To look back at my youth and feel sad?

What's to say that you'd still be alive, or wouldn't be living with trauma, if you hadn't have been so risk adverse? I feel that I didn't make the best of my 40s, but that was my peri/menopause years. You are still in your prime, you have time to make changes. It's true that you'll never be the age that you are now and one day you'll be knackered, your orgasms might not be as intense and it'll take days to get over a decent drinking session. I'd say to any woman in her 30s, get your shagging and drinking in. That's without discussing having to shave your fingers and what your toes might look like, in twenty years. Make the best of what you have, here and now.

Youth is wasted on the young is one of the most accurate pieces of wisdom you’ll ever hear. Couldn’t be more accurate.

That said, most of this looking back stuff is 20/20 hindsight. You’re 34, not 94. You’re arguably still in your “youth”.

I do agree this is a bit ridiculous at 34, OP. Life can only be lived forward, so chin up and crack on.

Yes, exactly. You're still doing what you are complaining about having done in your 20s. If you're not happy with that, you're going to have to figure out a way to repattern your thinking about yourself and your life, as it sounds utterly joyless. You're 34. You can still do whatever you want.

Just remember you are at risk of doing the exact same thing in your 30s OP. You don’t want to look back in 10 years and lament the fact that you spent your 30s worrying about ageing and despondent. Accept it, move on and really think about what you’d like to do with your life to make yourself happy.

Great post @Mischance .
"Grab life by the balls right now, this second" is the best advice.

I hope you get some treatment that makes life more comfortable for you.

I find this attitude very annoying. My sister is like this, always feeling sad about what she doesn't have. It's exhausting to listen to.

When you're in your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond you will wonder why you wasted your 30s obsessing over having a babyface instead of focusing on how strong and fit you could make yourself.

You need to get a grip, you most likely have decades ahead of you and with each passing one you should have the benefit of more wisdom and life experience.

Piece of advice from a grandma. There WILL come a day when your health starts to shit on you from a great height and you will feel awaful ... pain, mobility limitations and in my case my heart starting to pack in. All out of the blue all undeserved after a healthy life.
Just do everything you can while you can because I promise it will not last.
And don't think of all the things you will do when you retire ... do them NOW. Retirement for me has so far been a litany of health problems and surgery ... oh and caring for a dying husband.
Grab life by the balls right now, this second ...

Youth is wasted on the young… it wasn’t wasted on me. I bloody loved every minute of being young and youthful. I’m obviously sad it’s gone now, but I’m not envious of young me. I really enjoyed those days. Fucked them up royally, but that’s the point isn't it?

Early 30s was my best time other than college. I'd give almost anything to be 34 again. It all went downhill after 40 for me 😫 I'm now staring 50 in the face and hoping I can have a sort of comeback.

"Why did I ever think I was fat and ugly?" I look back at photos and compared to now I was definitely not fat and ugly. But compared to my peers ar the time I was (and still am). The reference for our looks is the people around us, not a version of ourselves at a different age.

"why did I take life so seriously?"
You're still doing it now.

If you don't change this when you're 68 you'll be looking at pictures of a pictures of a 34 year old you thinking, I was so lovely then, still full of youthful spark yet with the wisdom of 34 years under my belt. I wish I'd learned from past mistakes and freed myself to enjoy all the rest of my days.

'Anything' still is possible. Just think what you could do with the next 34 years so that when you're 68 you look at those photos of the 34 year old you and think, Girl, that's the year you caught fire, that's the year your life REALLY started.

I'm 61. I can't tell you how young 34 sounds to me.

There's a fabulous line in Mary Oliver's The Summer Day
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

But you are doing the same now and when you are 45 you'll look back at pictures from now and think the same.

I bet you'd have hated the pictures at the time because we all fixate on the 'bad' bits no one else sees and with the benefits of time we don't see them either.

I think a lot of this is just your personality. Some people are good at being careful free and worry about it later but if you are not, you can't force it. You can go and have the experiences but your brain is still saying 'should I have spent the money on this, am I enjoying it enough etc'.

