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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to buy the kids' presents myself since MIL isn't giving them?

39 replies

Bearbookagainandagain · 12/04/2026 10:54

Wondering how to tackle this one, as I'm getting frustrated but don't want to upset anyone either.

For background, we were celebrating Christmas with my family this year, so weren't actually going to see MIL on Christmas week.

We were back on 27th Dec though, so if her and my husband had planned anything we could have meet up. It was a bit more complicated this year because my husband was working all through the holidays, with only the bank holidays off. But again there were options if they wanted to.

Except, they didn't. No idea why, I don't think either of them has tried to organise anything. It's a bit typical, I'm the one who usually reminds my husband that we should probably invite his mum to our kids birthdays etc. I don't do more than that because I have enough to deal with with my own family. MIL is retired and could take initiatives but never does, then complains she doesn't see the kids... Husband just keeps forgetting I think (he's not very close to his mum).

Now, the current dilemma: because they haven't sorted anything since November, MIL hasn't actually given the kids (2 and 4) their Christmas presents... I don't really care, it's not about the presents, but when she asked if we had any ideas we told her about specific garden items the kids wanted.
Those items would be perfect now for the spring/summer. We would have bought them ourselves but didn't because they were supposed to get them for Christmas. Now we've had a few good sunny days, and the kids have asked about it again.

So I'm getting annoyed now because I don't really want to be begging for presents from MIL, but I would like to get those items for the kids and don't want to cause drama.

I also don't really want to contact MIL myself to set a date. Her and husband just need to get their shit together, we are available most weekends, it would take minutes to agree a date and place (hers, ours, half way - plenty of options).

As far as I'm aware, she has already bought the items.

So WWYD?
YABU - wait for MIL to finally deliver presents (hopefully before next Xmas)
YANBU - I just buy the items myself, and maybe they'll get duplicates eventually

OP posts:
Cannedlaughter · 12/04/2026 11:09

If they are useless at arranging things as your H is and you’re around most weekends, why don’t you text them and say why not pop over on so and so day and time. It takes two minutes. Some people are just rubbish at that sort of thing.

stichguru · 12/04/2026 11:09

You're all as bad as each other. It's honestly like 3 spoilt brats trying to organise a meet up!

You chose that seeing your family was more important than seeing MIL over Christmas, were too lazy to organise to go and see her another time, and yet some how blame MIL for not having giving the presents.

MIL is also too lazy to ring you and invite you over, which she absolutely could and DH can't be bothered to do anything.

ecuse · 12/04/2026 11:06

Your husband should be dealing with this! And he should just ask them outright: "hi mum, no big deal either way just wanted to check - you mentioned you might have got the kids those gardening things for Xmas? If you did, any chance you could post them on, as we were planning to get them now it's gardening season, - but don't want to spoil your gift if you've already got them"

mondaytosunday · 12/04/2026 11:04

Either you buy the stuff yourself or call her and invite her over (though I wouldn’t be surprised if she arrives empty handed). Your DH is useless and your MIL doesn’t seem to care much so in future if asked about gifts say a voucher or cash contribution to a bigger gift or whatever else that isn’t something you are counting on.

CinnamonBuns67 · 12/04/2026 11:03

Buy the items, it's after easter now if she'd brought them anything for Christmas she'd have made sure they'd have received them by now. If by some chance she has actually brought them, least they'll be a back up to put away incase if anything gets damaged.

Bunnybackinherwarren · 12/04/2026 11:02

So she asks dc what they want and then doesn't bother to make sure they got them? That's awful.
Was she hoping to force your hand and visit her?
Curious about Mother's Day - did dh send a card?

thepariscrimefiles · 12/04/2026 11:00

Is she annoyed because you didn't spend Christmas with her so is deliberately witholding your children's gifts?

Who does she complain to about not seeing your kids? Is it to you or your husband?

RightOnTheEdge · 12/04/2026 11:00

Just buy the stuff.

If you eventually get the ones from MIL sell them and buy the kids something else with the money.

IlovePhilMitchell · 12/04/2026 11:00

Forget about her presents, they might not even exist, buy what you need and if you don’t want duplicates, sell or decline hers if they ever arrive.

Anonycat · 12/04/2026 11:00

Yes, your DH should probably have been the one to contact her. But he hasn’t, so I don’t understand why you can’t just give her a friendly call and invite her over / suggest you all go there. Why is it such a big deal? Seems crazy to me.

sittingonabeach · 12/04/2026 10:59

Your DH needs to get his act together

Octavia64 · 12/04/2026 10:59

Just buy it.

it’s been months since Christmas.

and never give her ideas of what to buy again.

TeaAndTattoos · 12/04/2026 10:59

I would just go out and buy the stuff yourself she is never going to give the stuff to the kids and they are asking about it let her have a strop about it if she ever gets round to handing the presents over.

rubyslippers · 12/04/2026 10:55

Just buy the stuff
xmas was 4 months ago
it’s not important to her or she would have done it