How stressful is it being an executor of a will?

It depends on how simple/complicated the estate of the deceased is. If they had property or substantial savings (which are likely to be spread across several accounts), it can be quite an undertaking. Especially if you aren’t going to benefit financially yourself.

I had originally put my brother as one of my executors but having seen how stressful he found sorting out our parents wills, we have replaced him with our solicitor.

I was my nan's executor for the same reason. Even though she had very little they (her children) still argued, bickered, and accused me of fiddling. Spreadsheets and screenshots are your friends. I took screenshots of all statements, balances and letters from banks - savings, current account, insurance, funeral bills, other bills/debts. Then I compiled a spreadsheet with all monies in and out and sent copies to everyone along with the letters/screenshots. Fortunately, she was poor so there was no inheritance tax or overly complicated things to worry about.
One cousin still doesn't speak to me because I wouldn't give her any money. Why would I when she wasn't named in the will? Overall I was pleased to be able to do it and have a thick enough skin to deal with my wanky cousins (which is why I think my nan asked me 😂)

Run a mile unless you're also a beneficiary of the will; executorship is time-consuming, often stressful, and carries legal responsibilities which shouldn't be taken lightly. Your co-executor is right to have renounced. If the DC can't be trusted to play nicely, their inheritance will be reduced by the solicitors' fees.

It's beyond me why anyone appoints executors in the expectation the role will be undertaken as a labour of love (although I appreciate some will be willing to act on that basis and might have volunteered their services, possibly without knowledge of what it entails).

My sibling and I did my mother’s. It was straightforward since we were joint beneficiaries and our main aim was to get everything sorted out as fast as possible. We had advice from someone who’d been through the process before. A lot will depend on the will and how complicated it is.

DH and I are currently executors for my MIL's estate.

We have handed it over to a solicitor to deal with and we just need to sign things occasionally. This will hopefully mean the other beneficiary (second son) won't judge us by his own money grabbing standards and accuse of us of anything.

Yes, it will reduce the estate by £5K in costs but I really don't care about that.

As a previous person mentioned, if you are not personally benefitting and therefore want to do it in the least stress free way possible, appoint a solicitor to act on your behalf.

If I were the siblings, I would be mortified someone else had been appointed outside of us. You would be well within your rights to remind them of that opinion frequently. Also inform them even simple wills normally take 6 months as a minimum before anything is divided.

I was an executor recently. It was a lot of work and a lot of responsibility but there isn’t lots of helpful information to guide you though the process.

Placemarking

It's a massive hassle even before any arguments about it.

It depends how much spare time you have amd how much you enjoy admin and bureaucracy. You have to go through a determined set of steps, correctly, so that you aren't personally liable for future claims. Thats enough to put anyone off, because you might end up getting sued by disgruntled relatives. Even if they are vexatious claims, its still time, effort amd hassle you could do without.

I'm a qualified accountant, and have worked in contracts, legal and governance my whole life. I still found it time consuming doing the forensic on the finances and getting the right legal advice for mum when it was dad's will. Thankfully I was only the reserve executor and mum did the official legal bit with a (paid) lawyer doing the actual filing.

It's a thankless task that I recommend you avoid.

From my experience beneficiaries see the assets and mentally start spending it in their minds. The idea of using an individual as an executor rather than handing the whole thing over to a firm of solicitors is to save costs (anything other than a simple estate with no disputes will cost around £10k in legal fees).

However rather than thanking you for your free service, expect the beneficiaries to be blaming you for the slow pace of resolution, aggressively challenging you on estate valuation (everyone sees the assets and nobody sees the debts) and possibly accusations of you personally defrauding the estate when they get really pissed off.

I would explain to them that you too will be declining the role of executor because of their behaviour and they can hand the whole thing over to the solicitors that will charge them for the privilege.

I've done it twice. First time was when my dad died but it was very simple and everything was left to my mum. She provided all the financial info and I completed the forms myself. His estate was the simplest ever.

Second time was for DH two years ago. Although it was another simple and straightforward will, I just didn't feel emotionally up to it so I got Coop Legal Services to do it. They charge a fixed fee instead of a percentage of the estate value. The most difficult bit was providing them with all the financial info. Once they submitted the forms probate was granted within two weeks.

I think I'd be more hesitant in your scenario. Whether you do it yourself, or get a legal firm to do it, you still need to provide details of bank accounts, savings, pensions, investments etc for the forms. You'll have to send a copy of the death certificate to the organisations that hold the money of the deceased and ask them for confirmation of the value of the money held at the date of death and the amount of income received during the last tax year up to the date of death. You'll also have to ask them to freeze the bank accounts so no one can take money out without the correct legal authority.

You may also have to contact other organisations - insurance companies, council tax offices, utility companies etc to inform them of the death and get accounts cancelled, although possibly NOK may be able to do this, I'm not certain.

I don't see why you'd want to get involved in this mess.

Hopefully you've clocked from the previous posts that people very much can find something to argue about when it comes to wills. Which leaves us with feelings of duty. Your relative's wishes already aren't going to be followed, as the other executor has pulled out. So that's a fait accompli. They chose multiple people for a reason, do you think they'd even want you carrying on alone and weathering what they knew were complete pain in the arse beneficiaries when they tried to prevent that happening in the first place?

If you aren't going to benefit from the will then you'd be mad to take on the hassle.

If you are going to benefit, someone will sling mud.

Expect someone to be on the phone morning noon and night begging for money before anything is settled because they're... in debt, lost their job, can't make a payment, need to fix their broken car... and you'll be the bastard gatekeeping "their money" because you "love the power".

