AIBU to feel furious after my father ruined my new home?

YANBU. You now have the perfect reason not to have him in your home again. Look at that as a positive.

Do people generally take the piss? If yes, don’t leave guests alone where possible.

Same. They’d always be the throws that an adult man pissed on. I certainly wouldn’t be snuggling up underneath them on the sofa.

Dementia?! She says in her OP that he was drunk.

I get that you are angry OP but try to focus on creating your own home and no you never need to have a man in it on a permanent basis ever again. Or to have your father round if he behaves that appallingly. And I can understand you binning the throws, the sense of someone literally 'pissing' on something you've managed to buy for yourself to mark a new start, which is symbolically important, would anger me too.

OP, I get it. You fled a dangerous situation, found your haven, worked hard to make it a home and another man has come along and literally pissed on your parade. I get wanting to throw out anything that has been 'tainted' and not wanting it going through the machine.

Ultimately, remember you are safe, throws and things can be replaced. I don't know the backstory to your father's health (alcohol problem, incontinence) but those are his responsibility to sort. You don't have to have him, or another man in your home again, once the rage passes, think of this as a good lesson that you do not have to have anyone cross your threshold who may disrupt your peace.

Very much based on my own experience of working with alcoholics.

No, this is something you came up with in your own head based, presumably, on your own experience. At no point OP indicated he was an alcoholic beyond mentioning that they had some wine with dinner.

They were cheap throws and I wouldn't keep them if my alcoholic dad had pissed on them either.

Sorry you had this happen OP.

Your little haven of calm begins today and will not be disturbed again. This was just teething problems as you fine-tune the nice things you keep in your life and the messy, difficult things you hold at arm's length. 💐

It’s not been wrecked though, cleaning is a thing.

It suggests he's an alcoholic. Male alcoholics piss themselves all the time.

I binned them because i was angry they were lovely and new and i dont want to keep them they were only £10 to be fair

Okay they feel tainted and remind you of being let down - fair enough though I'd have washed and replaced on my own timetable not thrown out in a temper.

I do suspect he's behind a lot of your issues though and if this event helps you keep your distance and distance between him and your kids - then use the anger to protect you all.

This is very odd. Who chucks things out as they don’t want pee in their washing machine,

Well yes, because there is zero context and it is rather hard to believe that he did it on purpose. The fact that OP smelled urine in his house when she dropped him off suggests a health issue, self-neglect, maybe dementia... whatever. In which case a normal response is to find out what's going on with your parent and whether they need any support. Not go around throwing perfectly good items away because she has some kind of a thing about using a washing machine for what it was intended.

Why are you being so unpleasant to her? Her new stuff has been wrecked by yet another abusive man in her life so she's binned it. It's not difficult to understand.

Amazing how many posters are focused on this (and slagging off the OP) and not the obvious history of abuse. So much for women supporting women.

Take a deep breath. Have a cup of tea and a biscuit.
Focus on how well you’ve done leaving an abusive relationship and getting started again. There is no need to have men in your house if you don’t want them.

The washing machine is going to have far worse through it in its time, it makes no difference whose pee it is.

Oh, that's such a disappointment, OP. I get why you're furious with him, but if you can retrieve the things you've thrown in the bin and wash them, then do. Washing machines can cope, and toy boxes can be wiped and disinfected. It would be a real shame to deprive yourself of your new things in a state of high emotion.

YANBU to be upset

But

YABU to throw away your throws!

They can be cleaned in your washing machine. I appreciate you have said above you don't want urine in your machine but there will be no trace of it left. Or send them to a launderette? Because the cost of replacing is probably more than the cost of a professional clean?

OP when you've calmed down, you'll have wished you had just washed them. It is annoying when you've finally got a safe space for yourself and someone spoils it..lesson learned for letting him stay again if he can't hold his drink.

Well his behavior is vile and I wouldn't want him back in my house or round my kids TBH.

i have a brand new washing machine i dont want mans piss running through it and i was angry all my lovely new items were ruined thats why i binned them

This is just insane. Wash the stuff at min 60 and but some febreze or bi carb to deal with any smell left.

As PP says kids and pets get ill so machine will have urine in it at some point - it's for washing stuff in - so wash the stuff put a machine clean on after if your that worried.

I wouldn't through out easily cleanable items and don't know many who would - and I'm in a much better position than you to do so.

He's clearly an alcoholic. I'd be very low contact and certainly never have him back in your home.

Ignore me if I’m barking up the wrong tree, I notice that women who end up in relationships with emotionally abusive men, often have had regain behaviours normalised by the men that raised them, the anger you’re feeling suggests to me that your dad has form for letting you down or lying to you.

I can’t articulate it well but if it’s anything like my experience with my own Dad, there’s this deep inside part of me that always wants to see the best in him, I’d tell myself he loves me really, I’d have believed the “I didn’t do that it was the dog” type of lie because my gut would want to beleive my father wouldn’t disrespect me like that, especially after everything you’ve been through, it took a lot of therapy for me to realise my father displayed the same behaviour that the men I was drawn to did, and in this scenario I’d have chucked those rugs out too, they’d feel contaminated with lies and disappointment and shame, and every time I looked at them I’d link the memory of him getting pissed and pissing all over my home at the time I needed the most support.

Apologies if it’s out of character for him and he’s usually an emotionally present decent dad, Im really sorry you’ve had this happen.