House guests…

You need a teasmade machine next to your bed- so they don't you know you are up.

IF you have made it very clear that you prefer that time to yourself, then they are rude.
DH and I would sometimes stay overnight at his parents, because they lived some distance away. I did shifts back then and his mum still worked. She thought nothing of vacuuming outside our bedroom at 7am- when I'd only arrived 30mins beforehand from a night shift and was in bed. Some people have no clue. 😡

Well, apart from the kids, we haven't had house guests in years (grandparents now all gone, sadly). But this is the ONE thing about them which I dread.

To me it just seems so obvious - that it's really rude to come downstairs long before breakfast and get under the feet and in the hair of the host who's working hard on our behalf!

I find it's very often guests who never host who do this though.

Well if you’ve specifically asked them to stay upstairs till7am because that bit of solitude first thing is important to you and they are ignoring you, don’t invite them again.

Most people make few demands on their guests, so when they do ask for something specific it should be done with good grace.

With ur friend on this one,I've been like this since a child.Always last up Christmas mornings and birthdays.

Not very productive at work before 10am either,no matter how early I go to bed.

Use your words.

My mil is like this when she stays. Either me or my husband get up early with the toddler. It is irritating but I don’t mind as she lives alone and I think she just likes capitalising on company. She’s a lovely woman so I just plaster a smile on and chat every though I would much prefer to ease into the day. If I was you and didn’t have to get up I’d nip down for a quick cuppa a bring it straight back up to bed with my book.

We set up a little hot drinks station (just a kettle, a little jar of coffee and tea bags and mugs) and they take some milk up in the evening, in our guest room. It has an ensuite for water. So encourages guests to enjoy a nice hot drink in bed....and thus delays them coming down. Could that help them stay in their room a bit longer?

How did you word it, when you spoke to them? As a pp has said, if it was a terribly british ‘oh don’t feel you have to get up when I do!’ gently gently sort of way, they may well have misunderstood what you mean.
I fear I’m a bit of this sort of person, given the chance 😂 I feel guilty staying in bed while others are up (blame my upbringing I guess!?) so would also get up if I could hear the host was up, and because I’m a morning person, I go straight from asleep to as I am for the rest of the day (if that makes sense) so I would be chatting etc too first thing. It’s just who I am!
Going back to bed to drink your coffee is probably a good idea, or a more direct conversation, but the risk you run with the direct conversation is that it could well come across quite rude, like you’re telling them you don’t want them around, if you’re not careful!

I really sympathise, OP. I'm expecting house guests next week - 2 very old friends, and I suppose we all have our funny little ways.

Yes, one in particular will bustle out of bed and come downstairs as soon as she hears me....I just know. This is the only bad thing I'm anticipating, but it does bug me. Like you I'm a very early riser and I need my quiet time to read and have some coffee. I wish people would realise that having people staying is stressful and tiring and NOT to bother the host before breakfast. Now, this seems bloody obvious to me...but not to everyone, it seems.

I love watching in films/TV or reading about those country house parties of the past (esp between the wars). Very civilised - you met for meals and some organised events, but otherwise were expected to entertain yourself with walks or reading in the library etc etc. I'm sure they were very enjoyable because (servants apart) people weren't in each other's hair all day for several days!

I'm preparing in 2 ways: 1) I will plan how to put it perfectly politely but clearly that I don't want to see anyone before breakfast and 2) I'm also going to tell them I'm an early-to-bed person and need my rest (they will both talk till the small hours otherwise.

This is part of the reason I don't encourage guests to stay at ours, and I basically refuse to stay at other peoples homes. That first hour in the morning where it's just me and my cup of tea sets the tone for my whole day. It's akin to someone who likes to end the day with a glass of wine. I barely even speak to my husband for the first hour of the day, my brain just needs that time to be peaceful. The thought of having to make conversation with other people, or even just knowing they're there and awake would be awful.

Take your coffee back to bed.

