AIBU to feel furious after my father ruined my new home?

I've washed clothes for homeless people before. And I've got a chronic bowel condition so it washes equally if not more grotty stuff on a very regular basis. My washer has lived to tell the tale.

Just in case your DF was telling the truth - keep an eye on the dog for the next couple of days in case it's developing some form of UTI/renal issue.

Congratulations on the new life OP

Oh don't be so dramatic. She's not been pissed over. Her Dad, who may or may not have bladder issues wet himself after drinking too much. It's great she's escaped domestic abuse, I've been there myself, and I'm pleased she's got her own space now. But to throw everything away and not be prepared to put dirty stuff on a machine designed for cleaning dirty stuff.....come on...thats absolutely ridiculous.

This

Ah, fgs

Kinda no diff from a toddler wetting the bed. I’ve never had that issue as mini blondes was dry at night early on and has never had an accident

but had many friends kids have wet the bed

that’s what washing machines are for

mine has washed sick and poo after I got noravirus

God, I do wish people would stop going on about the washing!!

Op was upset, she binned the funking washing. I would have done the same!

Maybe, she's asking about her dad and why?

Then you haven't met many women and I can't believe you ask everyone you know anyway. I've helped out a few colleagues in my life and there might be many more who used toilet paper until they could get to the shop. I suppose you've never wondered why some public toilets sell protection then if everyone already has them.

I now carry something all the time because my cycle is irregular, but that's not the case for everyone.

Unless your dad is an alcoholic and/or was completely wasted it isn’t normal to piss yourself. Given that you don’t say either I would be concerned about a medical issue. He tried to cover it up because he was embarrassed. Tbh I would be worried about him.

It’s no big deal to wash things with wee (or vomit) on in the washing machine. You will do plenty of this if you have pets and kids. My incontinent mum lived with me for a while and while she wore pads they sometimes moved or leaked. I have washed plenty of bedding and PJs with adult wee on them. It never occurred to me that they couldn’t go in the washing machine.

I've never known a mentally competent woman of menstruating age who did not always carry a towel or tampon 'just in case'.

He needs to visit a continence clinic where continence aids can be supplied on the NHS, or buy himself some if his finances permit.

What if it comes and goes so he doesn't always have the Tena with him? As could happen for a woman and her period, for example.

He wears tena men - this is a booze thing though isn;t it and a shit show of a parent (pardon the pun).

What if he's incontinent and can't help it?

It’s not wrong for you to be upset but have you really thrown things out?
we had a brand new sofa just before Covid and our cat peeded on every single cushion - I was very ill so just took off the cushion covers and put outside undercover. 2 years later had a go at washing them with a product from Amazon and staining and smell went. Non natural fabrics do well with getting urine out. More hardy.

You don’t want piss running through the washing machine? You have young DCs!!

YANBU to be annoyed this happened, I mean it sounds awful and if his drinking is causing him to urinate himself then he’s got a problem. But you’re being OTT with all the other stuff.

Of her dad - yes it is. I think there is a phycological element to this as well though, wanting to throw the stuff away and I can understand it.

YA definitely BU to throw everything away when it just needs a wash.

He may not be able to help being incontinent, but he could wear appropriate underwear or not stay at other people’s homes if he knows he has this issue. He should have also told his daughter, he’s not a 5 year old!

This is ridiculous behaviour. You can sanitise your washing machine and throws. A washing machine will clean itself on a spin without clothing and some Milton. You have created a pity-party and cut off your nose to spite your face. I think you need to get yourself some therapy, and your Dad needs a GP referral. Otherwise, this behaviour will get worse for the both of you.

I'd be bloody livid and tell him how much he owes you to replace things. I'd wash what I could though.

Congrats on escaping the abusive relationship; that is no mean feat. If you are not in therapy, I recommend it, because it's not easy to come to terms with reality after 20 years being controlled and manipulated. It's like leaving a cult.

If your dad is a good man, please give him some grace. If he is not a good man, please talk to a therapist! It's very common for abuse victims to move from one abusive relationship to the next. If your dad was the first abuser in your life, you need to really see it in order to break the pattern. Hopefully, he is actually a good person who just had an unfortunate accident.

I think it's understandable that you are wary/ angry at men just now, but I hope you know that good men do exist. If you know that your dad is fundamentally good, I think you could tell him you need a bit of space from him while you process your feelings about men in general. I survived an abusive relationship and it took me a couple of years before I could even get in a car with a man, but now I really value the men in my life. I'm sure you'll get there too but it takes time.

I expect it was his prostate problems that caused him to chuck coffee/cola up the walls too.

Some of them may be ill. A lot of them will just be drunk.

So many people on this thread are either being deliberately obtuse (so they can blame the OP in some way, as is traditional on AIBU) or have led incredibly sheltered lives.

As a PP said, it could be prostate issues which he’s too embarrassed/ scared to talk about.