AIBU to feel furious after my father ruined my new home?

Git!

I'm not sure what's funnier.....the fact you've made so much fuss over a tenner or the fact you're horrified at wee going through a washing machine along with several gallons of water.

To be honest, I wouldn’t want to keep throws and a rug that my dad had pissed all over either. I’d think about it every time I looked at them. Yuck.

Just how horrible for you.
l can understand your anger and frustration.
Regarding the sofa, get some special enzyme spray that’s for animal wee
it works on human wee too.
Other sprays don’t work as they don’t break down using enzymes.
Good Luck

I usually roll my eyes at people saying not all men but seriously in this case, not all men will do this if you invite them into your home. This is very specific and gross.

The lying would make me angry.

My friend leaked her period blood all over my brand new sofa.

I’m not going to lie, I was gutted.
It was the first time I’d ever been able to afford a new sofa as all my other ones were second hand.
She couldn’t sleep apparently so went downstairs and then fell asleep on the sofa.
It obviously stained as it was blood on a light coloured sofa.

The difference was that she was mortified and kept apologising and wanting to pay for it.
I told her not to worry about it and wouldn’t accept any money for it.

I guess your dad was embarrassed and my friend couldn’t exactly deny it but the wetting himself wouldn’t have bothered me so much but the lying and attitude afterwards would have.

I wouldn’t ban him from your home if you get on with him usually and I absolutely wouldn’t judge him based on being a man.

Christ, it's not like a child or a dog peeing on something. As others have said, you'd have no possessions left if you binned everything they had an accident on. This is a grown man - an adult guest - behaving like a bum in the street, and it must be dreadful to see your parent in that state. Throwing the stuff away is cathartic, even if you are a tenner down, whereas having to look at it even when laundered would keep the memory playing in your head. Not worth it.

Sounds grim and i can understand why you are upset .
Although washing the throws thoroughly and cleaning the sofa would resolve for me.
It sounds like your new home is your safe space/sanctuary and its been violated so i can understand your sentiments and feelings.
Don't have him round if it makes you feel safer.

All the best 🙂.
I hope your home becomes a sanctuary again 🙏

I do wish people would stop going on about washing stuff! It's not relevant to the fact her dad pissed all over the place and she's pretty, understandably upset about it. So what, if she binned the stuff? She was upset!

Lowest of the low for father to blame innocent dog, that sort of doubles the offence imho. Personally I’d never forgive.

Sometimes charity shops have fantastic stuff, especially Trussell trust; maybe you’ll find some even nicer soft furnishings, I hope you do 💐

I get that you're upset and your new start feels tarnished. However sounds like your dad might have a physical issue or alcoholism? My dad peed himself at mine sober recently and it is bladder weakness... he must be embarrassed

i have a brand new washing machine i dont want mans piss running through it and i was angry all my lovely new items were ruined thats why i binned them

Yeah, you're unreasonable, sorry.

Not unreasonable to be annoyed at him though.

It's a washing machine, it's job us to wash clothes. I know you are angry but honestly that really is illogical.

It sounds like the OP has an appalling history with the men in her life. If her experience is that every man she has had dealings with has left her with some kind of trauma or problems to deal with, then I wouldn’t blame her in the slightest for wanting to exclude them completely from her home.

NAMALT, maybe, but every man she has dealt with has been like that. Cries of ‘bigotry’ and ‘this is wrong’ are all very well when you’re coming from a lovely place of privilege, where you’ve had just as many nice men in your life as awful ones. Completely inappropriate and judgemental here, as well as being unconnected to racism etc.

Good to see you counting them.

They weren’t deleted because ‘I hate all men’ isn’t a bigoted statement in the context of OP and what this forum is for.

What ableism?

Ace and detergent in the washing machine. Dr Beckmann's for the car seat, the carpet and the couch. I would never be without Dr Beckmann's - it is brilliant for cleaning up little puppy accidents. Dettol spray for the toy box. Windolene, amazingly, is brilliant for cleaning anything off walls or ceilings.

Then send him the receipt and ask him to reimburse you, because none of these things are cheap. Please don't let him spoil your pride in your new home. You've done so well. Just don't invite him round again and tell him why. He has behaved like a pig.

OP, can you say what/how much he had to drink?

For an otherwise healthy non-alcoholic adult to be drunk to the point of incontinence, they'd usually have to drink a fair amount/be quite clearly noticably inebriated.

I would be annoyed and frustrated at the extra expense and work, but I wouldn't throw things away if money was right.

Napisan is brilliant at getting rid of urine.

Then put a laundry cleanser through the washing machine and it will feel fresh and new again.

He could replace the throws though. Amd apologise massively. That would be a start. But I'd still be wary of having him stay.

I wouldn't have thrown them away. But she did, so we are where we are, and I can see that a new safe space feels violated. A conversation with him might help.

I wanted to reiterate what this poster has said. I have friends who work with DV survivors, and so many have little idea of what ‘normal’ relationships look like, because of what they grew up with at home.

Oh dear.
I type a whole comment but given some people's attitude on here I've quickly deleted it.

Also deleted mine saying much the same.

This poster's utter lack of empathy for an abused woman and determined attempt to make out she's a 'bigot' says everything I need to know about him. Just waiting for the inevitable 'misandry' card to be played.

How much did you give him to drink or had he been somewhere before he came to yours? Unless he has a bladder problem he's got a serious alcohol problem which he needs help with - YANBU for being annoyed.

YABU for the soft furnishings/washing machine reaction.