AIBU to feel furious after my father ruined my new home?

People who don't have alcohol problems don't piss themselves and ruin someone's soft furnishings, and then lie about it.

That's weird
You are entitled to be angry, BUT please acknowledge that

1. many people manage with toddlers, puppies or even incontinent adults all the time. Throwing things out not washing them properly was your choice, not necessary.
2. Adults who wee in places other than the toilet, are usually ill, and struggling to manage and are too embarrassed to tell anyone.

i find this sad actually, clearly he was embarassed and blamed it on a dog. im guessing he has a health problem because no one is going to piss on the couch on purpose. he is your parent, you have massively over reacted and should be asking him if there was a way you could help him

Actually I think he just got shit faced.

Oh come on. I bet half the people saying the OP should just wash the man-piss-soaked stuff and shut up wouldn't be at all willing to allow their washing machines to be used by, for example, a homeless shelter, where all the sheets and clothes are absolutely saturated in the stuff.

Not week in, week out, no. But as a one-off it wouldn't bother me. I'd draw the line at great lumps of some complete stranger's shit or vomit going into my machine, but a bit of urine wouldn't bother me. If it's absolutely saturated, just do a double wash, one straight after the other. Or run a hot, empty wash afterwards.

This is one cupworth of piss we are talking about and it's her own father's, so the 'eeeww' factor won't be that bad, surely?

I take it she won't be up for nursing anyone in their old age, then? She'll have no bedlinen or furniture left.

I suspect he didn’t just have a drink, but was shit faced, and pissed on the rug or pissed himself then fell into a drunken stupor on the sofa. Whilst the throws could be washed, the OP was justifiably angry and binned them, she doesn’t want to associate the throws with disgusting behaviour.

OP, you now have a peaceful clean home, do not have your father back into it, meet him in a neutral place if you wish to maintain contact. Not all men are like this, I promise.

But I would keep them out of your home for the foreseeable until you have better male friends or can judge the good ones from the bad better. Take care, you’re doing great 😊

The victim-blaming is high in this one.

Does he usually drink /smell of it ?

you didn’t need to chuck throws but get why you did

i would be asking him to pay for sofa cleaning

also your washing machine will be fine, i did cloth nappies for my kids
and it survived for years 🤣

i find this sad actually, clearly he was embarassed and blamed it on a dog. im guessing he has a health problem because no one is going to piss on the couch on purpose. he is your parent, you have massively over reacted and should be asking him if there was a way you could help him and trying to find out if theres a medical
isaue you could support him with.

You ARE being unreasonable, to yourself

It's really obvious why, and wholly understandable. But you need to play it like Elsa or you will taint your brave, bright new start

Sod him. Never let him stay in your home again. Meet him outside your house. Walk away when you need to. Do whatever it is to keep your new home feeling safe, clean, yours

Give yourself permission to let this go, for your own sake ❤️

I thought you were going to say he was doing DIY for you and caused the house to flood or partially collapse. Pee is bad but not house ruining. If you can't afford to replace everything clean and wash everything affected, you can also do a 'clean machine' wash on your washing machine afterwards there are products available that you just put in the drum, if that is worrying you.

It wouldn't worry me! Washing dirty things is what washing machines are for. I could always run a cleaning wash, with an empty machine, afterwards, if I felt it was necessary.

It's a stretch to call that victim blaming! It's normal to give people something to drink if they visit. To me it sounds like the poster was simply trying to ascertain if he was drunk.

Oh come on. I bet half the people saying the OP should just wash the man-piss-soaked stuff and shut up wouldn't be at all willing to allow their washing machines to be used by, for example, a homeless shelter, where all the sheets and clothes are absolutely saturated in the stuff.

Lovely. It IS hilarious when a woman who's come out of an abusive relationship and a period of being homeless is pissed all over isn't it? You must be splitting your sides.

"How much did you give him to drink"

Honestly, I'm shocked at the amount of victim-blaming I've seen on this thread.

i have a brand new washing machine i dont want mans piss running through it

Oh for god's sake, grow up. 😂You have a baby for crying out loud. Are you one of those people who throws away the baby's clothes every time they get a bit of poo or vomit on them? Worrying about the insides of your machine from a small bit of urine is absolutely ridiculous, but you could always have given the stuff a pre-wash then a full wash if you were that concerned.

However, I don't blame you for being furious with your father. He's disgusting. The fact that he had so much to drink while visiting you and your children that he pissed himself and threw his drink up the wall is just skanky, horrible behaviour. Completely inappropriate time and place to be getting leathered.

There’s much to unpick here

1. Your dads an utter disgrace and you should absolutely ban him from your home.
2. “man piss” running through a washing machine and wreaking havoc on all items is also not a thing. At all. Wash your belongings and you’ll be fine.

He pays you for what he's ruined, though in future just wash throws etc in biological washing liquid/powder, it won't affect the machine (says the person who had to use her new machine as the dog forgot to go outside)
I think paying for new things at least shows you he's sorry and wishes to put things right.

Really rubbish behaviour from your father, after you made an effort to make him feel welcome, after all you’ve been through. I’d go low contact with him in your position. My late dad used to take that kind of liberty and tgeee were times I told him he couldn’t come round. understand you not wanting a trace of his body fluids in your place, but to repeat everyone else, that’s what washing machines are for. Be careful not to let anger drive you towards unwise choices.

Yes be furious with him, but binning everything and not wanting pee in your washing machine is another level of crazy. Wee won’t damage your WM and it drains away, what a weird way to think.
For someone who has nothing that’s incredibly wasteful.

My bar is low with two males who for different reasons wet themselves quite a lot

Is he a nice man/dad? Is he generally slovenly ?
Nasty /thoughtless ?

Will he not care or feel humiliated by this ? Did he show any remorse ?

Prostate cancer.
I'm guessing you are in your 40s. He could be heading towards 70s. He's got waterworks issues but is too embarrassed to admit it. He needs checking out.
I feel sorry for you. You are obviously totally stressed out. Perhaps a bit ocd. I can understand your pride in your new house, new start. You were a bit extreme in ditching the kids toys. You need to calm down. Relax. Be kind to yourself.
Please could everyone remember that old men who smell of wee often have prostate issues.

YANBU to be livid with your father.

It's unreasonable to tar all men with the same brush, most men would not pee on the sofa and would use continence aids if this was at all likely to happen; and would apologise and offer to clean/replace anything accidentally damaged for any reason.

I hope you can get your lovely home fresh and clean again.

Totally reasonable to bar your dad, or indeed any man who is the worse for alcohol, from your house in the future.

I understand why you are furious, but if you have young children surely you are used to stains on throws and furniture. Can’t you just wash things? To say you don’t want urine-stained things in your washing machine is just ridiculous. How do you think people used to manage in the days before disposable nappies?