to find childfree comments on parenting forums insensitive?

You have experienced life before children. You have not experienced life without children. So no, you’re not actually in a better position to compare.

(And even though it is not tactful to go on about it, logic dictates that people with children have experienced both having and not having children so are in a better place to compare than those without.)

Oh is that why there are mothers barging into the child free board then? Because they know best?

Everyones grateful for their pearls of wisdom I’m sure 😂

This. Some parents don’t understand all the drama at times. But isn't that the point of discussion boards?

I am more likely to feel like using tact towards someone who doesn't have (and wants) something that I have, than someone who spends their free time running down my very mainstream life choice to have children.

(And even though it is not tactful to go on about it, logic dictates that people with children have experienced both having and not having children so are in a better place to compare than those without.)

Don't you think that goes both ways? Some parents seem to feel very insecure about their choices, otherwise they wouldn't spend so much time on the MWC board telling us we're wrong.

The fundamental reason they is they’re self-absorbed dicks with no tact, who can only see the post through the prism of their own insecurity about being childfree.

There is (obviously) nothing wrong with being childfree. I would’ve been perfectly happy being childfree, in the same way I’m also happy with being a parent. However, if you’re genuinely happy and comfortable with your life choices, you don’t spend all your time trying to prove to yourself and others that you made the right choice. You just get on with it.

Penis beaker reported in the press brought me here originally. Apologies @HisNotHes - I didn’t realise discussion on penis beakers was restricted to parents only. Lesson learnt.

And they got comments such as “the thing is, it’s different when they’re your own. And that’s something you’ll never know”.

No, it’s just a thread for people who know they weren’t cut out to be mothers. Fortunately for all concerned they did not bow down to pressure to have kids anyway. No harm done.

Also I would point out a few posters went into the thread to troll it with endless “you’ll never know real love” posts anyway so it’s not like their “I’m happy child free” view wasn’t challenged

I am childfree, and I wouldn't post pointless comments on a thread about parenting issues, just as I wouldn't post a 'I'm so glad I don't have a ...." on any thread where someone was complaining about something I've chosen not to have in my life.

But some people do, just as some parents will come onto childfree threads to wax lyrical about how wonderful their children are.

It boils down, I suppose, to a human desire to validate one's choices, and gain validation from others. I don't think this behaviour is peculiar to the childfree.

I'm really confused by this. I'm not sure if you're being naive or deliberately obtuse. It's plainly not a site just for "mums". I suspect it was originally but became hugely commercially successful (you only have to see the sponsored posts) so has expanded massively beyond its original remit. But the brand name remains "Mumsnet" so it's staying that. But, at this point it is surely operating similarly a brand name like "Dyson" (which has moved on from making just vacuum cleaners). It's evident by how there's sections dedicated to shopping, pets, relationships etc. I don't think gatekeeping works, it provides a forum for lots of people.

Because if you google anything and search forums then mumsnet comes up. There are loads of threads and boards where children aren't mentioned or critical to the conversation. There are boards about books, tv, elderly parents, style and beauty, spirituality, relationships, politics and so on. I don't really look at the specific parenting boards. I'm pretty sure Mumsnet is one of the largest forums in the world now and is no longer just about parenting. I suppose as a woman I do appreciate that its a site with more women than men as far as I know so if feels like a safer space.

I'm CF but had come across Mumsnet when I was planning my wedding; some of the first links that came up when I googled wedding planning questions, or help with some of the interpersonal/family dynamics surrounding wedding planning, were all to Mumsnet chats.

Then my husband and I were considering adoption, so there were helpful threads on that as well.

Mostly I stick around for AIBU and the Mumsnetters without Children boards, as the CF threads on Reddit tend to be pretty nasty towards mothers and I don't like that. I love being an aunt and godmother, and though I certainly don't comment, it's helpful reading the parenting boards because it gives insight into what my friends and family members may be experiencing. The majority of my close friends and women in my family are all mothers and getting a better (and unfiltered) perspective on motherhood helps me be a better friend and a better aunt.

Just a little bit on how some CF women end up here and why we stay.

Not hard for me to imagine, but hadn’t occurred to me.
Thanks for actually answering the question, no need to be so pass-agg about it though.

Now this is an actual helpful response, thank you.

I did end up on MN having googled and seen an answer on this site listed, I'd thought MN would be all feeding schedules and school choices so pleasantly surprised how much this site covers. The really nasty answers seem to come from the women who are DM, they think unless you find motherhood endlessly rewarding you're a bad parent and shouldn't have had a baby

I also think ‘phew, grateful I don’t have children’ is nowhere near as awful as ‘you’ll never experience real love’ but again that might be because of where I am with it all.

I think the phew greatful I don't have kids in fine in many contexts and a perfectly resonable stance for many women/men - it's not a million miles from glad we don't have babies at our age which TBH DH and I both feel and say to each other not wider than that- it's fine for others but we're glad we had them much earlier and now have teens.

It only becomes a nasty phrase when it's in reponse to a mother talking about having a bad day with their kids -and someone says that in response - which was the OP original point. It's putting the boot into someone already on the floor - it's not helpful to anyone and is being said to hurt.

It's hard to think of a context where you'll never experince real love is not a really twatty comment meant to hurt someone.

I do too. Possibly because I am child free and those are the comments that I remember. I also think ‘phew, grateful I don’t have children’ is nowhere near as awful as ‘you’ll never experience real love’ but again that might be because of where I am with it all.

Tbh, I see a lot more unkind comments from mothers towards other mothers than I do from childfree women.

If you Google any one of a number of non-parenting subjects, a Mumsnet thread will be at or near the top. Attached is a screenshot of the top threads in Active right now - there are eight threads before you reach anything in any way connected to parenting. After a break of many years I only came back because I googled removing a particular stain from carpet, and a Mumsnet thread offered good advice. You can find good advice here on so many subjects, and some of the specialist boards offer a supportive community to people going through a lot, from cancer to menopause, redundancy to eviction. Why does not being a parent exclude you from that community?

Because you might Google a topic and a Mumsnet thread comes up in the results? Is that so hard for you to imagine?

MN is advertised everywhere. You see an interesting thread title on X or in the press, you read it, realise there’s threads on all sorts of topics and that the name isn’t a reflection on the site and you stay. Is it that tricky to comprehend? If you went on footballers.net once and realised there were a host of threads that interested you and weren’t about football would you not think you’d be welcome to stay?

It’s not faux-naive, I genuinely would like to know. For example, I’d never visit a site called teachersnet or footballersnet because I’m not a teacher and I have no interest in football. I honestly don’t know what would make someone visit mumsnet in the first instance if they weren’t a parent or trying to become one.

Thank you @AprilMizzel I am sorry you had to tolerate this ridiculous and insulting behaviour. Apart from this so-called friend I mentioned, I also got patronising remarks and comments from other people too. A couple of midwives and health visitors and a GP. (ALL women.) I was in my 30s, and they acted like I didn't know which part of my daughter the fecking nappy went on, and like I would probably put it on back to front.

My 'friend' was the worst though, talking down to me like I was a bloody simpleton, about how I should be looking after my OWN newborn baby, when she hadn't ever had children. Thought she was an expert because she babysat her nieces and nephew sometimes. FFS!

.

Oh my days, what a nasty thread.