hotel stay could be a lot different to ours..

Objecting to you having time away is a bad sign. Worse that he tried to shame you when you challenged him.

My advice would be to go and to not feel bad or apologetic, otherwise he’ll object to everything going forward and you’ll find you are constantly having to justify your actions (or ask permission to do normal activities away from home).

Doubt it. He just doesn’t want her to abandon her post.

OP, you don't need to explain yourself, it was pretty clear what you meant and I'd feel exactly the same.
How can someone begrudge that, especially someone who cares about you, and not WANT you to have that well deserved break?
I had an ex-h like that. Made things so difficult when I wanted to do something for ME despite never, ever getting up at night. Not once.

And those that say they don't understand why you don't just stay at home? 😂
For real?
The absolute bliss of being in a hotel room alone cannot be underestimated. 😊

But then they are both ditching the baby which is what her DH is objecting too!! So assume hed object to that suggestion as well!

I really question the use of the word selfish when used to describe a mother who wants some time to herself and a proper sleep. Don’t you dare put yourself first! I mean, why don’t you want to spend every waking moment caring for your child or- I think is subtly implied- being at home to service your husband.

I could not respect someone who thinks like this and I’m getting second hand ick.

I’m just imagining that quiet hotel bedroom and the double bed and breakfast next morning! Go on, just do it.

A hotel stay is amazing at the best of times. Why go home when you can stay in a hotel? Life is for living ffs

This is actually pathetic. Your son is 11 months old, he should be OK with him for 1 night. You need to step back a little and tell your DH that he needs to step up more. Hes a father, not a babysitter.

Im glad youre going to the hotel. Its a bit of a red flag that he begrudges you a nice night away and a rest when he never does the night shift. Maybe remind him that as your husband he is supposed to be your best friend and your biggest supporter. Hes coming across like someone who secretly hates you. Although im sure (hope) its not that deep. Or better still, since he thinks the night shift is so easy, tell him he can do it from now on.

Fair point. Good luck!

From what the OP says he’s never done a night wake up. The man appears to do very little parenting at all.

A friend of mine has 2 kids and twice a year she goes away for a solo night away. Her husband has the kids for 24 solid hours... she gets peace and quiet, someone else.makes her dinner and breakfast in bed, no kids waking her up, wine in the bath with no flipping rubber ducks floating around 😂 She looks forward to these nights so much and until I had a child who was a terrible sleeper I never truly understood it.

But just to add, her DH also goes off on golf weekends a few times a year. It works well that they both get chunks of time just for themselves to really rest away from the demands of a young family and the endless piles.of housework.

OP.. have you booked the hotel? 🤞🏼

This is insane. Again, you’ve described someone so bad at parenting he can’t even look after his own child for a weekend, as he does it so rarely, and rather than finding that embarrassing and pathetic, you defend him. Bonkers.

I get this but is your dh also able to have chill time for himself too?

I’d be waking him up at night for baby every night saying you wanted baby, you’ve been so lucky yours came with 24 hour care but your 24 hour care machine is a bit broken with overuse and you need to be a parent. There was me giving you every night off but you kindly explained to me good parents don’t want any night off if they wanted their baby.
you’re setting up expectations for a long time, I’d dig in and firstly he’d be up every night until he apologised and secondly it’s time to shift gears and make sure he actively cares for baby every day now- dinner, bath, bed, weekend time. He’s a dad and he wanted this baby.

Op, you’re not a bitch. You’re probably worn down with being married to a complete arsehole who you haven’t worked out is an arsehole yet. Despite detailing to us he’s lazy, selfish, doesn’t parent, doesn’t contribute equally, moody, nasty, controlling, doesn’t want you to have fun.

When I had two children aged 2 and 4, my husband asked what I’d like for my birthday. I said a night alone in a premier inn, half jokingly! He thought I was nuts but arranged it willingly, I had a bath, some wine, read my book….and have done it a number of times since then. It’s headspace and time away that is important. Don’t let him make you feel guilty about wanting that on one occasion!