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AIBU?

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AIBU to tell MIL to stop criticising DS’s fake tan?

111 replies

Sam155320 · 12/04/2026 18:13

DS had a fake tan today, MIL expressed in an indirect way non stop about how it doesn’t look good. Should we have told her to stop after 3 times of telling her to

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Farawaytreemagic · 13/04/2026 19:54

ExOptimist · 13/04/2026 18:33

If you think I'm a snob I'm very happy to be one.

Not quite sure what your comment about hoping I have no sons is about, I presume you're trying to have a dig in some way.

I have a son aged 34, he is married to a wonderful woman whom I love and she and I have a great relationship. He's been with her since university and in all that time she's never had a fake tan, and has never worn anything that I think looks silly or inappropriate.

What your DIL wears has nothing to do with you I pity her having a stuck up snob for a MIL

Id rather be an accepting tolerant person and not judge people for how they look, it is what is on the inside that counts.

TwilightSkies · 13/04/2026 19:32

Lots of people still saying granny is in the right, and son needs to toughen up.

Ok, how about son tells granny her blue rinse looks crap? Or her twinset and pearls are ugly?

Waiting on the ageist brigade to jump on me 😂😂

Funny how rudeness is ok when it’s coming from an elderly person but GOD FORBID it’s the other way round 🤷🏻‍♀️

ExOptimist · 13/04/2026 18:33

Farawaytreemagic · 13/04/2026 17:47

😂 I pity snobs like you.

It’s actually none of my business what other people choose to wear, and I haven’t passed judgement on whether it looks good or bad. But if they are comfortable and confident then good for them.

and fake tan can look fantastic.

hope you have no sons because your DILs are in for a tough time

If you think I'm a snob I'm very happy to be one.

Not quite sure what your comment about hoping I have no sons is about, I presume you're trying to have a dig in some way.

I have a son aged 34, he is married to a wonderful woman whom I love and she and I have a great relationship. He's been with her since university and in all that time she's never had a fake tan, and has never worn anything that I think looks silly or inappropriate.

Farawaytreemagic · 13/04/2026 17:47

ExOptimist · 13/04/2026 16:51

In the huge majority of cases it does.

And if you think those other choices I cited look good, well I pity you...

😂 I pity snobs like you.

It’s actually none of my business what other people choose to wear, and I haven’t passed judgement on whether it looks good or bad. But if they are comfortable and confident then good for them.

and fake tan can look fantastic.

hope you have no sons because your DILs are in for a tough time

Cleocaterpillar · 13/04/2026 17:36

PollyBell · 13/04/2026 07:55

It all still looks fake

So what? Does that make it bad? Humans have been enhancing their appearance since the stone age.

SweepLovesSoo · 13/04/2026 17:34

MyLimeGuide · 13/04/2026 09:43

Tell her would she rather he got skin cancer instead?

Wine she just say ‘no’. ?

ExOptimist · 13/04/2026 16:51

Farawaytreemagic · 13/04/2026 15:35

Fake tan doesn’t always look ridiculous.

much prefer this than a sunbed tan.

and then you want on a tangent about all of your other prejudices

In the huge majority of cases it does.

And if you think those other choices I cited look good, well I pity you...

Farawaytreemagic · 13/04/2026 15:35

ExOptimist · 13/04/2026 13:52

Much better for family to tell them how silly they look before they go out and all their friends and others take the piss.

The same way that parents should tell young teenage girls that walking around in bra top and shorts so short that their actual buttocks are hanging out is not a good or appropriate look in the middle of town.

Or the same way that family should tell women with fat bums full of cellulite that nude coloured leggings made of thin material, worn with no knickers and a short top is one of the most unflattering looks ever, before they leave the house.

Would save them from public ridicule.

Fake tan doesn’t always look ridiculous.

much prefer this than a sunbed tan.

and then you want on a tangent about all of your other prejudices

LassiKopiano24 · 13/04/2026 14:54

ExOptimist · 13/04/2026 13:52

Much better for family to tell them how silly they look before they go out and all their friends and others take the piss.

The same way that parents should tell young teenage girls that walking around in bra top and shorts so short that their actual buttocks are hanging out is not a good or appropriate look in the middle of town.

Or the same way that family should tell women with fat bums full of cellulite that nude coloured leggings made of thin material, worn with no knickers and a short top is one of the most unflattering looks ever, before they leave the house.

Would save them from public ridicule.

I also think family members and friends should tell a family member when they are rude and judgemental about something so trivial, and maybe if said person doesn’t deem something appropriate or that it looks nice that not everyone else will hold the same view.

Farawaytreemagic · 13/04/2026 14:40

MIL needs to be told to stop going on about it.

So rude

Auroraloves · 13/04/2026 14:21

Screamingabdabz · 13/04/2026 11:11

And you are horribly misogynist and ageist.

Nahhhh, she needs to keep her mouth shut

ExOptimist · 13/04/2026 13:52

YellowHatt · 13/04/2026 13:27

I'm more " you've got to be cruel to be kind" way of thinking.

@ExOptimist in what possible world is it kind to criticise someone’s appearance with the aim of encouraging them to change it to one that you enjoy more?

Your logic is that you’re trying to save them from being ridiculed. When you’re the one that’s ridiculing them!

Much better for family to tell them how silly they look before they go out and all their friends and others take the piss.

