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Solo night away - dh not happy

367 replies

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 22:02

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

OP posts:
OhcantthInkofaname · 14/04/2026 00:43

Do it!

Twosugarsplzz · 14/04/2026 00:42

IdentityCris · 14/04/2026 00:05

Well no, she's already travelled on day 1, and has to spend an hour travelling back on day 2 anyway. So it's only two hours extra travel. Who knows, maybe she could get her husband to do the second day's collection.

Who wants to willingly travel 2 hours extra. Plus, thats on a good day. Depending on traffic time could easily go up. It usually does. Plus, dh wouldnt be able to collect until after work and then thats not really fair on baby as that'll disrupt dinner and bedtime schedule.

OP posts:
Twosugarsplzz · 14/04/2026 00:40

ReadingSoManyThreads · 13/04/2026 23:50

No, that's absolutely not where I was going with my question. Actually, what I was trying to establish was what kind of man he is, and you've proven that he didn't step up to provide for his baby and mother of his child even when she wasn't working. No woman should have to use her savings whilst she is unable to earn after having someone's child. No decent man would not provide.

That, along with him thinking that anything he does it "help", rather than stepping up to actually parent etc. just makes me wonder what the point of him is?

He sounds a pretty poor husband and father.

Oh no, he was going to be a huge chunk more but the return was really good once house sold. It went way above housing report value. So I thought it was right to still pay when I had this additional money. If my house sold at expected rate, then dh was going to foot most bills x

OP posts:
ImFinePMSL · 14/04/2026 00:39

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 22:40

I have a hen do next month and he is with baby all weekend. I think he is feeling v.nerous as he doesnt have family close by... and my mum is coming along to hen do!

Jesus he sounds absolutely pathetic.

Nervous for a weekend of parenting his own child. Lord give me strength.

99bottlesofkombucha · 14/04/2026 00:28

IdentityCris · 14/04/2026 00:19

As a matter of interest, do you think he would have reacted differently if you had put this to him on the basis that it would let you have some uninterrupted time together including time for sex? If so, it would show whether he genuinely thinks you're being lazy.

What do you mean? I don’t understand this, but worth saying women, mums, do not owe their husband sex if someone else is looking after their baby. Mums are allowed time on their own.

viques · 14/04/2026 00:26

PullTheBricksDown · 13/04/2026 22:09

He's being miserable. Your baby will be with his loving grandma and you get a lie in. Is your husband expecting you to never have a night away? I bet he'll be fine with doing that himself when the opportunity comes up.

I think he was imagining a night of unbridled passion and instead he is going to have to manage with a microwave ready meal and Naked Attraction. No wonder he is grumpy.

Go for the hotel OP and enjoy it. Use up all the smellies and enjoy the full English the next morning.

IdentityCris · 14/04/2026 00:19

As a matter of interest, do you think he would have reacted differently if you had put this to him on the basis that it would let you have some uninterrupted time together including time for sex? If so, it would show whether he genuinely thinks you're being lazy.

Twooclockrock · 14/04/2026 00:17

I don't even see what this has to do with your DH at all. It's your mum, your friend and youre arranging the whole thing. He has nothing yo do with this decision. Unless he wants to have the baby while you go, in which case thats also his right. But it sounds like be just wants you to not go, not that he wants the baby at home with him. What a prick.

IdentityCris · 14/04/2026 00:05

BudgetBuster · 13/04/2026 22:13

Because she would need to travel 2hrs each day to drop/collect the baby at her mums... what's wrong with booking hotel and enjoying a break?

I'd love it personally. If I went home I'd just start doing housework and not actually relax

Well no, she's already travelled on day 1, and has to spend an hour travelling back on day 2 anyway. So it's only two hours extra travel. Who knows, maybe she could get her husband to do the second day's collection.

GrandTheftWalrus · 13/04/2026 23:51

Id be skipping out the door. I wanted children but right now a night in a hotel sounds bliss.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 13/04/2026 23:50

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 23:20

I get what youre getting at. If he paid more or for everything then its cheeky for me to pay for an overnight. I wouldnt do that.
I sold my house before maternity which I had been renting out for quite a bit of time and got a v.good return. So I have still paid my way with bills and have put some in savings. My work also pay above statutory. Whilst its not amazing, it's way better than nothing. Ive always have premium bonds too and win a couple of 100 each month too!! I also saved a little maternity pot before going off which he thought was a waste but it means I dont need to feel bad or justify things like a hotel stay or if I want to spoil our baby when we go out.

No, that's absolutely not where I was going with my question. Actually, what I was trying to establish was what kind of man he is, and you've proven that he didn't step up to provide for his baby and mother of his child even when she wasn't working. No woman should have to use her savings whilst she is unable to earn after having someone's child. No decent man would not provide.

That, along with him thinking that anything he does it "help", rather than stepping up to actually parent etc. just makes me wonder what the point of him is?

He sounds a pretty poor husband and father.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 13/04/2026 23:49

I think you should make your hotel stay happen a few times a year btw

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 13/04/2026 23:48

Your husband is an abomination and attempting to coercively control you but luckily you have ignored him, I hope he’s not going to punish you for this -keep your eyes open.

I hope you have a lovely time and I hope this 5050 isn’t funded but your savings and not his while you’re on mat leave.

please make him do the early wake ups at weekends at least now and ask him why he’s desperate to be away from his own baby if he objects. Twunt.

LeopardPants · 13/04/2026 23:43

hahabahbag · 13/04/2026 22:16

I’d go home if it’s only an hour away, spend time with your dh and go and fetch your baby the next day

I wouldn’t - he sounds like a twat. Why should she have two hours drive to spend the night with him?!

OP - make him share the night wake ups. See how he fancies a night off then. What a dick.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 13/04/2026 23:42

SummerFrog2026 · 13/04/2026 23:37

I think one of us has misread that!

I thought she was saying she told HIM to go & do something else (& she deals with the poo nappy) & you think she goes & does something else leaving him to fi ggd poo nappy.

good money says I'm right 🤣🤣

Ahh I'm always getting the wrong if the stick.😂 I hope I'm right. If I'm wrong then he definitely needs to get told.

SummerFrog2026 · 13/04/2026 23:37

DollydaydreamTheThird · 13/04/2026 23:09

🤣good for you. Don't stand for that weaponised incompetence shit.

I think one of us has misread that!

I thought she was saying she told HIM to go & do something else (& she deals with the poo nappy) & you think she goes & does something else leaving him to fi ggd poo nappy.

good money says I'm right 🤣🤣

BinNightTonight · 13/04/2026 23:37

Sounds like bloody bliss! As a completely solo parent I am insanely jealous. Enjoy!!

Dontlletmedownbruce · 13/04/2026 23:34

I did this many times, always with DH support. Do you get upset when he goes away with friends? If so then he has a point. If not then he is way out of order.

Ignore him and go, don't feel a moments guilt.

Noshadelamp · 13/04/2026 23:34

hahabahbag · 13/04/2026 22:16

I’d go home if it’s only an hour away, spend time with your dh and go and fetch your baby the next day

The way op's DH has reacted I don't blame her for not wanting to spend that time with him!
Even if he was the most loving understanding DH, she's allowed time to herself, on her own.

99bottlesofkombucha · 13/04/2026 23:30

MyWildOliveGoose · 13/04/2026 23:15

Can he not just bring a laptop and log in for meetings remotely? You’ll be having your breakfast by 9ish and have had a nice lay in.

If not, then yes, without him.

At this stage of not having a break from parenting i wouldn’t want my dh there. I’d want to be alone.

99bottlesofkombucha · 13/04/2026 23:27

Sunshineandoranges · 13/04/2026 22:44

I get this but is your dh also able to have chill time for himself too?

Catching up on some essential unbroken sleep and time to yourself once in 11 months after being the only one doing parenting for that whole time is not the equivalent of chill time or time out with mates or hobbies. Her dh has had full nights sleep that whole time so he doesn’t need this. He needs to step up as a dad and partner.

MyWildOliveGoose · 13/04/2026 23:25

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 23:21

His work are strict and he always has to be on camera. He leads projects with clients!

Well then yes, you’re going without him. As you should. It is completely acceptable and healthy for humans to have time alone, your title to your child is “mum” but that’s not your entire identity, you know? You’re still twosugarsplzz that needs to go out, socialising, having fun and laughing, knowing you’re going back to eat, bathe and sleep. You will feel a million times better for doing so, you will appreciate it, bubs will appreciate it, nana will appreciate it and if hubby doesn’t then more fool him.

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 23:21

MyWildOliveGoose · 13/04/2026 23:15

Can he not just bring a laptop and log in for meetings remotely? You’ll be having your breakfast by 9ish and have had a nice lay in.

If not, then yes, without him.

His work are strict and he always has to be on camera. He leads projects with clients!

OP posts:
Millie2008 · 13/04/2026 23:21

CaulfieldFan · 13/04/2026 22:40

It feels quite pointed that being offered a baby-free night you're choosing to spend it alone rather than with your DH.

Your Mum only lives an hour away, you could either drop the baby at hers and go home or your DH join you at the hotel if you want the hotel experience.

I assume the reality is you want a night away from your DH as much (more?) as a break from your baby, which is quite an unpalatable thing for your DH to hear. It sounds like you're pissed off with your DH for not helping with the baby (fair) and rather than actually having that conversation with him you're just choosing not to spend time with him (unfair).

I find it bizarre that wanting a bit of time away from a partner is deemed a problem. Isnt this normal in the most loving of relationships? It’s 1 night.

Twosugarsplzz · 13/04/2026 23:20

ReadingSoManyThreads · 13/04/2026 23:14

I know it's not the point of the post, but you said about splitting the bills, did you do this whilst you were on maternity leave or did he cover everything whilst you weren't earning?

I get what youre getting at. If he paid more or for everything then its cheeky for me to pay for an overnight. I wouldnt do that.
I sold my house before maternity which I had been renting out for quite a bit of time and got a v.good return. So I have still paid my way with bills and have put some in savings. My work also pay above statutory. Whilst its not amazing, it's way better than nothing. Ive always have premium bonds too and win a couple of 100 each month too!! I also saved a little maternity pot before going off which he thought was a waste but it means I dont need to feel bad or justify things like a hotel stay or if I want to spoil our baby when we go out.

OP posts: