Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Trans nursery workers?

265 replies

ThatWaryGreenBiscuit · 13/04/2026 18:26

Am I being unreasonable to feel increasingly uncomfortable with my child’s nursery?

A couple of weeks ago they shared a post on the parents app about two people with feminine names completing some training. One of the people pictured was clearly male. I found them on instagram and they are a trans woman. Now this person did not work at my child’s actual nursery, just one of the other settings in the franchise, although they do occasionally switch the staff around, it’s not often. So I thought, I don’t like it, but ultimately moving my child because of somebody working at a different setting is unreasonable. Also it took my child a while to be comfortable and now they really enjoy it. (3y and verbal which also makes a difference too)

Then last week there’s a post about our nursery setting and a reshuffle of staff. Now working at our nursery is another trans person. A female this time who identifies as male. I confirmed them as trans through their instagram again, which honestly contains a lot of potentially worrying stuff. Very heavy on the transition side, art about top surgery, testosterone, nude art, “protecting trans youth” and protests.

Both individuals are young and I haven’t met either, however apparently my child knows the trans man (female).

I’m really not sure what to do if anything? Obviously I have no right to tell them who to hire, and I have no wish to be cruel to these young people.

But I cannot deny the feeling I have in my gut. I feel like my boundaries are being pushed and I’m worried about what their potential motives are for suddenly hiring two trans people and posting about them on the parenting portals/social media in increasing frequency.

There has been a change in management, but I have no idea who is in charge of hiring.

Will it matter as they are young? (The children) Because the trans individual at my child’s actual nursery is female would you be worried? I feel so unsure. It’s very recent so I’m weighing my options.

I will likely only openly share my thoughts on this if I decide to remove my child, as I believe that saying anything will not result in anything positive, and in fact could mean my child is “educated” because of their “horrible bigoted family”.

OP posts:
Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 21:18

ThatWaryGreenBiscuit · 13/04/2026 21:05

I suppose it depends how you define causing no harm to others. To some this causes harm. I am also a feminist.

Please tell me how a man identifying as a trans woman causes direct harm to you?

In what tangible ways does that individual's choice on how they chose to live their life, by what name or pro noun they wish to use, or what clothes or accessories they choose to wear cause you real emotional or physical harm?

I am genuinely interested, please do humour me because im at a loss and i would like to understand.

SpaceRaccoon · 13/04/2026 21:15

There is no way on this planet I would have my child in a nursery that employed a trans identifying man. Not a fucking chance.

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 21:13

SecretSquirrelLoo · 13/04/2026 20:58

This is literally a major feminist position.

Self-identification with no checks or investigation has been what trans activists have been advocating. Feminists have been pointing out the problems.

Why on earth are you cross with feminists that trans activists got their way?

The UK doesn’t have legal self-id because feminists put up a fight. But a lot of self-id policies were introduced through the back door, including in the prison service. It is feminist organizations that are campaigning against self-id, because of exactly the problems you mention.

I am cross with any 'ists' that mean genuine innocent trans people are effectively denied equality and experience suffering and discrimination, because of failure to address the actual issue.

Surely the solution to protecting people from predatory people committing abhorrent crimes is education and prevention and more rigorous investigation and tougher sentencing for those that commit those crimes? Regardless of whether they say they are trans or identify as cis?

The risk of harm ISN'T from trans women per se, but these arguments mean we lose sight of the real risks!

ThatWaryGreenBiscuit · 13/04/2026 21:05

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 21:00

I'm not a trans activist but I am a feminist and I am an ally to all marginalised people.

I support people living their lives, safely and lawfully, causing no harm to others. Being kind and respectful to others living their lives as they wish, causing no harm to others.

Unfortunately the powers that be seem to be clueless how to achieve this across society and fail to identify and hold people to account for breaching the laws of the land.

So everyone is squabbling amongst themselves about literal nonsense, who is more of a risk to who, who is right or more right, who is to blame and who isn't and all the while those in power who we are ACTUALLY at risk of harm from, keep on doing what they're doing and benefiting from the dog eat dog society where everyone tramples over everyone else!

I suppose it depends how you define causing no harm to others. To some this causes harm. I am also a feminist.

OP posts:
Hamalam · 13/04/2026 21:04

DripDripAprilshower · 13/04/2026 18:43

I don’t want my child growing up with the false notion that you can change sex.

Would you be ok with a trans person who understands biology and knows they have only changed their gender?

Very few trans people think they have changed sex.

No. I don’t want my child to think gender is a thing. It’s not. It’s just a pile of sexist stereotypes.

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 21:00

SecretSquirrelLoo · 13/04/2026 20:49

This is literally what the row has been about for the last 7 years.

Feminists said self-id as the basis of trans status in law wasn’t a good idea because some predatory men would lie. People like you called us bigots.

Now you are calling us bigots because, as expected, some men lied and are being treated as trans by the criminal justice system on the basis of self-identification. Which is what trans activists advocated for.

I'm not a trans activist but I am a feminist and I am an ally to all marginalised people.

I support people living their lives, safely and lawfully, causing no harm to others. Being kind and respectful to others living their lives as they wish, causing no harm to others.

Unfortunately the powers that be seem to be clueless how to achieve this across society and fail to identify and hold people to account for breaching the laws of the land.

So everyone is squabbling amongst themselves about literal nonsense, who is more of a risk to who, who is right or more right, who is to blame and who isn't and all the while those in power who we are ACTUALLY at risk of harm from, keep on doing what they're doing and benefiting from the dog eat dog society where everyone tramples over everyone else!

Hallamule · 13/04/2026 20:59

SecretSquirrelLoo · 13/04/2026 20:58

This is literally a major feminist position.

Self-identification with no checks or investigation has been what trans activists have been advocating. Feminists have been pointing out the problems.

Why on earth are you cross with feminists that trans activists got their way?

The UK doesn’t have legal self-id because feminists put up a fight. But a lot of self-id policies were introduced through the back door, including in the prison service. It is feminist organizations that are campaigning against self-id, because of exactly the problems you mention.

👏 👏 👏

ThatWaryGreenBiscuit · 13/04/2026 20:59

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 20:50

Didn't say it was!

I would have hoped that for such claims to be considered valid in a prison setting, the individual should have verifiable evidence of identifying as such, not just deciding thats how they now feel!

Or you know, prisons being effective and safe to alllow for rehabilitation and punishment, rathe than allowing violent criminals to take justice into their own hands.

Flawed systems are bad for everyone and marginalised people suffer the most.

All this outcry around trans women, yet STILL no real accountability for male predators... i give you Donald Trump president of the US!

Lack of accountability for male predators includes trans women (the ones who are predators) as they are male. Unless you think they are now female.

OP posts:
SecretSquirrelLoo · 13/04/2026 20:58

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 20:50

Didn't say it was!

I would have hoped that for such claims to be considered valid in a prison setting, the individual should have verifiable evidence of identifying as such, not just deciding thats how they now feel!

Or you know, prisons being effective and safe to alllow for rehabilitation and punishment, rathe than allowing violent criminals to take justice into their own hands.

Flawed systems are bad for everyone and marginalised people suffer the most.

All this outcry around trans women, yet STILL no real accountability for male predators... i give you Donald Trump president of the US!

This is literally a major feminist position.

Self-identification with no checks or investigation has been what trans activists have been advocating. Feminists have been pointing out the problems.

Why on earth are you cross with feminists that trans activists got their way?

The UK doesn’t have legal self-id because feminists put up a fight. But a lot of self-id policies were introduced through the back door, including in the prison service. It is feminist organizations that are campaigning against self-id, because of exactly the problems you mention.

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 20:50

SecretSquirrelLoo · 13/04/2026 20:20

In that case, pushing for a definition of trans that encompasses anyone who says they are trans wasn’t a success, was it?

Didn't say it was!

I would have hoped that for such claims to be considered valid in a prison setting, the individual should have verifiable evidence of identifying as such, not just deciding thats how they now feel!

Or you know, prisons being effective and safe to alllow for rehabilitation and punishment, rathe than allowing violent criminals to take justice into their own hands.

Flawed systems are bad for everyone and marginalised people suffer the most.

All this outcry around trans women, yet STILL no real accountability for male predators... i give you Donald Trump president of the US!

SecretSquirrelLoo · 13/04/2026 20:49

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 20:24

You are aware that the majority of trans women identifying as such in prison arent actually trans women?

They are cis men claiming to be trans women to secure imprisonment away from male prisoners,.which is much preferred by inmates, particularly those convicted of violent and sexual offences to children, due to the risk they face from fellow male inmates of rape and beatings when their conviction is revealed.

I'd be interested to see how many of these crimes were committed by offenders whilst actually living AS trans women compared to how many are then subsequently charged, sentenced and imprisoned as alleged trans women. 🤔

Once again, PREDATORY MEN are gaming the very broken system at the expense of women and trans people!

I struggle to understand how anyone who considers themselves a feminist could believe the bullshittery that we are at risk from trans people, rather than seeing the risk is from broken systems and lack of accountability to protect against actual predators!

This is literally what the row has been about for the last 7 years.

Feminists said self-id as the basis of trans status in law wasn’t a good idea because some predatory men would lie. People like you called us bigots.

Now you are calling us bigots because, as expected, some men lied and are being treated as trans by the criminal justice system on the basis of self-identification. Which is what trans activists advocated for.

Random321 · 13/04/2026 20:47

pimplebum · 13/04/2026 19:51

… so if nfollow your thinking all the women who were first in their field should not have bothered but stayed at home for a “ quiet life “ all the black people who broke barriers were a bit odd and should have chosen a different career so as not to rock the boat ? V strange thinking you have going on

are you seriously suggesting they have studied and spent time training just to be a bit controversial in their career ? And they should have change careers? How odd

Not what I was saying at all.

I just think if I was trans and dealing with all of the difficulties that comes with that in society, I would want to reduce the stress it comes with rather than add to it. (i.e. a quiet life).

Everyone thinks differently. I never claimed to be right and cannot know anyone's motivations. It was purely a thought.

5128gap · 13/04/2026 20:35

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 20:24

You are aware that the majority of trans women identifying as such in prison arent actually trans women?

They are cis men claiming to be trans women to secure imprisonment away from male prisoners,.which is much preferred by inmates, particularly those convicted of violent and sexual offences to children, due to the risk they face from fellow male inmates of rape and beatings when their conviction is revealed.

I'd be interested to see how many of these crimes were committed by offenders whilst actually living AS trans women compared to how many are then subsequently charged, sentenced and imprisoned as alleged trans women. 🤔

Once again, PREDATORY MEN are gaming the very broken system at the expense of women and trans people!

I struggle to understand how anyone who considers themselves a feminist could believe the bullshittery that we are at risk from trans people, rather than seeing the risk is from broken systems and lack of accountability to protect against actual predators!

I don't believe we are at risk from trans people. I believe we are at risk from men. So if a TIM worked in a nursery it wouldn't be the trans bit that would concern me, it would be the man bit. For this reason I wouldn't be remotely concerned at a TIF working in a nursery. Because I don't think people's risk is dictated by the gender they say they are, but by the sex they actually are.
I don't see how that's at odds with feminism?

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 20:30

pimplebum · 13/04/2026 19:43

Frankly though, I'd be concerned about ANY man who wanted to look after small children

why?

What, even fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers and cousins?!

Haven't we come so far that women STILL think only women have the monopoly on caring for offspring!

I mean we women obviously have the monopoly on cleaning toilets so...

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 20:28

CopsandRobbers · 13/04/2026 20:21

It's strange how all those defending male trans nursery workers have fallen silent since I posted the article of a male trans nursery worker being arrested for abuse.

It's almost like trans men and sexual abuse go hand in hand. If you believe you can change sex then you are not in the right frame of mind to be educating tiny, vulnerable children.

Of course a man pretending to be a woman and applying to work with society's most vulnerable is going to raise a few eyebrows and quite rightly so.

Gender and sex are different concepts.

Being trans does not mean they think they are biologically another sex.

It's like saying any man who wants to be a gynaecologist or obstaeteician is questionable, and only wants to work with women at their most physically vulnerable for the thrill of being sexually aroused by them!

ElenOfTheWays · 13/04/2026 20:27

arethereanyleftatall · 13/04/2026 20:24

lol @Endoadnowarriorcan you tell us please how the op would know if this particular trans woman is cis claiming to be trans or actually trans?

Indeed. Is it a man pretending to be a woman or a man pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman? 😂

And ultimately, does it matter? Both are still men.

ThatWaryGreenBiscuit · 13/04/2026 20:24

Eastereggschocolateisthebest · 13/04/2026 20:00

Transvestism and people transitioning gender are two different things

so there are “right clothes” for your sex in your view?

I'm asking these questions as I’m always puzzled by the view “there is no such thing as gender and I’m gender critical” held at the same
time as “that person is wearing the wrong
clothes for their gender/sex”

I would like to understand

Sometimes. Not always. And how can you tell the difference?

I’ve clearly explained that some clothing is designed with biological sex in mind. Some isn’t. I don’t care what anyone wears as long as it’s appropriate for activity or if they are getting turned on by their outfit.

what is your definition of gender?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 13/04/2026 20:24

lol @Endoadnowarriorcan you tell us please how the op would know if this particular trans woman is cis claiming to be trans or actually trans?

Hallamule · 13/04/2026 20:24

Lol, so how does one distinguish a cis man pretending to be a women from a cis man who genuinely is a woman @Endoadnowarrior? Trans orthodoxy states they're women if they say they are remember?

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 20:24

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 20:18

You are aware that the majority of trans women identifying as such in prison arent actually trans women?

They are cis men claiming to be trans women to secure imprisonment away from male prisoners,.which is much preferred by inmates, particularly those convicted of violent and sexual offences to children, due to the risk they face from fellow male inmates of rape and beatings when their conviction is revealed.

I'd be interested to see how many of these crimes were committed by offenders whilst actually living AS trans women compared to how many are then subsequently charged, sentenced and imprisoned as alleged trans women. 🤔

You are aware that the majority of trans women identifying as such in prison arent actually trans women?

They are cis men claiming to be trans women to secure imprisonment away from male prisoners,.which is much preferred by inmates, particularly those convicted of violent and sexual offences to children, due to the risk they face from fellow male inmates of rape and beatings when their conviction is revealed.

I'd be interested to see how many of these crimes were committed by offenders whilst actually living AS trans women compared to how many are then subsequently charged, sentenced and imprisoned as alleged trans women. 🤔

Once again, PREDATORY MEN are gaming the very broken system at the expense of women and trans people!

I struggle to understand how anyone who considers themselves a feminist could believe the bullshittery that we are at risk from trans people, rather than seeing the risk is from broken systems and lack of accountability to protect against actual predators!

ElenOfTheWays · 13/04/2026 20:23

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 20:18

You are aware that the majority of trans women identifying as such in prison arent actually trans women?

They are cis men claiming to be trans women to secure imprisonment away from male prisoners,.which is much preferred by inmates, particularly those convicted of violent and sexual offences to children, due to the risk they face from fellow male inmates of rape and beatings when their conviction is revealed.

I'd be interested to see how many of these crimes were committed by offenders whilst actually living AS trans women compared to how many are then subsequently charged, sentenced and imprisoned as alleged trans women. 🤔

Anyone who uses the term "cis" is automatically erased from the contingent of people worth listening to.

CopsandRobbers · 13/04/2026 20:21

It's strange how all those defending male trans nursery workers have fallen silent since I posted the article of a male trans nursery worker being arrested for abuse.

It's almost like trans men and sexual abuse go hand in hand. If you believe you can change sex then you are not in the right frame of mind to be educating tiny, vulnerable children.

Of course a man pretending to be a woman and applying to work with society's most vulnerable is going to raise a few eyebrows and quite rightly so.

SecretSquirrelLoo · 13/04/2026 20:20

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 20:18

You are aware that the majority of trans women identifying as such in prison arent actually trans women?

They are cis men claiming to be trans women to secure imprisonment away from male prisoners,.which is much preferred by inmates, particularly those convicted of violent and sexual offences to children, due to the risk they face from fellow male inmates of rape and beatings when their conviction is revealed.

I'd be interested to see how many of these crimes were committed by offenders whilst actually living AS trans women compared to how many are then subsequently charged, sentenced and imprisoned as alleged trans women. 🤔

In that case, pushing for a definition of trans that encompasses anyone who says they are trans wasn’t a success, was it?

Endoadnowarrior · 13/04/2026 20:18

ElenOfTheWays · 13/04/2026 19:01

Why would a male identifying as female pose a greater risk than a male identifying as male?

Because they do. Over 60% of trans identified men in prison are there for rape and sexual abuse as compared to 15% of men who do not identify as trans. This includes CSA.

Frankly though, I'd be concerned about ANY man who wanted to look after small children but especially one who was probably enacting a sexual fetish.

The danger from trans identified women is more ideological. They are no more likely to physically abuse a child than any other woman. But far more likely to lie to that child about gender and changing sex.

You are aware that the majority of trans women identifying as such in prison arent actually trans women?

They are cis men claiming to be trans women to secure imprisonment away from male prisoners,.which is much preferred by inmates, particularly those convicted of violent and sexual offences to children, due to the risk they face from fellow male inmates of rape and beatings when their conviction is revealed.

I'd be interested to see how many of these crimes were committed by offenders whilst actually living AS trans women compared to how many are then subsequently charged, sentenced and imprisoned as alleged trans women. 🤔

arethereanyleftatall · 13/04/2026 20:13

I think I would take being called a bigot over putting my toddler in a known risk environment.

Swipe left for the next trending thread