AIBU to feel furious after my father ruined my new home?

It's not like you can throw a large rug in the wash, she'd need to hire a blooming wet carpet cleaner etc to sort that.

Thank you for expressing this so well.

No, you're not being unreasonable. Your father was unreasonable and possibly downright abusive. This was your lovely new home, with new things, and he literally pissed all over it on his first visit.

Your father ruined your stuff; whether he did it consciously or unconsciously, you are not being unreasonable to be bloody furious. You're also not being unreasonable to throw the stuff he ruined out of the house. Why let him hurt you? And it will hurt, every time you look at the lovely throw he pissed on.

I suspect a lot of the posters going 'your Dad needs help/clean the throws' had great fathers who'd only do something like this by accident or through dementia. So they don't get that there are some really lousy Dads out there and that you need to get the stuff he wrecked out and gone.

You're not being unreasonable. You tried. He failed. Don't let him back in your house; he's shown he can't be trusted.

You've got to get on with your own life and protect your kids. A grandfather who wrecks the house the first time he's invited is not the kind of grandfather they need.

Shit faced pissed. The mess they can make is unreal.

Does your mother have a health condition that causes her to lose control of her bladder ? If so and you find that disgusting and embarrassing, it’s not surprising that she’s trying to make light of it to hide her own distress.

Is he an alcoholic? My mother has wet herself many times including in restaurants when she used to be well enough to leave the house many years ago. Its disgusting and embarrassing. She then sniggered and expected my sister or I whoever was with her to find it amusing. I would be disgusted if someone did this in my house it shows absolutely no respect. Sounds like you have been through a very traumatic relationship and your father has not shown any respect or consideration in light of this, in your shoes I wouldn’t be inviting him again - ever!

Prove it.

I'd throw them out too. Ick!

you get urine cleaner, kids wet carpets and beds
when I looked after my parents before they died I had to clean it. Urine cleaner works wonders.
he needs help not fury.

It's made up.

Am I out of order to wonder whether your dad is the reason you spent 20 years in an abusive relationship? I say this as a woman who didn't realise she was being abused and coercively controlled until 16 years in, whose father was also massively abusive (and mother). Since getting out 3 years ago (after almost 4 years of painstaking exit planning), I've done a lot of "work" and one of the most eye opening things I heard from another survivor is that, if you come from a broken home, you have to worry when you meet someone who makes you feel "at home". Well, I learned that lesson the hard way and yes, I also struggle not to be disgusted by all men, especially in the current climate and that recent site where videos of men drugging their wives was getting 62 million hits 🤢🤮

Why is it drunk men are so pissy?!
It's been more common than it ought to have been among the men (no longer) in my life.
Sorry your lovely new home has been tainted, OP. I totally get why you'd want to just bin the lot.
A mate peed himself in a sleeping bag he'd borrowed from me and offered it back after a wash. Horrid. I told him to bin it and get me a new one.

Could it be that he spilled a full can of cider or something rather than pee everywhere?

I am baffled. I have on the past drunk ridiculous amounts of alcohol but have never pissed myself.

All you had to do was wash them. Sorry but as upset and angry as you are you could just have put them in the washing machine. It won't care about man's piss

Wow, you are upset. First of all why did you need to throw everything out, bit over the top. Tbh, l would have washed throws before l would use them anyway. They have been made in some factory somewhere by god knows who, anything could be on them. So re the throws l think you are being unreasonable.
You say his home stinks of urine , l think your father may have a medical condition, ranging from a uti to an enlarged prostrate. He maybe very embarrassed about it, scared to see the doctor, who knows, but talk to him, he maybe struggling, last thing he needs is you kicking off at him. Show compassion, and see if you can help. There is a good chance he isn't as aware of it as you may think....This very thing could happen to you one day, think about that. Everything he did ,is fixable and l get after all you have been through you are pissed off, but just calm down and offer a helping hand

Is this the pee ***

be angry that it happened but dont waste your precious money throwing away things that can be washed.
You’re being dramatic - wash the items and then if you must run the machine again on empty t clean the ( already clean ) machine

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to suggest that OP should have washed whatever she could, given that it took her a lot of time and effort to get her home together and with a lot of help from others. I can totally sympathise with the knee jerk reaction to throw everything out, but venting is one thing, actually doing it when you can’t afford to replace the stuff that’s perfectly washable is something else entirely.

I would be furious and given what you have been through I understand why you didn’t wash them and threw them out.

however it won’t do any good for you and your child to brood over it. Put it behind you and start again.

and don’t let him stay over

Nope, just an equally valid opinion you don’t agree with. You’ll live babes.

He's not elderly, he's 58, and he's an ex-drug user. He's not a sweet old man with a health problem. RTFT.

She also hasn't 'screamed' about anything - that's hyperbole - and she's actually entitled to hate all men if she wants to. I don't understand why some women get so upset about women not liking men - especially in cases like this when a woman has been blatantly abused by the men in her life. It's not how I personally feel but I can understand why she and other women would feel that way. Empathy, innit.

I’ll take that as a Yes on the permanently tone deaf

You've been through so much and stayed strong for so long and finally you get to a good place and relax. Then your Dad literally pisses on everything and you throw out the rug etc in anger. I'd probably do the same in the heat of the moment.

How patronising. She is out of a 20 year old abusive relationship, if she wants to vent about men’s dirty piss in her brand new washing machine, she is absolutely entitled to so that. Telling someone to calm down is aimed to make them feel worse.