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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel furious after my father ruined my new home?

337 replies

Yousernane · 13/04/2026 14:02

To be furious? and hate all men and not want another man in my house ever!!!
i need sound advice because i know im not thinking straight at the minute & my anxiety is through the roof.

I am 4 months out of a 20 year relationship with an abusive emotionally dangerous narcissistic. Spent the last 4 months in with family then emergency accommodation (which was disgusting) out of area with small children.
I have now recently moved into my first home
With nothing but clothes & a few toys. I have spent my last bit of savings on household items, and kindly been gifted some items to make my home a home.
I invited my father to come and visit, i bought and cooked lunch, he had a drink so i offered him to stay over and he has wet himself and then slept on my brand new sofa, all my new throws have had to be binned, he blamed the dog. My rug has had to be thrown out and my babies toy box.
i beleved it was the dog until after i took him home where i could smeall urine, all
my soft furnishings now smell
my car passenger seat too.
to top if off i have found stains on my walls/ ceiling it looks like coke or coffee.

am i overreacting? To be upset/ angry
do i say something or brush it off as an accident?

am i being unreasonable to say i hate men and dont want another man in my house

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/04/2026 14:31

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Tbf up the walls is a new one.

CarolinaLiar · 13/04/2026 14:30

How much did he drink that he pissed himself? This is so beyond the realms of normality.

And throwing stuff out that could’ve been washed is absolutely ridiculous.

Mangelwurzelfortea · 13/04/2026 14:29

Classic MN - everyone having a go at the OP and NOT AT THE MAN WHO PISSED ON HER STUFF.

This place is full of twats at times.

Mangelwurzelfortea · 13/04/2026 14:28

That is absolutely vile. I'm sorry OP. Clearly your dad has a drinking problem and maybe that's contributed to why you've found yourself in relationships with narcissistic men. It's time to start prioritising yourself. You don't need disgusting drunk pigs in either your or your children's lives.

murasaki · 13/04/2026 14:28

You didn't overreact in being angry, but you did in throwing out things that could be washed. And now you're even more angry, and that bit is on you. I'd be angry, and have sworn a lot while washing things, but not have thrown out things thay can be easily cleaned.

Jellycatspyjamas · 13/04/2026 14:28

Yousernane · 13/04/2026 14:23

so he said he slipped on dog wee so i think hes dell with a drink in his hand and its splashed up
there was a large wet wee stain under all the edge of my rug and went onto the bottom of toy box.
then hes slept on the thrown in pissy clothes and made them stink
i have a brand new washing machine i dont want mans piss running through it and i was angry all my lovely new items were ruined thats why i binned them

I can understand your anger, but if you have pets or kids there will be piss running through it at some point because animals and children get sick and have accidents. It’s a real shame so much was damaged.

Original poster
Yousernane · 13/04/2026 14:27

@Jellycatspyjamas no it was human wee and the dog doesn’t wee in the house at all even when left

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 13/04/2026 14:27

Washing machines can tackle a lot of stuff. I don't understand why you didn't just wash the throws a couple of times instead of binning them?

Original poster
Yousernane · 13/04/2026 14:26

Not someone else piss

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 13/04/2026 14:26

Is it possible the dog had an accident? I just can’t imagine a grown adult peeing on a living room floor.

RoseField1 · 13/04/2026 14:26

Yousernane · 13/04/2026 14:23

so he said he slipped on dog wee so i think hes dell with a drink in his hand and its splashed up
there was a large wet wee stain under all the edge of my rug and went onto the bottom of toy box.
then hes slept on the thrown in pissy clothes and made them stink
i have a brand new washing machine i dont want mans piss running through it and i was angry all my lovely new items were ruined thats why i binned them

That's really stupid

Gcn · 13/04/2026 14:25

What's a washing machine for if not for washing dirty stuff???

Original poster
Yousernane · 13/04/2026 14:25

Thank you @CleanSkin & @InterestedDad37

OP posts:
FreeRider · 13/04/2026 14:24

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Jellycatspyjamas · 13/04/2026 14:23

I’d be bloody furious. In the absence of a health condition that affected his continence there’s just no excuse. It must be absolutely gutting to have got yourself into a good position and have someone literally piss on it. While it doesn’t make sense I know from an emotional point of view I’d want to bin stuff, though I’d most likely give it a good clean.

Original poster
Yousernane · 13/04/2026 14:23

so he said he slipped on dog wee so i think hes dell with a drink in his hand and its splashed up
there was a large wet wee stain under all the edge of my rug and went onto the bottom of toy box.
then hes slept on the thrown in pissy clothes and made them stink
i have a brand new washing machine i dont want mans piss running through it and i was angry all my lovely new items were ruined thats why i binned them

OP posts:
InterestedDad37 · 13/04/2026 14:23

That's grim 😕
As someone said 👆 possibly incontinence (in which case someone should make him aware of the smell, and how to manage things better). If he was just drunk and generally doesn't look after his own hygiene, then that's on him 🤢
Either way, not a nice way to start your new start! Hope you get sorted.

Marmalade71 · 13/04/2026 14:23

We definitely need some more context on this - out of control alcoholic or elderly / incontinent?

Verv · 13/04/2026 14:21

Wash the throws/rug/box.
And that was his final visit.

CleanSkin · 13/04/2026 14:21

He hasn’t ruined your new home.
He has dirtied some things that need washing, and he has behaved badly (assuming no medical issues beyond potential alcoholic incontinence). He needs to recompense you for the cost of laundry and for anything that you actually need to dispose of.
Please review the things that you want to throw away, as they may be redeemable (per PP above).
Also, please don’t let this traumatic & antisocial experience damage your fresh start in your own new home. That’s far more important than an accidental / lazy case of incontinence. You have done wonderfully well to make a break from your past, I hope you can continue to focus on building a great future.

Credittocress · 13/04/2026 14:21

This is gross. I’d feel the need to throw them out too. In the same way some poster don’t like dogs licking plates even if they go in the dishwasher- I couldn’t use these items again happily.

Luckyingame · 13/04/2026 14:20

You are not being unreasonable at all.
You have your home, you don't need to let another man in, ever, if you don't want to.
For me, that sounds brilliant!
These are annoying, but practical problems.
They will get sorted, because you have motivation, as above!
Edited to say he's not allowed in anymore and ought to pay for some of the items being deep cleaned, as per PP. 🍀

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 13/04/2026 14:18

I would be telling him he immediately needs to replace said items and he’s never welcome again. Dirty pig!

DallazMajor · 13/04/2026 14:18

How is the relationship with your dad in general ?

HoppingPavlova · 13/04/2026 14:17

So, he has wet himself, which has gone into the sofa. He has also wee’d on the rug and in a toy box. He has thrown coffee/cola on your ceiling and walls. Is he a raving alcoholic, or has dementia (my grandmother used to wee on the floor and in things like sugar bowls when she had dementia)?

YANBU to be livid at your father if he could help this. YABU to make out all men are the same. No man I have ever lived with, DH, or my (adult) sons have ever done anything like this.

I think the problems here are the sofa and car seat. Once wee gets into foam it’s hard to get clean/get out. However things like throws, and rugs don’t need to be thrown out! They can be washed with special stuff that takes wee traces right out. I had someone living with me with disability where things were often wet. I made sure things like sofa’s, mattresses, car seats had waterproof covers, but everything else would just go in a special wash, and there was never hint of urine smell in the house (if washing was banked up, there would be smell confined to laundry, which was a seperate room that could be shut off).