to find childfree comments on parenting forums insensitive?

I think as someone said, it would be nice if everyone stayed in their lane. It's such a twattish thing to say, especially to those that are struggling. I remember a few years ago, it was my first night home with my eldest. First time parent, absolutely no idea what I was doing and with a baby who wouldn't cry and I posted on here that I was struggling. Most of the posts i got very were very supportive but I distinctly remember one poster said my post had reminded her to get sterilised as if that was any use to me whatsoever.

Equally twattish are the posters posting on childfree threads "you don't know what true love is" etc etc.

Yes it would be nice if we all stayed in our own lane, but I'm aware life doesn't work like that!

Agreed, OP. I don’t go to DogsNet and tell people asking for tips on how to housetrain a difficult puppy that “This is why I’m dog-free by choice—dogs really are PIAs and I don’t understand why anyone would want one.”

I am happy to have all women here, mums or not.
Not keen on men.
But MN has clarified that the site is meant for everyone, so I just scroll by the men and their mostly pointless posts, usually about how they don't get enough sex.

You are naive if you think getting rid of childless/childfree people on Mumsnet will somehow turn it into a “safe space”. From my observation on here the nastiest comments towards parents tend to come from other parents.

I was just about to post this, too.

Similar to the classic
''Just be grateful she's not dead cos mine is!!!''

When moaning about toxic mothers.

Oh I am sure not everyone means it in a belittling way - there are plenty of careers I wouldn't want to do either! But there are people who DO mean it in that way and there is also the problem of not always being able to read tone in a text conversation too.

Meh, it’s the internet. People are going to be irritating sometimes. And people are working through their own stuff.

For many years I was ambivalent and conflicted about whether I wanted children, as my family of origin was really dysfunctional. Later, when I was in the grip of biological broodiness, I wasn’t sure I wanted to tether myself in that way to the man I was with at the time. And then, I spent 7 years trying and failing to have a baby with my DH.

Throughout all these circumstances, I told people I was ‘childfree’ and made a big deal about all the freedom I had, and all the compromises I didn’t have to make - mainly to stop people asking incredibly intrusive and hurtful questions about why I hadn’t had kids yet at my age and to hide my hurt.

I spent a LOT of time familiarising myself with all the downsides and difficulties of motherhood, to help myself see the positives in a future without kids, which was becoming increasingly likely for me.

After many, many, many losses I managed to have one living DC at age 40.

And I’m very glad I did - but it’s also fucking hard! And I do also have a hope that the Slidng Doors hypothetical version of me that didn’t become a mum would eventually have moved through the defensiveness and pain and grief to have a lovely and fulfilling life without needing to justify it all the time to herself, and to people who insist a woman can’t be complete without children.

The comments by child free posters about dodging a bullet don’t bother me, as I have a sense of where it might be coming from for some posters, and they are in a much harder place than I am now.

And for childfree posters who genuinely don’t want children, I’m not offended when they recognise the challenges and constraints of parenting. I don’t see it as smug so much as recognising how hard and thankless it can be! It’s certainly less irritating to me than the people who want to blow rainbows up your arse about how being a mum is the most meaningful calling there is.

It’s as bad as men being on here too. Go elsewhere.

I agree, I don’t have a problem with childfree people being on here but when it’s a post specifically wanting parenting advice the “I don’t have kids but” comments are annoying, especially when they’re showing a massive lack of empathy

I am guilty of this. But I think that’s different to belittling somebody’s choice. Honestly I am very thankful for teachers as no way could I deal with the kids out and about today!

But as another poster has mentioned, just about every CF thread has at least one poster declaring that you don't understand love until you have a child, makes you a better person, my life had no meaning etc.

Yeah, a bit off-topic but I’m always a bit surprised by how many people seem comfortable declaring they were complete sociopaths before they had children! And taking it for granted that applies to everyone!

Both types of comments are unnecessary, gloating and insensitive.

That's why I never had children
You don't know what true love is without children.

It is on many different thread types - and the childfree board does complain about people with kids leaving nasty messages as well.

I do see the narative across threads and boards on here though that all mothers are miserable and regret kids and if you say you don't you are brain washed and stupid. I could see I could have lived a happy life without kids but it doesn't change fact they've been that hardest work and the most fun thing I've ever done.

I've seen some posters try and explain the fun - it's often small everyday things that spark joy and then they get sneering responses about how small they sound. But maybe that my background - every big life event someone in my life kicked off about something - so the joyous moments I look back on do tend to be the quiet private often unexpected ones which can be small and silly but oh so emotional.

I get this a lot.

I will say I am knackered an be told “how can you be tired? You don’t have children. Have children and you will really know what tiredness is!”

I think some people feel that Mumsnet is just for people with children.
So in that case, it would be a bit like going to a forum that specialises in Volkswagens and constantly saying "this is why I drive a Mercedes".

But lots of people are here for different reasons and that's fine.

That said, people who come on any thread saying "that's why I don't have children/never take buses/never eat waffles" are best just scrolled past on the children/bus/waffle threads.

There is, but then surely child free posters posting "This is why I don't have kids!" on the rest of the parenting areas is surely at least as bad as people making snidey comments on the child free space.

People also definitely come on MN just to release some innate rage about modern parents or women and to find some to tell off.

I agree with you but honestly I see this kind of thing from parents and those without kids.

Going into each others spaces to suggest their choice is the superior one. It’s stupid.

I only get it if the space is an open forum.

It can be as annoying as hilarious sometimes depending on topic.

Like the people who go on threads about holidays IN holidays topic to hissy fit about how crass it is to talk about expensive holiday planning...
Pretty sure I've seen someone comment on x food thread that they don't eat x food.

People just do that. As CF I don't get though why to say that. Just think it and move on.
But pps are right that every thread on MN without children is overtaken by parents as well

As a childless poster I don’t go looking for the specific parenting boards. But AIBU and Chat are a bit different I think? I might post on a thread about adult children as I have experience of being one of those!

I have 4 kids op but saw the opposite the other day , young woman (god I sound old!!) saying she was studying and working full time and didn’t think she could keep it up and a lot of the replies were ‘you think that’s difficult how do you think those of us with families manage?’ or ‘wait until you have kids? Why are you stressed?’ etc. I thought it was terrible

I don’t get responses like these????

It’s almost whiney and child like “but she said it first, he said it too”.

No need to be a smart arse. Mumsnet is primarily a parenting forum.

OP doesn’t have an issue with non parents posting, her issue is what some non parents say in response to parenting issues.

Agree wholeheartedly with this. It goes both ways OP!