The same way that parents should tell young teenage girls that walking around in bra top and shorts so short that their actual buttocks are hanging out is not a good or appropriate look in the middle of town.

Or the same way that family should tell women with fat bums full of cellulite that nude coloured leggings made of thin material, worn with no knickers and a short top is one of the most unflattering looks ever, before they leave the house.

Would save them from public ridicule.

mikado1 · 13/04/2026 13:29

B1anche · 12/04/2026 18:39

I'm getting Ross from Friends vibes!

Seriously OP, i thought you were going to say he was in his early teens! He can fight his own battles.

Edited

Same 😆
Maybe he didn't count mississippily!

YellowHatt · 13/04/2026 13:27

I'm more " you've got to be cruel to be kind" way of thinking.

@ExOptimist in what possible world is it kind to criticise someone’s appearance with the aim of encouraging them to change it to one that you enjoy more?

Your logic is that you’re trying to save them from being ridiculed. When you’re the one that’s ridiculing them!

ExOptimist · 13/04/2026 12:30

ApiratesaysYarrr · 13/04/2026 09:03

What about women with fake tans?

I've selected this comment but realise that quite a few have quoted me and asked the same question.

I actually think women with fake tans look silly too, especially when they're heavy which they often are. Everyone, in my opinion, looks just right with their normal skin tone.

However, and the people who are showing faux outrage are being disingenuous here, there is an undeniable difference between the sexes in the UK when it comes to the use of cosmetics( which fake tan is). It is common and unremarkable for women to wear some make up, although in the case of enormous eyelashes and huge eyebrows those women deserve to be ridiculed too. It is not at all common or usual for men to wear make up and when they do eg on make up counters, they look like drag queens( not a good look).

In the same way it's common for women to dye their hair but unusual for men and if they do it looks silly( think back to the frosted tips of the late nineties). Having a fake tan is unusual for the majority of men and the type of man that would do it is likely to be extremely vain, obsessed by their appearance, probably shaves their armpits and chest hair and thinks that not being able to put your arms by your sides because your upper arms have been so pumped up by steroids is a good look.

When I think of my son and my nephews who are in the age range of early 20s to early 30s, all educated professionals, who all take care of their appearance, not one of them has ever had a fake tan or used a sunbed and wouldn't dream of doing so. If any of them turned up at a family gathering looking orange they'd definitely be teased, as would any of the women there.

People can of course make whatever choices they want but some choices are going to attract comment, not all positive. I don't subscribe to the saying" don't say anything unless it's nice" school. I'm more " you've got to be cruel to be kind" way of thinking.

Createausername1970 · 13/04/2026 12:29

5128gap · 12/04/2026 20:07

I'm hearing
"Ad a fake tan av yer Darlin'? Oo doan it look lovely! Ad a fake tan av yer? Doan e look andsome?
.....welll!! What a fuckin' eyesore! Looks like someone's made up a bath of bisto and e's fell in"

Brilliant. I can hear Nan saying that 😂😂

Dollymylove · 13/04/2026 12:26

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 13/04/2026 09:31

If he can’t take a rinse from his granny I imagine he will struggle when he gets rinsed by his pals.

As a former victim of bad fake tan, I look back at pictures and wish someone had told me straight how bad it looked.

Its no wonder half of today's youngsters are too anxious to get out of bed and get a job. They need to learn to take a bit of ribbing ☺️

Dollymylove · 13/04/2026 11:45

Bogeyes · 13/04/2026 07:57

Why should a man with a fake tan deserve to be ridiculed? Surely you feel the same about women too? Or are you just having a stab at men?

Only the ones who look like they've been tangoed 🤣🤣

YellowHatt · 13/04/2026 11:16

Wtf is wrong with some people on this thread.

I think everyone who said something nasty should have to share a photo of themselves and by picked apart the same way.

Screamingabdabz · 13/04/2026 11:11

Auroraloves · 13/04/2026 08:58

MIL is a rude old goat.

And you are horribly misogynist and ageist.

LassiKopiano24 · 13/04/2026 09:48

ExOptimist · 12/04/2026 18:35

I think any man who has a fake tan deserves to be ridiculed. Surely his friends are going to take the piss anyway. If his grandma's comments annoy him he can tell her himself, doesn't need mummy to do it for him.

So he deserves to be ridiculed because he chooses to wear fake tan? You sound like a delight.

MyLimeGuide · 13/04/2026 09:44

ApiratesaysYarrr · 13/04/2026 09:03

What about women with fake tans?

Im a woman who wears fake tan! Family have definitely taken the piss over the years but it doesn't really bother me, each to their own n all that!

MyLimeGuide · 13/04/2026 09:43

Tell her would she rather he got skin cancer instead?

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 13/04/2026 09:41

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 13/04/2026 09:31

If he can’t take a rinse from his granny I imagine he will struggle when he gets rinsed by his pals.

As a former victim of bad fake tan, I look back at pictures and wish someone had told me straight how bad it looked.

There's a difference between "taking a rinse from granny" and being told once and constantly wanging on about it though which it sounds like here.
The latter tips over into bullying.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 13/04/2026 09:31

If he can’t take a rinse from his granny I imagine he will struggle when he gets rinsed by his pals.

As a former victim of bad fake tan, I look back at pictures and wish someone had told me straight how bad it looked.