AIBU to think my MIL should stop commenting on my parenting?

Hi, been following along but not commenting - well done for the progress made so far @DearDog96

We potty trained a long time ago now but I remember I had a sheet on the back of the toilet door. It wasnt exactly a star chart it was a picture of a butterfly with circles on its wings. When DD did a wee in the toilet she put a sticker on one of the circles. When all the butterfly circles has stickers she chose something from the shop - something small like a magazine (this was before magazines cost £8 😂)

We didn't have a dummy or bottle problem but we had a massive massive thumb sucking problem. Be very careful you don't replace dummy with this.

For this, I read that it takes 3 days to break a habit. So for 3 days straight I just gave her absolutely no opportunity to suck the thumb. It was exhausting as it meant no TV, no books, basically very little down time as this was the time she would suck. We did loads of outdoor time so she was shattered and when home we kept hands busy so we did loads of playdoh and baking and I also bought lots of new art kits and we did one after another!

Bed time was harder. Very strong sleep association. We cracked days first then went for nights. It took a couple of nights of me sitting with her while she fell asleep, holding the hand with the thumb she sucked. She did cry but after a few nights the habit had gone. I wished I had done it years earlier.

Can you set prizes for so mant stars? Maybe 5 she gets a small treat, 10 another nicer treat, 15 means a soft play trip etc

I agree with a lot of this. I think there is a lot of expectations around potty training on it being as simple as here is a potty you now wee on the potty, tell me when you need a wee which misses out a lot for key steps in learning the skills to master potty training

We introduced a potty with my eldest at 7 months and when she started to sit unfortunately after a spell in hospital she refused to use it from 13 months. When it came to potty training we did it at 2.5, we would have done it earlier but as a 1st percentile baby toddler we couldn't find any underwear small enough. Before we commit to no more nappies we did a series of small sessions without a nappy on. We started with an hour and built from there. She needed teaching what a potty is, the sensation of when you need a wee, to hold a wee until your bladder is fuller. The first hour we did without a nappy on she wee every 3 or 4 minutes. By the third time we were doing this she wee once in the hour. We treated pull ups like knickers whilst we were working up to doing the full training and kept putting her on the toilet/potty throughout the day when we were at home. Until we started training we were in cloth nappies we only moved to disposables at the start of training for ease of getting to use the toilet when it was available

Definitely ditch the potty and go straight to the toilet. At 4 years old it’ll be difficult to get down into the potty anyway! No tv either! Do you watch tv when having a wee? 😵‍💫 She’s old enough to understand, and learn how to use the toilet for it’s purpose. Part of toilet training is to understand, and learn the need to stop an activity to go empty bladder and bowels.

Remember that school won't have pottys, she will be required to sit upon a toilet - prob a child sized toilet but still a toilet
and she won't be watching tv at the time.

if you’re going to use the potty (and I’d agree with others to go straight to toilet) then make sure it is at least in the bathroom. No TV, no living room etc. She needs to learn that the bathroom is where you go to wee and poo.

I’d also go straight to toilet at this stage. She gets to flush herself and gets a chocolate button. No TV - it’s a distraction that she doesn’t need - full big girl expectations.

well done for getting on it.

as an aside, I think that there’s been a real creeping back of advice that has really harmed a lot of parents and kids on potty training by lulling them into an “oh well, we’ll just wait until they are ready” mentality. I agree it’s closer to the norm, but it’s bad for a variety reasons.

A summer born 3 year old has to train over the winter and not the summer (which is way easier) to be sure that they will be school ready and not up against it in a race against time. 3 year olds are more stubborn than 2 year olds and 2 is physically optimum for the continence muscles - ERIC the continence charity has now issued guidance encouraging people to start earlier. Finally, the emphasis on being ready is rubbish - a handful of kids train themselves, my DD was one of them, but most developmentally normal kids (like my son) need at least a week at 2 and might have a couple of accidents here or there after that - shooting for being done in a weekend with perfect ability is setting kids up to fail and putting masses more nappies into landfill.

worth bearing in mind for number 2!

Get the TV out of the situation!

I agree with straight to the toilet at that age. No more baby.

I’d take two wees in the potty as a win. Just keep in with the praise

You don't really want her watching TV though as it'll be a distraction. She's not focused on actually learning to wee in the potty or toilet.

She won't consciously wee in the potty unless consciously removed and placed on it (or rather the toilet at her age)

Things have moved on.....

@Jumpingthruhoops that’s not necessarily true about nighttime as that is partly reliant on hormone being present

Why would you be waiting for better weather to resume potty training? Is your toilet outside?
Sorry but at 4 and about to start school, your DD should be clean day and night.

I wouldn't have even bothered with the potty OP. You should have gone straight to the toilet. Its what she will have seen you and her dad doing.

Good luck either way though. And we'll done for accepting you should have done it earlier. Its not easy to admit when you're in the wrong

isn't 2 wees in the potty 2 more than she has ever done before ?
That's brilliant ! 2 wees - I hope you told her how wonderful that was are you rewarding her in any way ?i.e. stickers / star chart / chocolate buttons / clapping / hugs and kisses ?

How’s today gone? It’s not easy potty training but I hope it hasn’t been too bad

I do agree with getting her in a routine of when she needs to go to the toilet.

So roughly when she gets up for the day.

Then before everytime she has a meal or a snack so that she is taught to wash her hands before eating.

Then again before her bath and then again before bed.

You mustn’t give up this time, otherwise gives confused messages. Did your DD ever comment about dirty/wet nappy in the past?