AIBU to feel furious after my father ruined my new home?

I understand! But I a lot of your anger and disgust is about your relationship too. You poor lass!

I don’t blame you for being angry OP. It’s worse when something brand new gets damaged or stained. I could see myself stuffing something in the bin out of anger and frustration. It’s understandable that your emotions are exaggerated after such a stressful time. Can you still rescue the throws and wash them? Maybe use antibacterial laundry cleanser to make sure they’re clean enough for you to feel comfortable with. Everything can be salvaged. Your dad was probably embarrassed and didn’t want to admit it was him. He was a muppet, but think twice before banning him. It sounds like he was there to support you but made a mess of it. I would let him know I’m upset but I wouldn’t burn my bridges.

You didn't need to throw anything out op so that was an overreaction and self destructive. But you might need to avoid asking your father over until he's sorted himself out.

I feel that’s a personal choice..unless you wash your dogs paws when they come in from outside, are a no shoes house etc.. You could wash and re wash the items. Bicarbonate paste the others. I’m a real clean nut and I’d have done this in desperate financial circumstances.

Unpleasant yes, but eminently fixable. Sorry OP

Congratulations on the new house 💐💐

You’re not BU to be livid. You are BU for not just cleaning it, or asking him to pay for it to be cleaned.

Exactly. Piss tank. He wouldn’t be visiting me again

Someone old enough to be a grandfather who is getting so drunk he pisses himself is somewhat unlikely NOT to be an alcoholic. I would think seriously about how much contact you have with him. A part from this one incident, does he add anything to your life or is he a source of instability?

OP, you've had an horrendous time and done so well to get yourself out and set yourself up in anew place. I'm not surprised you're fuming. But don't over react and make your new life harder by binning things in anger that you could recover and make useable. You only hurt yourself and your DC if you that. Wishing you all the best for the future.

OP your dad either has a fairly severe drinking problem or some other health issues. Neither of which is an excuse for this but I would honestly keep him at arm’s length.

OP has stated that her dad is not an alcoholic, so people should probably swerve the 'severe drinking problem' (which was at no point suggested by OP) thing now.

More importantly - You'd keep a family member potentially suffering from health issues at arms length?

My nan was incontinent for the last five years of her life (doubly incontinent for the last year) and was completely unaware and incapable of acknowledging due to dementia.

Thankfully our instinct was to look after her and get her the support she needed rather than 'keep her at arms length' after her first accident.

1 comment.

And yet all the bigotry and bigotry apologist posts remain.

Much like some of the ableism and racism we see on MN.

Someone who is very angry and very upset? Why are you commenting on her, rather than her incontinent relative?

You can choose to not have someone in your OWN HOUSE for any damn reason you like.

Eh????

Did he wet himself because he was drunk? Or is this old age incontinence? If the former then you're right to be a bit angry. But if the latter then you're actually being quite cruel. In both circumstances you're overreacting.

To say you don't want someone just because they're a man/because of their race/sexual orientation/disability is absolutely wrong.
To say you don't want him to come (I would have sympathy if he had a medical issue, but to lie and blame the dog is awful) is absolutely fine.

I would never ever allow him in my home again. That’s disgusting. Drunk or not.

First of all, no, you don't have to have him stay again; that's of course 100% up to you. Maybe don't have anyone stay over until you're feeling a bit more settled in your new space. Some accidents and damage will always happen over time, even just from the children and the dog, but I bet when you are more used to having your own place and things and your furnishings are broken in and feel like part of your home you may be more inclined to wash or fix them rather than that kind of extreme emotional low of feeling that they're ruined and you don't want them around to remind you.

Secondly, I'd think how you're reacting about your dad depends on context. It sounds like the family you've been staying with does not include your dad, and you've just been to his house for the first time in a while when you smelled the odour there as well. Have you not seen him in a while? Do you have any knowledge of his having a drinking problem or possibly a medical problem? Is he close with anyone else in the family who could give you more context? Regardless, even if he were 100% telling the truth, it was very weird and counterproductive of him to sleep in the urine and spread it around rather than just cleaning it up as soon as he noticed it, or at least telling you about it and asking you to do it. And if he lied it's mean and unfair to worry you about the dog! Obviously you've already had a lot to deal with and are probably still feeling much on edge. In your place I'm not sure how much I'd be angry versus concerned, but you feel what you feel!

I am sorry this has happened…….just when you were getting back to some sort of acceptable living arrangements and some arsehole goes and spoils it. You’re right to be angry and upset. Hope you get this resolved OP…….next time dad wants to stay over be sure to say “yes, providing you don’t piss yourself” !
If it’s due to a medical condition he needs to get help to manage it…..if it’s due to alcohol he should be ashamed.

I can understand your frustration and I can understand to an extent throwing the things away - you shouldn't have to deal with a grown man's piss who couldn't even own up to what he'd done. Personally I would've washed the stuff but I would've been angry and disgusted while doing it, especially if I already had a difficult relationship with him

Ffs can people stop having a go at the OP for binning stuff, it's hardly the point. It probably feels like they've been violated and ruined. I wouldn't want to keep stuff that a disgusting man had pissed on either.

@Yousernane I'm sorry that you've had this happen. You'd hope that your parents would be there to support you, not piss in your house!

You’re the one with the deleted comments, mate.

Keeping your new home as your own haven sounds like a really good idea.

Channel that anger into self-care and strong boundaries xx

It really won't harm the washing machine. Afterwards you can just run through an empty hot wash.
However, I understand your anger, and it comes from your situation and your battle for a home.
You'll need to talk to him so that he understands your anger. It sounds like a really unpleasant situation.

You don't even want to understand this situation do you? She's had a really tough time and has gone from having nothing to having something that's just for her and her children. Her life's been pissed on, quite literally, and you're accusing her of being childish. I think you're the one who needs to grow up.

Again, very strange.