How stressful is it being an executor of a will?

My mum died 4 weeks ago and am joint with my brother. Although he doesn’t live in the uk and hasn’t got a clue so he’s reserving his rights.
If I wasn’t getting half a house at the end I wouldn’t do it. So..much…admin and calls etc! So much yo
learn in such a small space of time. Death is expensive and someone has to pay and they freeze the bank accounts, but can pay for the funeral if the bill is correct. Etc etc!

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g - personally, I found it all difficult and stressful partly because I am not a lawyer and also I hate admin, but mostly because when I was sole executor of my mother’s will, I was living on a different continent, which was what decided me to appoint a solicitor to do the work on my behalf in England (there were a lot of stocks and shares floating about, and I had no idea how to find them or what to do about them). Even then, and this was before COVID, it took a year to get everything over and done with.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0git wasn’t the paperwork that was difficult or stressful. It was having the responsibility of the house while trying to sell it. Especially being at a distance, the worry about maintenance, bills and security. The cost of getting there to make sure all is well, the time dealing with the estate agent and solicitors.
I had to tell the estate agent to stop giving me feedback on the house because there was nothing I could do.
All the questions from the buyers that I just couldn’t answer.
It took over a year for the sale to go through, it cost me thousands(no other money in the estate to cover it) and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Dealing with my mum's estate, unwillingly, has really opened my eyes to the many many pitfalls that people can fall into. I'm sure OP 's friend didn't consider that OP would be able to override any wishes of her children to collect and keep sentimental items or their own property that might remain in there family home.

I was only stuck with my mum's complex estate and debts because of one of those pitfalls that no-one tells you about. In trying to be proactive, I contacted her bank, so unwittingly intermeddled, and couldn't walk away. Which is what the solicitors I consulted would otherwise have recommended.

Generally we only end up doing it when there are no family members, if everything has been left to charity we have to get anything the family want to keep valued and ask the charities if they can keep it.

It would be cruel if a non-family executor did not to allow the deceased's children the chance to recover any of their own stuff in the house, and sentimental items, before a house is cleared.

I ended up having to deal with all my mum's stuff, after the executors all renounced. My brother and I went through it and gathered up the few things precious to us (my dad's paintings - he was an artist), my grandma's handwritten recipe book, photos and a few other things) then charity shopped or skipped the rest. Had someone else acting as executor just got the house cleared of those things, I'd have been devastated.

As far as probate was concerned, on that section I simply said there was nothing of any value, and that everything had been sent to charity shops or tipped. That was accepted with no problems.

As solicitors we can employ clearance firms to do it, they sell what they can at auction an knock it off their bill.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g I'm a joint executor at the moment, and it is fairly straightforward and unstressful, though some things are time-consuming (and don't get me started on NatWest and only being able to do things via app!) But, there is no IHT and there is no house to clear and sell, which I would think is the worst part.

A quick question - if you are the executor but not a beneficiary (or if a solicitor is the executor), who clears and sells the house? A solicitor wouldn't do that, would they? And it seems inappropriate for a friend to be burdened with that just because they are executor? So would it be family? (Unless there are no living relatives, I guess.)

This is to say, quite stressful, even if all parties are working together and happy with the contents of the will. Just the basic admin itself is burdensome and stressful, particularly if the executor is grieving and having to carry on with family life and work at the same time.

It's so interesting to me reading different viewpoints about being an executor and sorting things out for parents. Obviously if someone dies a long time before anyone was expecting it, or in particularly traumatic circumstances, or the deceased had an exceptionally strong bond with the person left behind, the grief and shock will be enormous, and that will affect the executor's ability to get on with the job. But when it's a death at the end of a very long life, possibly after a period of illness/frailty/lost capacity, the grief is likely to be tempered with relief.

Several people on this thread have talked about the work involved in being an executor as extremely tough and stressful. This makes me wonder whether they have little experience of dealing with this kind of thing from work or from their own lives. Obviously it's a lot harder if the deceased was disorganised or had very complicated finances, but in most cases where the estate comprises a house, its contents, some money at the bank and not much else, plus a few debts to be settled, sorting everything out should be easy, if the paperwork or online records are in order. However, I know not everybody finds this stuff straightforward. For some people, I suppose the very thought of having to fill in a form makes them extremely anxious.

I'd employ a probate solicitor, speaking from experience. If the estate is large enough to require a lot of input from an executor, then it can handle rhe cost of outsourcing to a third party who knows what they're doing. Unless the executor is legally trained.
ETA: This is to say, quite stressful, even if all parties are working together and happy with the contents of the will. Just the basic admin itself is burdensome and stressful, particularly if the executor is grieving and having to carry on with family life and work at the same time.

On insurance, I was referring to the requirement on the executor to make sure any property is insured whilst the executor is in place.

Yes technically you are right that these costs can be recovered from the estate but that may take some time creating a cash flow problem. Plus there is rarely any compensation for the massive amount of time being an executor takes up.

Have you seen the will yet? If it is really plain what the deceased wanted to do with their estate then I would say do it yourself. Your solicitor friend who advised you not to, are you sure she wasn't touting for the business herself?

We are actually involved with this at the moment as DH and his brother are joint executors for FIL who died recently. In practice DH is doing most as he is retired so has more time.

I suppose it could be complicated if you don't know where all the assets are. Fortunately FIL kept all his paperwork in order and where everything is invested or saved. Of course you need to apply for probate but with the information to hand that was reasonably straightforward. People said it could take months to get it granted but to our astonishment they turned it round in about a fortnight.

Once you have realised all the assets then, if it is clear from the will what was intended, I don't see the problem. If their DC are unhappy about it then surely their beef is with their late parent not you? You are just carrying out their wishes.

The relative thought there would be conflict so they left it to you and another person to sort. The other person renounced so it's all on you.

I'm not in your country but dealing with my husband's estate, despite being married, was pretty time consuming and draining. There is no way I would do it for anyone else other that parents or kids.

Especially given that this sounds like it's going to be high conflict. No way would I put myself in the middle of bickering relatives' finances.

You have to open an estate account, get all paperwork together, find all accounts, get all bills together and deal with creditors if any, deal with pension and insurance payout, it is a ton of paperwork. And if there's property that might need to be cleared and sold. You'll be out significant time and money.

People are so strange. In any other circumstances if you told someone you'd volunteered them to do some work for which they wouldn't be paid, could be sued and where the amount of the time and effort involved couldn't even be quantified in advance, you'd expect a pretty short and direct answer.

My husband was executor for both his parents and we found it pretty straightforward to sort things out. Technically my Mum was my Dad's executor but in practice I did everything. My brother and I will be her executors. I am expecting to do most of the work, which is fine, because I like doing that kind of thing and he doesn't, and I have a lot more time than he does (he's still working, I'm not). We get on well and it's a simple will so I'm not expecting any difficulties.

In the OP's circumstances I would be saying no. She is not a beneficiary, so it sounds like an enormous amount of work and possible unpleasantness for no return at all. The beneficiaries will need to get a solicitor or other professional to do it and resign themselves to losing several thousand from the estate because of their inability to get on with each other and behave like sensible adults.

I've done it because I was one of the beneficiaries.

The other beneficiaries did other tasks - cleared the property, arranged the funeral so everyone did something.

I would not do it otherwise. Immense hassle, personal financial risk for what - people resenting you and potentially falling out with family.

If there is enough in the deceased accounts(s) banks will pay essential funeral costs and also IHT. There's actually not a lot they will pay, including house insurance, utility bills, and house clearance costs if needed.

Much depends on the size of the estate and whether it includes a property.

Also, it's worth checking the level at which the relevant banks etc are willing to release funds without probate on production of a death certificate and identification, e.g, with Nationwide it's up to £50k and Lloyds up to £25k.

That’s very difficult for your DH then. Just wanted to make others aware of the possibility as it’s hard enough being an executor as it is.

Thank you. Unfortunately in our case there's very little in the bank, just some in a pension and the value of the house and chattels (not yet sold).

If there’s money in bank/savings accounts many institutions will direct pay IHT or meet estate expenses before probate is granted eg NatWest here:
www.natwest.com/life-moments/bereavement.html#faqs

I did my Dad's and it nearly went to Court Order with my step family - so it wasn't without trouble. But it was fine.
I'd do it - but then I like organising things. Being sole Executor is best but have a solicitor work with you to submit all the forms and intercede if there's a dispute (this reduces costs considerably). No one has to see the Will (though it is best if you inform all beneficiaries that they are named). Do place the Gazette to ensure there are no further claims on money (the solicitor can do this for you). Create an Executor's Account at Natwest to collate and disburse money (I suggest NatWest as they are the only one that allow you to collate money before Probate is granted). Record every expense you incur so you can pay yourself money due when Probate granted. Probate is being granted quite quickly at the mo so your main hold up will be collating all the information to apply for it/tax return.

