Probably am being unreasonable but I feel so sad!
Someone I haven’t spoken to got in touch with me recently and I haven’t seen them since I was 22. They sent me some photos of me I’d forgotten about and looking now I think ‘why did I ever think I was fat or ugly?’ And why did I take life so seriously? I was so worried about getting a career, money, my life course that I lived live very risk-averse. I prioritised my jobs over everything even though I’ve been made redundant, had jobs that fucked with my mental health and now all I want is a job that pays the bills.
It’s made me feel sad because I’m 34 now and I definitely didn’t make the most of my ‘youth’. I know I’m hardly an OAP but it’s different now. By this age we have life experience and the scars to show for it
It’s shallow but I look at myself now too and realise every day I’m going to show more signs of aging. I am not as attractive anymore. My face is changing, the wrinkles are starting and I have more grey coming through than I’d care to admit. I think everyone reaches an age when the bright youthful spark disappears from your face and that has happened to me. I suppose now I’m a lot more aware of mortality and while I don’t fear getting old exactly, I can see why people have a midlife crisis about it. It’s strange to feel like your youth went so quickly and that time is now done and won’t return. At that age I thought anything could happen in life, there was a world of possibility, but they optimism has gone now and been replaced with realism.