Me or the drugs?!!

I don’t think this makes much sense tbh, and he won’t take it seriously. Where is he going to live for 3 weeks after a session?

I think as a start you say you want nothing to do with getting him on an even keel, he needs to stay somewhere else for 3 weeks after a festival now, or however long it usually takes. Make it clear you’re still thinking about ending the marriage, and it’s an absolute no to putting up with his post drugs recovery, whether it’s mood or physical health it’s self inflicted and not something you will allow in your house for one more second. I bet you’ve put a lot of support and tolerance into him while he comes down that you haven’t had back. If he argues you say the alternative is that you leave and don’t come back ever, which is still one I’m thinking about. These are your only two options right now, would you like to pack a bag? I won’t put up with your come downs ever again, I won’t support you through them, you’re on your own.

Absolute bollocks. You shouldn't go around spouting rubbish about things you clearly know nothing about.

My husband killed himself and the life insurance paid out in full with no problems whatsoever.

He's an idiot for doing that shit at his age and fitness levels. He's ripe for a heart attack.

Total bullshit. I don't touch drugs now I've got kids but I did allsorts in my youth. Same for a lot of my friends.

I agree with the kids that you need to stop being angry.
you’ve tried achieving that through getting him to change his behaviour…he isn’t willing to so stop banging your head against that particular brick wall. What else will stop you feeling angry?
is it leaving and cutting contact with him?
or staying but getting your affairs in order so that you can manage without him if/when he dies early?
would you be willing to be his carer for several years knowing that he could have avoided needing care?

Personally this man would have me heading for the hills….the single life always looks pretty appealing after an hour on Mumsnet, but only you can work out what’s best.

just stop waiting for him to change…he won’t!

That’s quite an old fashioned view from the days where metal health was poorly understood and suicide was illegal.

it almost always covered now, but with a qualifying period so you can’t take it out after the plan has been made.

Life insurance doesn't pay out for suicide either

There is a list of things in a policy document that make the policy null & void. If you kill yourself, if the nominated person murders you, and quite often if you die of drug or cigarette use whilst having said on the insurance forms you are not a user.

Plenty of people died from self inflicted things. As well as bad lifestyle choices some people
straight out kill themselves

life insurance doesn’t get to pick and chose what death it pays out for, existing conditions accounted for, obviously.

imagine if you paid them every month and after 40 years of paying they refused to pay out because they don’t approve of the way you die!

Because it's self inflicted

You don't have to be addicted to have a heart attack.
I obviously don't know how much he's tooting.

But how much is he taking the drugs? If he's able to do it, say, once every four months, then he's not addicted

Men who carry on in their 50s like they are still in their 20s are deeply pathetic. Give him the boot.

Problem is he's 52 with high blood pressure and MH issues.

If he's doing it at least once a week then that's a problem.

If it's once every few months then if it were me it wouldn't be that big a deal. He's just having fun and is not an addict

Yes, I feel like they should focus on their cokehead father and his decades of lies

you will be ok, you need to have faith in yourself of course it’s frightening

life is rarely how we planned it but vast majority when they have been in situations they find makes them miserable and angry when they move on it’s worked out better

it won’t be what you had planned or what you wanted, that gone now, those plans are from the past but it can certainly be better than what you have now

Oh gosh. Ok, I completely understand now. Yes, I’m sorry. That’s VERY different than someone just going for a weekend and coming home and being a bit “down” and needing an extra coffee on Monday. I’m so sorry; you must feel so incredibly gaslit, and I would be so, so hurt in your shoes. If leaving is what you need to do… well, don’t do it, make him leave. But you get my point. I’m just so, so sorry about the loss of the future you had planned. Please just know, I’ve been through it myself; that enormous betrayal and then the mess of divorce. You are a woman, you are strong enough, and you will get through this and rebuild.

He wants to still pretend he is in his 20’s

either accept he is a twat and will harm himself or leave

he isn’t going to change

Of course it would be hard and scary, there's no denying that. And all your future plans would change. But they'd change too if he died. But in that scenario, yes, you'd be better off. It depends what you want for your future. I would think the peace of mind and freedom from living with an addict who won't change would be worth a financial sacrifice, but you may not.

If you can't face leaving him then you stay. And you can't expect any sympathy for making that choice and you would then have to accept your choice and not tell him how angry you are, and somehow find a way to let go of your own anger, and continue to live with an addict whose health will deteriorate.

Neither choice is easy, but one will give you a much more peaceful and stable life.

As you said he's high BP he's playing russian roulette with his heart taking stimulant drugs,drink and prescribed drugs.
At 52 the party is well and truly over
I was an amphetamine user for 20 years due to the scene I was involved in.quit mid 30s now hitting 60.

OP it’s ok for you to decide this is your red line.

I think it is a huge life decision. You need to think about your ability to raise a mortgage and regain any pension you lose in the divorce. but you don’t have to stay married when you don’t want to

So would I

What do you mean of course not? Why wouldn’t life insurance pay out for a drug induced heart attack? You pay for life insurance, not a moral judgement.