How stressful is it being an executor of a will?

My husband wouldn’t do it again, he did it as a last act of love for my mum, but it was a lot and tough for him as he was also grieving. He had laser focus and had it done in record time but it was a burden he didn’t need.

I would only do it if I was good at paperwork and not emotionally entangled.

You can renain anexecutor but instruct a solicitor. They do all the admin you just sign documents and give them instrucgions e.g they get an offer for the house you drcide if to accept it. The costs of the solicitor come out of the estate. They normally charge a percentage. You will need to tell them what bank accounts and other assets and bills the deceased had.

My partner has no involvement with his sister due to issues that arose when he was executor of their mother's will. We also had a lot of difficulties with his other sister and in particular her partner who thought it was taking too long🙄. I would not recommend at all. Pay a solicitor and give someone else the hassle and earache.

Unless you’re the only executor, I would renounce. I am one of three named executors and (in my case) it is almost impossible to reach agreement and make decisions as all have to agree.

I would agree with some of the comments above which say it depends on how complicated the estate is. I have been joint executor twice, in both cases neither had a house or enough money to involve the paying of inheritance tax so were fairly simple. Also, unlike in the OP's case, no-one was arguing over anything. If I was in a position of being expected to deal with a more complex estate I would unhesitatingly employ a solicitor to do the work on my behalf.

Have you already read the will? If yes then you should have some idea how complicated it will be to execute the deceased's wishes.

A will with lots of individual bequests and potential for challenge over a large estate above IHT threshold would be much more time consuming than division of a small estate equally between all beneficiaries. Taking on the executor role depends a lot on the estate and will itself. I executed my DFs and will do the same for my DM in due course as its a simple will and no liklihood of challenge by any beneficiary.

They could contest the will. They could be on the phone to you endlessly wanting information and updates. They could whine to you that their share wasn't fair.

You can make a decision as the executor to pass it all into the hands of a solicitor. They'd take a fee in the thousands from the estate to do the work. You could choose to do this at any point down the line. If they become difficult, you can step away then.

I would think it depends on your relationship with the DC, and how you would feel if they became difficult.
Could you tell them to stop contacting you until you had an update for everyone? Would you feel OK blocking them or muting them temporarily? Do they listen to you? Respect you? Is the will an even split between them, or would someone think the split was unfair or controversial?

I wouldn’t go anywhere near that situation.

I believe if the beneficiaries think you have disadvantaged them financially they can come after your personal assets and it sounds like they could well gang up against you.

My DH is still sorting out probate issues after his father died in 2003, clawback clauses on farmland so unlikely to affect a normal probate situation but still I wouldn’t have expected so many issues over the years.

I've done it twice. Once for my father, which was fairly simple as he just left everything to my mum. I did have to sort out all his pensions, life insurances etc. Then I did it for my mum, which was more complicated as she had made various monetary gifts over a few years and I had to sort out all the inheritance tax, which wasn't much fun. You have to pay any tax due before paying anything out to the beneficiaries, and it can take several months before probate is granted and you can't pay anything out before then either, or sell any property. It can be difficult if beneficiaries don't understand that and are badgering you for their share. Then there are all the bills to pay - notifying all the utility companies etc. And, as with my dad, the pensions, life insurances etc.

I have 2 sisters but for some reason both my parents thought I would be able to manage things more easily than them. I was ill anyway at the time my mum died and it was all extremely difficult for me - I would say it nearly broke me - but I was ill and suffering extreme grief. If you are not as close to your family member and an organised and sensible person who is capable of looking up all the legal requirements you should be able to manage it. However it does depend on how much hassle you get from the beneficiaries. My mum had a good clear will, and had also written down who was to get what from her personal effects in a separate list, so there were very few disagreements and nothing serious. When my late ex FIL died, however, there were HUGE ructions about who got his car - he didn't have much else to leave - and it has caused long lasting divisions in the family. It was all nothing to do with me, thank goodness!

If you decide to step down you can appoint a solicitor to do it... but that will have a cost.