Is it normal for primary schools to expect so many payments?

I don't think it will be a class music lesson as part of the ordinary school curriculum. I've never heard of there being a charge for these in a state or private school. If it's group instrumental lessons then that's quite reasonable.

You are choosing. It's still a choice you are actively making. Stop complaining about your own choices. Plenty of children I know opted out of residentials because it was too expensive.

Children cost a lot of money. Activities cost a lot. Who do you think should pay for your children's extra curricular activities? The tax payer? Nobody pays for my children's music lessons.

You sound somewhat entitled, OP. Stop moaning. Maybe move them to a school that offers a less well rounded experience - no music, Forest school or ice skating - so you save money and they don't feel like they're missing out. Alternatively, make cut backs elsewhere in your life so you can afford to offer your children these opportunities that mean so much to you.

Officially schools are not allowed to raise costs for other parents to supplement those who can't or won't pay. The cost for those on lowest incomes will come out of the pupil premium budget, and generally most other parents do their best to pay, or decline the trip. There is always the message 'this trip may be cancelled if not enough parents pay', but I have never known that happen in practice

Of course it is. You either pay for your child to do it or not. Lots of children stay behind in school when their parents can’t afford for them to do activities or don’t want them to.

Who pays for those children whose parents do not pay? Is it other parents' payments subsidising it or does it come from elsewhere?

Are your children musically gifted OP? If not I would be cutting out the music lessons and telling the school that you cannot afford X, Y and Z.

When I was a child there were very few such activities. The occasional trip to a classical concert in the city where we had a famous orchestra. For the coronation (1953) we were taken to the local cinema to watch the Conquest of Everest. However these were rare treats. Our headmaster was very forward looking and arranged a trip to Paris for those of us who took French. When he learned there was no money for me to go the school offered me a bursury but my father refused it. He regarded it as charity and it was against his pride to accept. I had to tough it up when all my friends returned and talked about their experiences. Its fair to say I never forgave him and ofter threw it back in his face in later life.

The class music lessons are free in that PP's post. Even though they're costing the school significantly more than that.

That sounds insane. it's only 2 years since dd was in Y5 and there was nothing like that. Probably 2-3 trips the whole year, about £20 each. The odd dress up day for £1. They would help with costumes for performances or it was generic things like 'brown t shirt' which could usually be bought secondhand or borrowed. None of these expensive activities that everyone seems to be doing at yours. I guess if the take up is high, the school won't realise it's not welcome? I would certainly like to know the views of other parents and the school. I cann't believe 100% are happy with this set up!

Might be useful to raise this in the WhatsApp group. I had lots of various lists so far. In practice, it turns out, for example, that you don’t need a pair of white indoor shoes and a pair of white outdoor shoes, one pair of any colour works just fine. (Even though the list says - two white pairs). Of course, you need to be a bit brave potentially as you’re exposing a vulnerability (that you can’t easily part with hundreds). I guarantee (from my experience from the South East) that a lot of people share the same concerns!

The only we had to pay for was a residential P7 and a few other leavers things like hoodies

all those other things were provided by school or the PTA including music lessons and trips

If Forest School is off-site, then the school will have been given a kit list by the service provider. It’s not their choice, it’ll be a health and safety requirement . Who do you think should pay for the kit? Are you aware that schools are massively underfunded? Basically schools have a choice - do activities and charge parents, or don’t do activities at all.

I was very involved in the PTA when my kids were at primary school, so I learned quite a lot about school finance. There’s no money basically. As a PTA we arranged load of things and raised large amounts of money, which funded some lovely activities for the kids. Is your PTA very active OP? And if not, could you get involved ?

Different schools will offer different things, and charge in different ways. The ones that appear to offer everything free probably have an active PTA, or a very successful academy trust. Or maybe a lot of kids getting Pupil Premium . Or perhaps their own facilities (eg my kids primary school has a large field, pond etc, and they do their own Forest School).

Yes indeed. Also it might be the case that the music lessons at the other school are supplied by (say) a charity that aims to extend participation in music, and therefore the money could not be spent elsewhere.

But yes, learning to play and enjoy music is a great gift and surely one that would benefit all children.

Btw @ThisRealFawn you mention the music lessons being a large group of 15 children – some seem to have taken this to mean the lessons that you pay £65 a term per child for – I thought you meant the free ones at the other school. If it's the ones your DC access then I agree that's a lot. OTOH if that's £65 a term for a 1-1 lesson (or even a 1-2 lesson) then that's about a fiver a week which is good value.

I voted YABU because you have actively and signed up for music and ice skating lessons as extra curricular activities; so you are, in effect, blaming the school for your own choices.
You should stop them if you don’t wish to pay for them. It’s a simple fix.
I have 4 kids (including a set of twins) and none of my kids had music or ice skating lessons as I couldn’t afford them.
Peer pressure is no reason to do anything in life. Do what is right for you.

It shouldn’t be either/or. Music is important, and can be very beneficial for SEN children too. Why do we now assume we can’t have nice things?

This is correct. So what happens at the school where I work is that if parents don't pay the voluntary contribution the trip is cancelled. Sadly, school budgets do not extend to paying for these events when parents choose not to pay, although we are able to offer some financial help to parents who are in receipt of certain benefits. We are fortunate that we are in a London borough, so many trips to museums etc don't cost anything as public transport is free.
With regards to music lessons, when my dcs were at primary, we paid £65 a term for a half hour 1:1 lesson per week. My dcs are now in their 30's, so I reckon you are getting a bargain.

Music lessons are optional, residential is optional (and that’s cheap), ice skating optional and you can buy cheaper forest school clothes.

music lessons are never free unless very low income or the school has some sort of benefactor.

Sounds like it's not all compulsory.. and I would have thought your kids should have weather appropriate clothing whether they do forest school or not so not really a school expense? 🤔

I would be hopping mad if that was offered at my school! So many other things to use that money on. SEN resources and support staff come to mind.

Charging for music lessons for a class of 15 is outrageous. Schools here (Scotland) only charge for lessons held in small groups (up to 3). Whole class lessons are free.

If the whole class goes ice skating in school time, it's not really optional.

Do you have a parent Whatsapp group? Are these things discussed among parents? Or is everyone happily paying hundreds on Vinted for used stuff just for a couple of months? It does seem extortionate.

Old wellies that have passed safety standards to be sold here are absolutely fine.

Plastic jackets padded with god knows what, no idea what toxic chemicals were used to manufacture them and no safety testing at all, but willing to risk them on your kids because it was only a fiver. Bonkers.