I agree with you and I would be the same but unless you have told the guests this how are they meant to know? Could you get a drink and take it back up to bed? If you tell them they might not feel pressure to get up when they hear you as they perhaps feel bad if they hear you up and they’re not up helping.

OP I have a friend who is similar and before people come to stay (and on the first evening of their stay) she 'jokingly' says that she's very anti social in the mornings so please don't mind if she needs some 'thawing' time before 8am. People seem to understand what she's getting at she says this works a treat.

I do this as a house guest. It's because I feel lazy and uncomfortable lying in bed if the host is up and about. Not because I have a huge urge to socialise at 7am! Most of our friends and family we have to stay are the same.

I actually don't mind having small talk over a coffee with guests. But if I did want my own space for an hour I would just do as other posters have said and tell them that.

Your OP comments on a week of guests being hell "in Mumsnet terms", as if you disagree, but then you give an example of why it is difficult having guests. If you're up they might feel like they should get up of that they should make conversation. If you don't want to then you will need to stay in bed or make yourself scarce. It is difficult being "on" and entertaining all day.

People have usually been taught that considerate guests roughly follow the flow of the household and get up when their host does.

So I think YAB a bit U op if you didn’t say something like, “I hope I won’t disturb you in the mornings when I get up early to read and meditate for an hour before the day gets going at (whatever o’clock) I find it so beneficial to my mh nowadays. Please don’t feel that you need to get up when I do.”

You can’t expect your guests to be mind-readers op!

I hate guests for this reason. We had two different lots over the Easter break and DH is a late sleeper, so it's all up to me. I just want to make my coffee & breakfast & have 30 minutes of quiet.

I think it's rude to tell your guests when to get up, so I suck it up. Most of our family & friends are early risers. They also smell coffee so they get up asking for me to make them one (machine with many buttons!).

I just try to limit guests staying!

I would tell them plainly:
Susan, i need the first hour of the day to have my coffee alone and to plan my day before kids are up. I don’t like company first thing in the morning. So don’t feel that you need to get up - the official start of the day when kids are up.

If they say something back say that you know they are not early risers so they can do the same at your house.

Do you think they do it because they want your company without kids?
Or maybe they are not comfortable for any reason in their bed so waking up anyway? Some people are not good sleepers somewhere else.

But I bet you’ve had a conversation in a nambu pamby (and very British way) where you’ve just said something like “please don’t feel you need to get up”. What you actually need to say is what you’ve said here “It’s lovely to have you here and to have so much time to catch up, but I really need that hour to myself in the morning to unwind quietly and prepare for the day. I know you don’t get up this early at home so there is no need to change your routine here, but if you do want to get up early while you are here, that’s of course fine but I’ll just take my
coffee to another room and have my quiet time alone.”

One question though - is that time in the morning the only time they get with you without your kids around? Because if so you probably need to carve out a different slot. Much as my parents adore my DC, I know when they visit they like alone time with me too.

Don’t have people to stay if this annoys you so much. It’s one week.

Tell them frankly how much you enjoy your quiet hour or two first thing, and how much you really don't like conversation or company in that time!
They are family or close friends I should think so honesty about this shouldn't cause hurt or offence surely?

Then if they continue to intrude on your quiet time don't invite them to stay again!

So you have asked them to give you an hour alone and they haven't? Yes, I think that's bad manners on their part. Later in the morning I'd try and get up same time as hosts because it makes coordinating breakfast/going out easier. They don't want to hang around waiting for me. But ar 6/7 when I know they want some solo time, I'd very happily stay in bed! Or disappear off for a run if that was in my plan.

I agree with PPs. They might feel they're being rude and/or lazy not getting up when you do. I'm not an early riser and always feel awkward if my hosts are up, as if they're drumming their heels waiting for me so they can get the day started.

Your guests are not mind readers, so I think you're just going to have to be explicit. Tell them they don't have to get up when you do and that you're quite happy to sit and read. Maybe mention it's what you do every morning and they might get the hint.