Me or the drugs?!!

Wait is this thread real? You’re going to ruin your own life because your otherwise loving, wonderful husband does molly three times a year? Am I understanding that correctly? Sweet Jesus, I hope this isn’t real.

They would know because a death that is sudden or at a young age would probably trigger them asking for a screening for intoxicants or a full autopsy, which is why I was asking if it was the kind of habitual drug use that would show up on an autopsy. I imagine anyone who dies at a large festival probably has to have an autopsy or at least a tox screen before insurance pays out? But I don’t know. When you mentioned this might invalidate your insurance, I thought you meant he was doing it every weekend when he went to a gig. Three or four times a year????? Could not matter less (UNLESS he dies WHILE doing it). I mean, obviously, I 100% support you, because if this is a red line for you, then it’s a red line. I wouldn’t even get that worked up about it - I mean, there are probably only about 8 sober people in all of Burning Man (besides special sober groups).

I’m very against drugs and I find the whole coke supply chain and what you’re contributing to by buying it so abhorrent that it would be a deal breaker for me, that’s aside from lies.

This.
You'd think this would be the more usual reaction, rather than essentially telling their mother to put up with it. You do not have to do what they say. They are young with limited life experience and want everything to be swept under the carpet so they can pretend it's all gone and don't have to deal with difficult things. But they aren't married to him.

What do you want to do? Because there are only 2 choices - stay with him and accept his behaviour, or leave. 100% the man will not stop the drugs, however much you want him to, because he does not want to.

Are they not be angry at their father too for making you so distraught and ill?

He chose the drugs over you already - several times. It's never going to change unfortunately and if you're honest with yourself you know this deep down.

Oh yes I did see that 🙄

Apparently the adult children think she should stop being angry about it. So, yes.

Did you read the thread?

Also just to add that it worked in my favour that I had absolutely no idea he used drugs and was 100% genuine in my complete shock when the insurance company questioned me.

I voted YABU as you have consistently accepted his life choices for many years now.

My husband died of a drug overdose and the life insurance did eventually pay out. They really tried not to but it came down to whether they could prove he lied when we took out the insurance.

No.

If you are dependent on his life insurance in order for you to be solvent should he die, it will be invalidated if he dies as a direct result of drug abuse. It may even be invalidated if they conclude historical drug use was a factor in his death, due to the fact that he didn’t disclose drug use when applying for the insurance, I assume. You can attempt to get him new insurance where he admits to the drug use, but it may cost 10x as much if he qualifies at all, and he probably won’t (Drug use? Maybe. Drug use and high blood pressure? Ha, yeah right, pull the other one; it’s got bells on it).

1. How many giga does he go to a year?
2. You better check if historical drug use invalidates your insurance but ONLY if he’s been doing it consistently for 24 years. If he does it 3 times a year at gigs, I would worry slightly less.
3. My main concern would be him taking two illegal drugs known to cause high blood pressure when he already has high blood pressure. I don’t know if he’s suicidal or just in denial. But again, going to 2 gigs a year is different to a gig every weekend.

Good luck, OP.

He's a selfish addict and it sounds like he won't quit, so it comes down to if you want to ignore it and live with that, or split with him. You've already given him one ultimatum in life, for the importance of having a family together and he ignored that and cracked on. Another ultimatum is unlikely to have a different outcome. The ultimatum you should give is to yourself is do you want to live with this and the outcomes surronding the fallout when he's older, even more health issues etc, do you want to care for someone who chose the drugs over you and lied about it?

If he dies from a drug OD or similar, no the insurance wont pay out.

its simple....what do YOU want to do?

I wouldn't mock the OP for being naive to the behaviours of drug users.