AIBU to feel furious after my father ruined my new home?

How quickly dod he get so drunk he wet himself? I assume he wasn't plastered when you said he could stay given you have kids in the house.

I'd be pissed off too but also concerned.

People saying the OP could have washed the throws - yes she could, but that's not the point. They were new and symbols of her new life and freedom. Washing may have got rid of the urine but washing doesn't rewrite history. They had still been pissed on by a grown man. Yet again, a man spoils something for the OP, like her abusive ex did for years. The walls are marked, hopefully not stained and can be cleaned, but they've still had stuff thrown on them. The sofa has been pissed on, no matter how well OP can get rid of the smell. Ditto the car seat.

And no, a toddler or an animal weeing on the furniture or spilling things is not the same as a pissed grown man doing it. Not at all.

OP I hope you manage to find some lovely new things and can have a reset in your mind that this time, this really is your new start.

Sadly it happens a lot. Esp with alcoholics

you only need to read some of the posts in alcohol support

pissing over furniture. Not making the bathroom. Pissing in the Wardrobe. Laundry basket. The bed when asleep

YANBU to be very angry with your father. However it was a complete overreaction to bin throws etc., they could have been washed. He hasn't ruined your new home, it's a minor setback, but I certainly wouldn't be in a hurry to invite him back.

What ?

Virus’s happen and I’m generally never ill

but yes obv I washed towels etc

that what washing machine are for

Bicarbonate of soda is great for getting rid of the smell of urine. Chuck a load on the sofa, leave for overnight then vacuum. Repeat if necessary. YANBU obviously.

He blamed the dog? What an arsehole. Hope the poor dog wasn’t punished.

only invite your Dad for brief visits in future - lunch or similar. Meet at his or out in public. If he questions it, you tell him you can't trust him to not make a mess at yours. Hire a carpet cleaner and wash what you can and replace other things when you can. Enjoy your space again.

I understand OP. You have overcome so much and worked so hard and you just wanted support from your dad, not more issues and more work.

Buy some lovely new throws. You don’t want to be looking at something that he pissed on, you want something that is fresh and new like your fresh new start and that’s understandable.

I would meet your dad outside your home for now. Protect your sanctuary. You deserve that. You can still maintain a relationship with him without that being disrupted.

I see your point and have apologized to @20thCenturyFecks .

Thanks. I also am sorry. The rest of what you wrote was appropriate.

I still think there have been way too many negative posts, about binning everything and sympathy for her father. I think it's apparent that @Yousernane has resentment from her past relationship with her dad.

He was so drunk he fell over and sent a drink flying up the wall, and used the living room rug as a toilet, but whatever.

Yep, it’s all the op’s fault that her dad urinated on the first set of stuff that she could call her own after coming out of an abusive relationship.

The lack of awareness on this thread of how anxious and easily triggered the op would be under her circumstances is staggering.

He's the only person I feel any sympathy for in the story, without a lot more information.

Well done for starting a new life. You’re entitled to police who comes into your house.

Throwing away items when you have so few and limited resources to replace seems a little ill thought through, but if that’s what it takes for you to find peace, so be it.

Good luck to you and your family.

Probably op has left this anyway and I don't blame her if she has. So much going on about the bloody washing!!

Going to agree with another poster here. OP is trying to create a safe space for herself and her children. Her dad upending things like this is a trigger for the past abuse. Its symbolic of how a perpetrator creates constant chaos and instability. OP has managed to get away from all that so it following her symbolically into a new safe space is extremely upsetting. I'm upset for her.

Telling her she's blowing things out of proportion, needs to calm down and pull herself together, plus "diagnosising" her with OCD and anxiety is insulting and an astounding thing to say considering she gave all the information needed to explain why this would be so upsetting.

I do the same. So pissed off (pardon the pun) for you…
My DH only has to walk in the door & the place is filthy!
Asked him to use a plate yesterday, WW3 erupted…

Fgs! Would nobody on go about the fucking wash!! IT'S not about the wash!

You didn’t need to throw your throws away. Bung them in the wash, cold wash is best hot wash will ruin them. Put them gon a pre wash and add some distilled vinegar. It’s great for getting smells out. DD sometimes wets herself when she has a seizure and my house doesn’t stink of piss and it’s rare I chuck anything out.

Ask him to pay to have your car valeted.

Yes, a grown man can 'pee on a living room floor'. There are occasional threads about it on here. Men (I'm sure women might too, but it does tend to be men) can get so shitfaced drunk that they think they're elsewhere, like standing in the bathroom. I don't know why they do it, but it is a thing.

I won't address washing/throwing out, as I think that's been covered now—but I'm afraid I wouldn't let him stay over again. If he's incontinent, he really ought to take precautions to prevent accidents when he's with you. Sorry, but I wouldn't invite him to sleep on my sofa another time. I'd meet outside your home or choose meet-up times that will mean he can make his way back to his own home.

Try not to let this experience sour your excitement over your new home. It's not ruined. You can clean it and make it your own again.

This and as frustrating as it is, you can buy solutions to remove the smell of urine. This is resolvable

It wasn't intended to. Sorry about that.