to find childfree comments on parenting forums insensitive?

In my experience (happily childfree till I decided to have a child, who was born just before I turned 40), a certain type of person who sleepwalked into marriage and 2.2 children or whatever because that’s ’just what you do’, and probably mostly socialises with similar, gets quite triggered by anyone who reminds them, simply by not having done the thing they thought was well-nigh compulsory, that their life was also a choice.

It’s psychologically easier for them not to think of it that way, to think of their choices as non-choices.

The same people who couldn’t handle me being childfree were the ones who kept telling me after I had DS that I had to have another because it would be ‘selfish’ to have an only child.

I conclude that someone having a life that looks ‘easier’ or more pleasant, whether that’s no children or one child, is triggering for people who prefer thinking everyone’s like is the same broadly similar trudge.

I wonder if the people who do get somehow offended by people not having children etc are somehow not happy with their own choices?

I have children but have plenty friends and relatives who don't for a variety of reasons. It literally has no impact on me, I don't give it a second thought nor do I feel a need to badger them or question them about their choices.

Of course some people do, we've even seen on this thread someone berating another poster that they should be thankful to her because her children would be paying their pension. It's madness. What possess people to act this way?

I like children too, love to see them happy. I adore my nephew, who is a delightful young man in every way. But I’m at peace with not being a mother, as much as if I had chosen not to be one. As @Onleemoi says saying that is not a slight on parents.

I feel the same. I like children, I have great relationships with my nieces and nephews and with my friend’s children. It’s not a slight on anyone if I say having children was not for me.

I think it’s wonderful that they’re happy that they have kids. I’m constantly thankful that I made the right decision for me in not having them. All good.

I wouldn’t crow about my childfree state on a thread where people were talking about how tough parenting was, though, and I’d be very unimpressed with someone came onto the MWC board to tell us what we were missing out on.

I was in a coffee shop at the weekend & the people sitting next to me had a very vocal baby. Happy but noisy. I commented on how cute she was, we had a brief chat & they left smiling. So it’s absolutely not an ‘I hate kids.’ Simply that I was never meant to be a parent.

Sorry, my post should read "thank God I have kids" not 'loss"

I agree people CAN sometimes talk bollocks about something if they haven't experienced it themselves.

However, in the main part people have made a positive choice to have kids, the most selfish choice you can make when you think about the planet, etc. (I made it myself - I have a daughter).

So in a way, if people have kids and are moaning about how tough it is, perhaps the child-free DO get a bit pissed off by that? Or just feel genuinely glad they don't have any?

It's not at all like a parent going on a child-free forum and saying 'oh thank God I have loss", as many on a child-free forum may have infertility etc - so that would be a deeply insensitive thing to do.

Some people may have kids because they were raped/had an unforseeable contraceptive faolure and were unable to access an abortion, but for the vast majority of people in the UK, it's a positive choice, so not really the same thing at all.

First class imo @KimberleyClark, am very pleased to be in the childfree club, don’t care what anyone else thinks. I’m sure most parents feel the same and quite right too. Each to their own.

Yeah, those of us without kids are just second class citizens aren’t we.

Thats ok no probs ................yeah its ridiculous isnt it

I mean the idea that someone without kids shouldn’t have a right to social housing (sorry for not being clearer).

Do you mean me or them? It was on a thread on this site

What a load of bollocks.

I was told that i shouldnt be in social housing unless i have kids. Despite the fact i only live in a one bedroom flat.

It is indeed @EmpressaurusKitty.. Tamzin has been my life long hero ❤️

Is your name from the Romney Marsh books?

I’m so sorry you’ve been through that @TamzinGrey .

.Please don't call us "the infertile" . It's a vile way of referring to people like me who struggled for years to deliver a living child and for whom IVF was unsuccessful.
I'll probably never come to terms with being childless, but visiting the MNers Without Children board and reading posts from child free people who are happy with their lives helps me so much.

That means yes? 😂

Given the spite evident in the quote to which I was responding, I’d say it was pretty easy to tell.

Is that sarcasm? Difficult to tell online.

No. We’ve been trying to get HQ to take it out of active for ages, but they refuse.

And notices at the top of posts saying that the OP only wants viewpoints from MNers without children don’t work either.

Is the child free MNers hidden?

Is it actually going to comfort someone who is infertile to be told by someone who has chosen not to have them that they should consider themselves lucky?

Tell me you've never been on the childfree board without telling me you've never been on the childfree board.🙄

That just isn't how it works on there. Sometimes there are threads aimed specifically at CFBC or CFNBC and that is respected. Many threads are relevant to both.

Ultimately we are all living the rest of our lives without children, however we have arrived at that point, and there are common experiences - handling judgement and inappropriate questions; the logistics of old age and inheritance, the practical and financial advantages of not having children to look after, factor into decisions and provide for financially - all those things exist whether or not you feel fundamental happiness or sorrow at not having children.

100%

It probably isn't the place for someone who is still on their infertility journey in the hope it might be overcome.

But if she has reached the end of that journey without the outcome she desperately wanted, a community focusing on the positives and practicalities (things like inheritance choices) of a childfree life may be of more help than a community still focused on the aim of pregnancy which is now never going to happen for that individual.

I’m glad you’re happy now @SimonQuinlanksWeakLemonDrink.

I’m happily childfree & couldn’t care less about the parenting threads. I’m here for feminism & cats.

But we’ve been trying for ages to get the MWC board moved out of Active & MNHQ have refused.