AIBU to feel furious after my father ruined my new home?

I am not going to say you are entirely unreasonable nor reasonable because there are a couple of things at play here , you wet yourself as a child and your parents looked after you , one can argue you were a child but I am guessing your father might have health conditions and alcohol certainly aggravated them , you need to be kind as that is what you expect from your parents

I think a clean toyboy is the last thing she needs currently...

I’d be really annoyed too but you’re a complete idiot to throw things out that could just be washed. A washing machine is literally there to clean things.

Not at all, plenty are condemning her father but with caution, possibly he has a serious medical issue. But she does deserve criticism for chucking out items that can be easily washed. And you can wash/disinfect washing machines afterward if worried about the pee somehow contaminating it. Lord, this is her FATHER not some random stranger off the street.

I find sprinkling bicarbonate of soda on urine for a few hours, then hoovering it up, makes the smell go away. This will be great for your car seat and sofa. I've used it many a time when kids have an unexpected accident when the mattress protector isn't on. I usually do it when it's wet so unsure if it would be best to spray it wet again first.

@FictionalCharacter

Also territory marking - another reason why I can understand the OP not wanting to deal with the stuff that was tainted. (Not saying that that is what her father did, but I can understand why it would affect her.)

I worked in a school. There were issues with the boys deliberately peeing up walls.

There have been many, many instances of perfectly healthy men urinating all over the place simply because (like the OP's dad) they were drunk. Or just lazy filthy pigs.

A male friend told me that in a male dorm in a youth hostel, men from a group were pissing on the floor in the corner instead of getting up and going to the bathroom. The room was stinking in the morning. I've heard similar from cleaners in student halls of residence. Lifts in blocks of flats and student halls stink of urine every Monday morning.

A man I used to work with was devastated when his girlfriend broke up with him. One reason she did, was that he repeatedly came home drunk and pissed on the carpet, the sofa and one night, on the TV. He understood that what he did was wrong, but not quite how disgusting it was, and seemed to think his antics were actually quite amusing.

What your dad did was disgusting and unforgivable, but washing machines can cope with urine on fabrics. The machine doesn't become contaminated! The detergent pulls out every kind of yucky stuff from the fabric and breaks it down, and the three rinses remove it all from the machine.
If something is really badly soiled, a prewash will deal with it.

You could always use a laundrette, if you don't wish to sully your new machine.

How unforgivable and disgusting

Sorry this has happened. No you are right to be angry. I do not blame you for never wanting a man in your home.

Not unreasonable at all, but as others have said items might not need to have been thrown out. However, the bigger issue is what's going on with your Dad. You've not mentioned his age, but this isn't normal behaviour and he's clearly not acknowledging the problem. Have you previously been aware of any issue with alcohol and did express your concern after this episode or just annoyance? Don't blame you at all if it was the latter, I'd be annoyed too. My ex used to urinate on the sofa but that was in the latter stages of severe alcoholism.

When everything is clean again, I'd shut the door and keep everyone out. Up the self care and treat yourself like gold dust for awhile. Your needs are your number 1 priority at the moment! Until you feel like yourself again and more in balance at least. You could sick the kids in childcare for awhile and until you get more organised and do whatever bits you need to do. You got this! I could use se your anger as motivation to build the best life possible for yourself and your kids!!! Congrats on leaving your ex by the way, it was a big step!

Who are you talking to?

No she is an alcoholic and was an abusive narcissistic parent. Did you enjoy inferring scathing judgments when someone you don’t know shares one of the many awful things their parent does in order to someone else? Get a grip and learn to ask non judgmental questions before making such statements or don’t comment at all. People come here for support not for mean girl BS there’s enough of that!

Playing devils advocate

many older men develop bladder issues due to prostate problems.

he may be embarrassed, perhaps soiled trousers and didn’t bring spares hence the odour

or maybe the dog did indeed do it , overscenting a male in the home as many do

or a traumatised nervy female dog could too of been through trauma with you

you can launder most soft furnishings so binning them is not necessary.

the stains on the ceiling seems odd, that said I’ve opened a can before which did this ! It over chilled in the freezer ! My kids have done it after opening one that’s been dropped. Easily done

unless he was drunk , on drugs or did this deliberately or negligently perhaps step back and consider if the awful trauma you’ve been through is impacting your feelings about this.

its also possible as a child growing up in dads house (if you did) that’s you did far worse as many kids do so can cut him some slack

at the end of the day - do you want a relationship with dad ! If you think he’s sick talk to him, if you think it’s deliberate talk to him.

the only people who can resolve this are you

and so much good luck with re building your new life! It’s far easier to wash rugs and buy paint than find new family x

Sometimes when you're struggling anything that happens puts more pressure and it's unbearable.

It's not about men, it could've been your best friend or the dog or the cat and it would be igniting the whole suffering that you're experiencing.

So punch your pillow or whatever strategy you have to calm down stress, breath deeply, get your stained stuff back and with 3 pairs of gloves and some oxy go to the nearest laundry and get possession again of your life.

Next time ask daddy to go out and never invite him home again, it won't do any good to neither of you

Good grief he must have a () like a fireman’s hose 😳 how could anyone wet that amount of items and not take his clothes off! Hard to fathom with them on?

Guys, the stuff has been thrown out - it's gone. Let it go. @Yousernane came here to vent. That's all. She was looking for a bit of support.

Looks like the Cuntbus arrived on this thread and dropped off a few passengers…even had a “NAMALT”. How marvellous for the OP, who has been worn down by an abusive relationship and has now literally had part of her lovely new life pissed on.

YANBU, at all.

Yanbu to be cross with your father.
Yabvvu to not use a washing machine for its intended purpose.
Yabvvu to throw stuff away (new things too) particularly when you’ve got so little.

Seriously. I remember staying at a friend's house in my 20s after a house party. I got up in the early hours to use the loo and a guy who'd also stayed the night tried to use the bathroom while I was in there (door locked thankfully).

Before I'd finished I could hear splashing outside. By the time I came out, he'd pissed all over the hallway floor and crashed out on the sofa. I had to do a running jump to get past it. 🤮

What would you have done had it been the dog ? A child ?

Bicarbonate of soda for urine on your sofa. Cold wash for the rug, then a 40 degree. Clean the toy box.
Maybe your dad is ill and needs help?.....

How gross! I would want to know why he didn't immediately inform you about the dog wee (don't believe his story). If the dog peed on me there's no way I would be able to sleep in it. He sounds like he's got problems with either alcohol or incontinence (maybe both) and that needs addressing when you calm down