AIBU to think my MIL should stop commenting on my parenting?

This is nonsense and would actually be illegal. Toilet trained or not children are entitled to an education.

Our DGS was 2 on Boxing Day. He’s been out of nappies since he was 22mths old, he hasn’t had a bottle since he was 1. He sucks two of his fingers, instead of a dummy, which my DS &DDIL don’t want him to do in the day so they bought a glove when he was about 18mths old which prevents it. If the fingers go in his mouth, he’s told to take them out or the glove goes on and he does.

Unless there’s a massive drip feed coming there’s no reason, imo, for your DD to still be in nappies, having a bottle or a dummy. Years ago, the vas majority of children were potty trained by 2.5, what has changed is nappy manufacturers bringing out this “wait till they’re ready” nonsense.

And they expect teachers to change their children for them?!

If this isn’t a reverse or some sort of rage bait then this might be one of the first times in all my years on MN that I’m siding with the MIL. Dummy, nappies and a bottle at 4 starting to school in Sept with a baby sibling on the way? Eeek.

I also think given there are no additional needs that is quite cruel to a child to not support them in their milestones and to keep them babied as long as you have.

People do judge whether we like it or not, it's human nature. You imply you let your four year old out the house with a dummy. She's not a baby and I almost guaranteed it will have been spotted by others. To make her open to ridicule is awful.

She has a sibling coming in 3 months yet there doesn't seem any urgency on your part to resolve these issues. A sibling is a massive adjustment for her and you plan at the same time to be taking all these items of comfort away at the same time instead is again cruel to her.

And know your MIL probably shouldn't have told her she'll be bullied. But she may very well be if it isn't sorted. And similarly, I can't believe any reputable dentist would say there was no issue with a four year old falling asleep with a bottle of milk.

And no, don’t leave it to primary school teachers or their assistants to do it for you.

Nasty old MIL. Not. She is concerned about her grandchild. And who can blame her ? Four years old and in nappies.
There lies the issue with disposables. If you had to use the nappies your MiL did your child would be out of them toot sweet.
You have the summer to get your tot trained. Good luck. If I were you I would ask your MIL for some advice.

With MIL on this one.

Is your child developmentally delayed ? If not then I would get cracking on potty training and weaning off bottles and dummy immediately. It won’t get any easier in better weather -it’ll be harder because you’ll have a newborn to look after. Look at the charity eric uk online for support with potty training.

Sorry to be harsh but you are an idiot not to have sorted these issues sooner. Getting a new baby sibling is a huge deal and so is starting school. Throw in potty training, no dummy and no bedtime bottle you will have a hugely unsettled child. She might associate losing things she loves with the baby. Please get rid of the dummy today.

Hmmm, one line of your post really stuck out to me : “let me parent how I want to”. You’re not actually parenting though. Being a parent means supporting your child through their milestones, often quite actively. Your MIL is absolutely right that your DD is long past the stage that bottles, dummies and nappies are appropriate. A child starting school in 5 months should have been using a toilet independently for a long time. Lack of appropriate parenting just pushes the issues on to teachers and school staff - completely unfair. But most of all, it lets your own DD down. Using the toilet and being encouraged to develop this self-efficacy is a matter of personal dignity.

No they can’t refuse entry as will be seen as discrimatory under the equalities act. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.

thw issue here is this lazy parenting which has now got so bad as to cause the child issues, or is there a developmental delay that needs addressing, not just the fact she is in nappies, but the bottle the dummy etc.

Op I think you need some help. Have you got a health visitor?

@CoffeeWithMyOxygen schools in England can’t prevent a child starting school if they are still in nappies as that would be seen as discrimination. A child does not have to have a diagnosed need (many DC won’t be able to have an official diagnosis by 4 anyway as there is such a backlog in the process)

The percentage of children starting school in nappies is increasing, partly down to special needs and partly down to parenting

@CoffeeWithMyOxygen
A large number of children start school still in nappies. The op's dd won't be the only one.

They will let her start, they no doubt won't be happy about it and will put in place plans to address it, but they can't refuse entry on that basis alone. It wouldn't be lawful.

Because she didn't get the responses she thought she would

She won’t be bullied largely because if she’s still in nappies most schools won’t let her start! Unless there’s a genuine medical need kids being able to use the toilet is a basic requirement for most schools for them to enter Reception.

26 pages in and no reply from @DearDog96 ..

It’ll be very tough to do it when newborn’s here, as your daughter will already be feeling unsettled and you’ll have a lot on your plate. You don’t have much time so you need to sort these issues as a matter of urgency.

At least your MIL is being honest with you rather than silently judging as many others will be- don’t shoot the messenger and all that.

She wasn't though, was she. She was telling her 4 year old granddaughter she was going to be bullied

Sorry but your MIL is correct. I‘m baffled why you’re having another baby when it sounds like you’re failing to parent your current child properly. You need to pull your socks up. The dummy needs to be binned today (/2.5 years ago) and toilet training needs to begin today (/2 years ago).
Really concerning.

Potty training isn't just a week to get them initially using the toilet, it's months of practising in all different environments, lots of accidents etc. you can't do it a few weeks before school, you're setting her up to embarrassing accidents in school

And the dummy and bottle are another level OP, that is just laziness on the parents

Your MIL is right. You need to at least crack the potty training now, before the baby arrives. Imagine if you’re sitting feeding the baby and DD needs her nappy changing? It will be really stressful.

I was at my wits’ end with DS who wasn’t potty trained at 3 when I was pregnant with DD and had to force him into it. It took 4 days and he was fine.

Mine didn't have dummies or bottles so can't comment on that but I did find the advice on toilet training didn't quite work for my eldest - everyone said that once they are ready they just "get it" and tbh that wasn't my experience. She had accidents, she needed constant reminders to go to the toilet and it was often a battle. We got there in the end but I found it fairly stressful - I think that's normal though. Maybe your expectations of the process are too high? Absolutely would not be keen on doing it with a newborn around.