Just enjoy what you have now and be proud of your young self. I was similar. Worked multiple jobs, put myself through uni, didn't travel but I now work part-time time around the kids (in a job I wouldn't have without uni) and have a nice work-life balance in my 40s. If I'd been more free and easy, I wouldn't be able to do this now.

I don't mind being older, it suits me better..

It sounds like you are now just as you were in your 20s, still not in the present, still
anxious about the future. Imagine yourself in 10 years from now looking back at a photo of yourself from today. Love yourself more, live a little, see your youth and appreciate who you are.

You've only been an adult for 16 years. God willing you've another 50 or more ahead of you. That's a very long time to spend feeling old and as though the best is behind you, and a pretty miserable way to spend half a century. So, get you head out of the past and focus on making the most of the now. You have no idea what delights the future may hold and you won't be able to say which your best years were until you're on your death bed.

My 90 year old mother always says she wishes she were still in her early 30s. That was the optimum age for her. Many people would not want to be 22 again if it meant going back to the same level of insecurities, naiveté and gormlessness.

Enjoy the youth you already have now. 34 is a brilliant age.

Jesus Christ you’re 34… I read the first part thinking you were in your 50s!! You’re still young!

I’m in my 50s now and feel really quite comfortable with my age but I do remember feeling old in my early 30s - I think it’s s a funny time, you’ve left your 20s behind and now suddenly you’re in your 30s and an adult and it does all seem like the best years are behind you, or that was how I felt. However, it didn’t last and I really enjoyed my mid, late 30s and onwards!

Your doing the same thing now...

When you're 50 you'll look back to 34 and think oh I looked so young , I didn't have any wrinkles or grey hair, I was young and beautiful..

Learn from it ❤️

When we're younger, our feelings are more intense and we can't see the future so we're very focussed on the 'now' and I think that is okay. We come out the other side, normally, more balanced and appreciative of different things in life.

None of us have the benefit of hindsight, as and when we're going through things, but they always say, "Youth is wasted on the young."

You’re 34 and you’re talking like you’re 70. You’re basically talking yourself into being old. If you lament your lost youth, don’t wish away the youth you still have.

I’m 50 and I don’t think of myself as ageing in the way you seem to think of yourself.

Sadly no one young listens to advice from older people trying to ensure they don't make the same mistakes they did, lol. And round and round it goes.

You are going to waste your life if you can’t appreciate the age you’re at now. 34 is young. Some of my prime years were mid 30s, and then another prime early 40s. Now I’m feeling past it as I am heading into my menopause years - but this thread is a reminder to appreciate where I am now as it is so ridiculous to me to worry about being old at 34. I’m sure a 60 year old would look at me and think the same!

I see life as a book, you've read a few chapters but tomorrow is another one, with endless possibilities. At 34, I'd been made redundant 4 times already, Mum had just died, Brother on a self destructive path, but I had an epiphany and cracked on with life. I met DH at 35 and stopped worrying about trivial stuff, said fuck it to idiots, did things that gave me joy and moved forward. You just need to realise that we are our own worst critics. Others rarely notice what bothers us, just focus on the great stuff in your life and box up the shit and throw it in the bin! You've got this, focus on tomorrow and none of us have a guarantee as to what's in our future, but honestly wrinkles and grey hair are just a record of a life lived, so embrace and charge into tomorrow.

Hi OP, I don’t think it’s unusual to feel like this at times - particularly at big birthdays and other life events.

I freaked out a bit when I turned 30, however by the time I got to 40 I had gained more acceptance and a better perspective. I can now look back on my youth in a nostalgic way, but be glad that I’m not there anymore. That’s not to say my life now in my early 40’s is perfect, not at all!! But I’m looking forwards, not backwards.

Maybe try to see this as an opportunity to for you change some things in your life that you are unhappy with.

One thing I would recommend if you don’t already is to get active - find some sort of activity or exercise that you enjoy (or at least one you don’t hate) and try to stick to it consistently over the next few years. It becomes harder as you get older, and I don’t mean you have to become a gym bunny, but just to make the most of your health, and take care of your body the best you can.