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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel furious after my father ruined my new home?

337 replies

Yousernane · 13/04/2026 14:02

To be furious? and hate all men and not want another man in my house ever!!!
i need sound advice because i know im not thinking straight at the minute & my anxiety is through the roof.

I am 4 months out of a 20 year relationship with an abusive emotionally dangerous narcissistic. Spent the last 4 months in with family then emergency accommodation (which was disgusting) out of area with small children.
I have now recently moved into my first home
With nothing but clothes & a few toys. I have spent my last bit of savings on household items, and kindly been gifted some items to make my home a home.
I invited my father to come and visit, i bought and cooked lunch, he had a drink so i offered him to stay over and he has wet himself and then slept on my brand new sofa, all my new throws have had to be binned, he blamed the dog. My rug has had to be thrown out and my babies toy box.
i beleved it was the dog until after i took him home where i could smeall urine, all
my soft furnishings now smell
my car passenger seat too.
to top if off i have found stains on my walls/ ceiling it looks like coke or coffee.

am i overreacting? To be upset/ angry
do i say something or brush it off as an accident?

am i being unreasonable to say i hate men and dont want another man in my house

OP posts:
Starlight1979 · 13/04/2026 14:17

So he wet himself sleeping on your sofa but you thrown away your throws, your rug and all your children's toys?!?!

Ohthatsabitshit · 13/04/2026 14:16

I think you need to calmly explain what got urine on and how? What is the “coffee” staining? How much did he drink?
Be calm. You can make it better again.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 13/04/2026 14:16

Another asking why haven’t you washed the throws and rugs?

take the covers off the sofa and wash them (if not leather). If he didn’t actual piss on the sofa but elsewhere then lay on it, it might just be the covers.

this is annoying, and new rule he doesn’t stay over, but you wash everything.

Dollymylove · 13/04/2026 14:15

Definitely wash the throws. A couple of cycles if necessary. Can you borrow at upholstery cleaner to clean your suit?. Toyboy and toys need a good soaking in antibac fluid and they will be fine. Does your dad have bladder issues or alcohol issues that make him unable to control his bladder?

SassyButClassy · 13/04/2026 14:13

Are you saying he urinated on ...the ceiling???

MyMilchick · 13/04/2026 14:11

What the hell was he doing that he managed to piss on so much of your things? 😨 But agree with others, you could have washed a lot of that stuff (or got him to wash them) and they'd be OK, it's just urine, the smell would go away easily enough after a good wash

GirlWednesday · 13/04/2026 14:07

Could he be incontinent? If his house smells of urine, maybe he can’t help it.

He might have said it was the dog because he’s embarrassed?

If he’s normally a good Dad? It would be a shame for this to ruin your relationship with him over something that might not be his fault. Surely he wouldn’t have pissed himself on purpose?

Catza · 13/04/2026 14:06

It's unpleasant but also I struggle to think why you needed to throw away rugs and throws and how it happened that the toy box got ruined as well. And how did he get coffee up a ceiling. Something doesn't add up...

Bettercallsalli · 13/04/2026 14:06

Wash them. No need to throw them away!

FrenchandSaunders · 13/04/2026 14:04

blimey that's awful OP, how drunk was he to do that fgs ... I wouldn't have him back, no respect for you or your home and what you've been through 😡

Eastie77Returns · 13/04/2026 14:04

I’m sorry this happened. Can I ask, why do you need to throw everything out? If the items you mention are urine stained can you not wash them?

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 13/04/2026 14:04

Yanbu to be upset. Yabu to chuck throws away, just wash them!