The deceased didn't trust them. The other executor obviously has concerns. Take heed. There is nothing goof in this for you. Noone will thank you and the absolute best you can hope for is a neutral result. Madness to put yourself through it.

It's a time-consuming and onerous task OP.

I was executor for my DDad, who dies without a will but with most of his paperwork in order. I engaged a solicitor to help with probate and inheritance tax, and took the fees from the estate, but also did a lot myself.

A lot of the work was ringing his bank, ringing the tax office, sending off the death certificate to various places, paying up unpaid bills, and as he was semi-retired and had worked in the previous years, I had to do 2 tax returns. I got an accountant to do that. I also had to get a copy divorce certificate, sort out pensions - there were a lot of read headachy things to deal with.

I also had to clear and sell his house, which is stressful enough, but worse when you're grieving. Luckily none of us siblings squabbled about anything - that part of it was easy. I think I would gone over the edge if they had.

Think carefully OP - if it's not "a labour of love" for your beloved relative & other beneficiaries, I really wouldn't do it.

Very stressful and responsible

Don’t do it, is my advice

I personally wouldn't do it if the will/estate is complex and the beneficiaries are argumentative. Why would you take on a lot of misery and stress for nothing? They will not be grateful to you for taking on the job, there's no benefit to you.

My DH was executor for both his parents' wills, but they were straightforward (FIL left all to DH, MIL left all to DH bar a legacy to DS) although there were properties to be sold. DH had support from friends and family but it was still a bit stressful in the wake of his parents' deaths (they died a few months apart). Your situation sounds very different and I do think you will regret agreeing to take it on, although you can get someone else to do it instead of you during the process if it gets too much it probably will.

For us it was stuff like how to manage the estate account, and collect assets, how much to sell property for, and who to, what solicitor to use, what surveyer / valuer to use, how to categorise and allocate non-financial but sentimental assets, house clearance, reviewing and approving estate accounts, the list was endless and we had what we thought was a atraightforward will. Even if you hire a solicitor you still have to make joint decisions if there’s more than one of you. I’d only do it again if I was sole executor.

depends on if the dead person was organised and had everything organised

my late parents had a “death box”
everything from banks statment s insurance policy’s where the will was kept
funeral / life insurance policy’s
NI numbers marriage certicates were in the box

so it was easy

I did my mums for my dad so it was easy

When my dad passed away I used a company called Farewill to do the probate as there was a trust cost about 700 inc vat

they kept me updated every week by emails
took about 7 weeks to get probate

I would recommended them if you need a company to do it rather than a solicitor

you still have to send them all the stuff but you know it’s all being done correctly

But my son was the beneficiary of the estate
house / cash life insurance so it was fairly easy to deal with anyway

I basically did it for my father in law. I wasn’t officially executor as mother in law was but I did all the work and it was fine. We didn’t have the house to sell though. The only part we never got sorted was the land registry to update my DH and SIL bring part owners now.

My brother and I were executors for my late mother's will and we put the admin in the hands of a probate solicitor. They did 95% of the work and we just had some decisions to make. Money very well spent and no problems.

On the flip side, several friends of mine have been executors for relatives' wills. They did all the probate / admin themselves and it was an absolute nightmare in each case. Months of work and stress and none of them were the beneficiaries so didn't even reap the rewards at the end!

I would say if the family are willing to pay a probate solicitor to do the work, being the executor shouldn't be too difficult. If not, absolutely renounce. Why would you take on that kind of aggro!

I'm the executor of my parents will although I didn't want to and resisted for ages. I don't want the hassle. Their financial arrangements are complicated and potentially troublesome. However someone told me that it can be passed to a solicitor which is what I'm going to do. Perhaps that's an option OP?

The forms are straightforward. If there is property to sell the stress is weighty and difficult and frankly almost broke me.

You also need to get items valued like rings or watches. Then if anyone named in will wants an item you deduct the value from their share. If more than one person wants an item draw names out of a hat in front of them so they can't complain.

OP I was an executor for my Mum. I bought software that guided me through the process step by step. It also included template letters for utility companies, premium bonds, bank manager, pension and life insurance companies and lots of others I didn't even need. It sped the process up. I'd advise you to get 4 death certificate. Be aware that some companies just don't return it very quickly. So it's easier if you have several then you can just speed on with it without being held up. I know a friend who paid the solicitors to do it and it cost many thousands of pounds.

It depends entirely how complex the will is, and what the estate comprises. If there's a house to be sold, it immediately gets way more complex.

All three of my mum's executors renounced, and I ended up holding the baby. Unfortunately she left deferred care debt and a buy to let rental properly. Two years after her death, and things are still not resolved. I've had solicitors dealing with much of it, but it's still been a nightmare, as they still needed me to find the ask the information and documents they needed. And I've still been the one having to serve notice on the tenants, get the property fit to sell, and get it on the market.

I would never agree to be an executor after this experience.

If there's no property to sell, her money is in straightforward savings accounts, and it's just a case of applying for probate, you can hand it over to the solicitors and it could be over in six months. But I honestly don't know why anyone agrees to be an executor.

Depends on the Estate but from what you have said I would let a Solicitor's sort it all out

I was coexecutor of my Mums with a Will - very straightforward

I was coexecutor for a relatives will where everything was going to 4 different charities - it was a nightmare - we appointed a Solicitor but the Charities were very demanding and aggressive in contacting me and arguing about costs and property insurance premium and sale price. Bear in mind I spent a lot of hours sorting stuff out which I did not get paid for but everytine the Charities argued something the Solicitors costs racked up