It really depends on the complexity of the estate.

I’ve done it twice.

Once was a rented house, limited funds in the bank, and relatively little to sort as they knew they were dying and had even cleared out their house and listed exactly who was to get what. No IHT, no pensions (all cashed in on terminal diagnosis) and no family arguments.

Second was a totally different story and I’d have renounced at the start had I realised how complicated it was going to be. Well over the IHT threshold. Complicated paperwork trail - to the point of discovering joint bank accounts still in use from when his wife died 12 years previously. Nothing sorted properly from his late wife’s estate. 13 bank accounts, 8 pensions, to this day I’m not 100% convinced that we found everything despite hiring a specialist in the end as it got too complicated. Add into that the fact his two sons hate each other, he verbally promised them both different things to what he stated in his will and it was a bloody nightmare.

The executor expenses get paid by the estate yes (if there is money in it) but usually not until probate which can be months later. My husband has coughed up almost 10k as executor expenses so far and probably won't get those back for another 6 months and there will probably be more in the meantime including paying IHT which is required before probate. So it's made a massive dent in our finances for now.

So you're right that the estate pays eventually but the executor will often have a cash flow issue in the meantime.

I'm not sure what you mean by "insurance etc", but all executor expenses should be claimed back from the estate.

What really annoyed me was being personally significantly out of pocket (insurance etc) and giving up an incredible amount of time on a complex estate and then for the beneficiaries to accuse me of taking too long and fiddling the estate. They even went as far as early legal action against me which was quickly dismissed with evidence, but it did rack up further legal costs which simply further reduced the value of the estate to the detriment of the beneficiaries.

I would run away from it as fast as you can.

If you aren't a beneficiary then don't even think about it. It's hard work, time consuming, an onerous responsibility and a thankless task. Renounce Renounce Renounce.

I've been named as executor for both my grandparents wills (I was also a beneficiary) - they named their two eldest grandchildren. I remember them telling us and I expressed some reservation as I didn't live locally, worked full time and had small children. They brushed that off and said "oh it will just be signing a few forms". But when the time came (GF died suddenly) there was SO much to do even though there were also solicitors. The whole house had to be cleared and all their paperwork and other effects gone through to identify bank accounts, pensions, utilities, items of value (solicitors don't do that). GM had started to get dementia and couldn't remember much of use. My cousin got really annoyed because I couldn't keep taking days off work to travel down to help. The other beneficiaries kept moaning that it was taking too long and too much was being racked up in legal costs and moaning that we hadn't tried hard enough to get a high enough price for the car, house etc. When GM passed 2 years later she was in a home with only liquid assets and limited chattels so that was much easier.

My husband has done it 3 times for his parents and now his brother. It's so much time and hassle. The other executor has renounced so it's all on him though I've been helping a lot with going through the house and stuff. (I'm also a solicitor though not a probate one, so have been able to do certified copies etc.) It took us nearly half a day to fathom how to get the heating back on so the pipes didn't freeze. 2 days to fully clear his kitchen of old food and rubbish/recycling. The solicitors told him he had a duty to insure the house etc so this is all money out of pocket. He also paid for the funeral and to get the front door replaced (police had to break in after he died). Those sums will get refunded from the estate but probably not for months so he's really out of pocket and will also have to cough up for the IHT before probate is granted. Our house is piled up with potentially valuable effects (rare books and art) which the executor is obliged to get valued and auctioned (if any meaningful value). He is beneficiary to part of the estate but feels irritated that the other 2 beneficiaries are not offering to help with the work (admittedly there is no legal obligation) and just sitting pretty waiting for their cash.

Sorry I'm droning on and on but just trying to convey that you really should not touch with a barge pole!!!

I've had a couple of friends tell me (not ask) that they've done a will and appointed me as executor. I think they reckon as I'm a solicitor I'll do the legal work for free and save their darling kids some cash. So cheeky! I've said quite bluntly that I will probably need to renounce as I dont think that is workable. One of them was quite huffy and said she had thought I would be flattered!