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Original poster

MIL playing victim

54 replies

Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 12:39

I didn’t see my MIL whilst pregnant and only saw her twice in the previous 3 yrs (at events) and partner isn’t close to her. Now we have a baby she is playing victim saying that I do not let her see the baby even though I am the one who takes the baby to her house every few weeks for a visit as my partner refuses to see her. How am I the bad guy in this?

OP posts:
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OldHattie · 14/04/2026 07:22

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 14/04/2026 06:48

Have you read her updates? He’s making it her responsibility to take DC to see them by pretending he’s to busy and telling them OP will bring baby.

OP you need to remove yourself from the situation and tell DP that if he either needs to block them or be honest that he isn’t interested in seeing them. If they are so bad he doesn’t want a relationship with them then he should be protecting his DC from them

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Yes, I agree with this^^

S0j0urn4r · 14/04/2026 07:00

DP is the bigger problem.

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 14/04/2026 06:48

toomuchfaff · 13/04/2026 15:20

is it just this area that you absolutely roughshod over DP?

He said all through pregnancy he wanted nothing to do with his mother - you maintained contact.

He has nothing to do with his mother - you're facilitating visits and contact

DP seems like he has an issue; and its you.

Show quote history

Have you read her updates? He’s making it her responsibility to take DC to see them by pretending he’s to busy and telling them OP will bring baby.

OP you need to remove yourself from the situation and tell DP that if he either needs to block them or be honest that he isn’t interested in seeing them. If they are so bad he doesn’t want a relationship with them then he should be protecting his DC from them

Oddgain · 14/04/2026 06:27

This reply has been deleted

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Eightfor15 · 13/04/2026 21:09

So you abuse your partner and your child by foisting someone toxic on them.

I mean someone else toxic.

zeroclucksgiven · 13/04/2026 20:46

OP @CDTCis correct… no woman on this forum would tolerate her DH or DP facilitating contact with her DC and anyone with whom they are NC…. I’m not trying to be rude or mean to you but you need to choose who is more important- your DH and your child or MIL….. I know you’ll not choose her so now you have clarity and can step back.
Your intentions were well meaning, that is clear, enough now x

CDTC · 13/04/2026 20:07

This is your DH family, you shouldn't be facilitating contact with the baby if he doesn't want them to see the baby. I'm NC with my mother and I would be devastated if DH insisted that she has contact with our DD even though it's clear that's the last thing I want. Plus his mother sounds a complete twat to boot.

Nowvoyager99 · 13/04/2026 16:47

Block her. DH can deal with her, or not. Up to him.

Credittocress · 13/04/2026 16:38

GreenCandleWax · 13/04/2026 16:19

He needs to take responsibility for his responses or lack of them to his DM. At present he is avoiding saying No by getting you to act as though he said Yes to her but just wasn't available. Is he a completely avoidant, cowardly wet lettuce? Or does he have anything about him enough to tell his DM where he stands? He should not ben hiding behind you, let alone letting you tsake the flak.
This is an issue between him and her. Keep yourself and DC out of it.

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Or it might be that he knows she is toxic and tramples over boundaries so just refuses to engage. You can choose to go NC or grey rock someone, but it doesn’t stop them reaching out to you. It sounds he wants to cut contact with low drama

GreenCandleWax · 13/04/2026 16:19

Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 15:50

I didn’t contact her throughout the pregnancy as per his wish. He maintained his usual yes/no texts with her.

2 weeks after the birth he agreed for her to come over but left the house as he said he couldn’t be bothered with her.

He needs to take responsibility for his responses or lack of them to his DM. At present he is avoiding saying No by getting you to act as though he said Yes to her but just wasn't available. Is he a completely avoidant, cowardly wet lettuce? Or does he have anything about him enough to tell his DM where he stands? He should not ben hiding behind you, let alone letting you tsake the flak.
This is an issue between him and her. Keep yourself and DC out of it.

PituitaryPippa · 13/04/2026 16:15

It isn’t your responsibility to facilitate a relationship between your child and your MIL. Tell your DH and MIL to sort it out between them.

greyweek · 13/04/2026 15:55

Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 15:50

I didn’t contact her throughout the pregnancy as per his wish. He maintained his usual yes/no texts with her.

2 weeks after the birth he agreed for her to come over but left the house as he said he couldn’t be bothered with her.

You do the same. And block her number.

Either partner confronts them or he keeps playing hide and seek games with them - you don’t need to be part of it.

Original poster
Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 15:50

I didn’t contact her throughout the pregnancy as per his wish. He maintained his usual yes/no texts with her.

2 weeks after the birth he agreed for her to come over but left the house as he said he couldn’t be bothered with her.

OP posts:
greyweek · 13/04/2026 15:45

You’re lucky in that your partner refuses to see her I.e is not attached to her. It won’t affect your relationship with him if you do the same as him.

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 13/04/2026 15:42

Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 13:38

He told me throughout the pregnancy that he didn’t want them involved then after the birth he sent them pictures so I felt guilty about them not seeing the baby so made the effort.

I think you are being disrespectful to your partner here.

OldHattie · 13/04/2026 15:41

Hayxfever · 13/04/2026 15:39

Everyone plays the victim on MN.

I don't think I understand your point... this is not really relevant since the op's mil isn't the one posting? Did you just feel the need to randomly get that off your chest?

Hayxfever · 13/04/2026 15:39

Everyone plays the victim on MN.

Pistachiocake · 13/04/2026 15:31

Often it is up to the mum, as (more usually) she has more leave, and is breastfeeding, and often plans schedules regarding appointments etc in the early stages, so my husband would leave it up to me to arrange things, which was right simply because I was the one off work and doing those things. I have never agreed with the idea of only speaking to blood relatives; MIL is just as closely related to the baby as my mum, and I would talk to her just as much.

So maybe text her and ask her out for a coffee, and talk about when suits you for her to babysit/go out together?

Oddgain · 13/04/2026 15:20

Honestly this is pathetic

toomuchfaff · 13/04/2026 15:20

Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 15:12

He doesn’t want confrontation so lies that he’s busy/working to avoid them and gets away with it but that wouldn’t work for me.

Edited

is it just this area that you absolutely roughshod over DP?

He said all through pregnancy he wanted nothing to do with his mother - you maintained contact.

He has nothing to do with his mother - you're facilitating visits and contact

DP seems like he has an issue; and its you.

Bunnybackinherwarren · 13/04/2026 15:13

Woman the fuck up!! Stop offering up your precious dc to a woman nobody is comfortable around!!

Original poster
Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 15:12

He doesn’t want confrontation so lies that he’s busy/working to avoid them and gets away with it but that wouldn’t work for me.

OP posts:
Oddgain · 13/04/2026 15:03

Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 14:47

There’s no chance partner would sit there with them so he would leave the baby there which I’m not comfortable with as I don’t know them well nor do I agree with their behaviour.

He doesn’t want his child to have anything to do with them

He doesn’t have anything to do with them

Why the HELL are you pushing this??

GreenCandleWax · 13/04/2026 14:55

Your DP's decision has given you all the freedom you need to let this difficult and unpleasant person out of your life. Why are you resisting?

Original poster
Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 14:47

There’s no chance partner would sit there with them so he would leave the baby there which I’m not comfortable with as I don’t know them well nor do I agree with their behaviour.

OP posts: