AIBU not to understand parents dreading school holidays with their children?

Definitely, we have a thread on chat for support for sen parents, and its different for everyone - but if someone is complaining that its hard for them as sen parents, its unreasonable to judge them

DH - and my workplace - wanted me to go back full time when they started school, but I dug my heels in and refused.

Your poor DH!

I loved spending time with DS but I was a single mum working full time and was only allowed one week off during the summer holidays due to demand so as there was no school I had to pay hundreds of pounds in childcare and holiday club fees which nearly ruined me. Id spend the whole year paying it off. We didnt have any relatives in this country.
One year he went to stay with my mother in the US paid for by her and it was such a financial relief.

Yes, I have never got this either. I absolutely LOVED the school holidays, and refused to go back to work full time, after going from full time to part time when I had my 2 DC - less than 2 years apart in age. I went from 5 days a week to 2 days one week/3 the next until they were 4-5, (then went to 3 days one week/4 the next.) DH - and my workplace - wanted me to go back full time when they started school, but I dug my heels in and refused.

I even kept them off a few times (rang in sick for them, and myself) when it was a particularly glorious day (weather-wise) and took them to the beach. #sorrynotsorry. We did so much together in the holidays too. Theme parks, zoos, long walks, trips to the park, picnics, trips to nature parks and areas of nature beauty, the cinema, the theatre, the bowling alley, and the beach etc... DH would come too, maybe 1 in 3 times.

I have honestly always been baffled by the 'can't wait for the kids to get back to school' type of parents. It's like they don't like their own children. I also know some mums who work as many hours as they can when the kids are off school. One woman I know stays home during school hours, then goes to work (hourly paid/unskilled job,) when her 2 DC (aged 5 and 7) finish school, and works til 9pm. Sometimes her partner looks after them - depending on his shift, and sometimes the teenage son looks after them. She works almost all the hours her 2 younger DC are off. It's like she HATES spending time with them. When she's at home with them, she just shoves them out onto the front garden to play while she stays in the house, or she shouts and screams at them.

I don't care if it sounds smug or high and mighty, I loved spending time with my children, and LOVED the school holidays, and I'm not going to apologise for it, because others count down the days until they go back to school.

I really miss those days actually......

My DCs would squabble endlessly when they were younger, and had very very different personalities. They enjoyed completely different activities, and neither of them wanted to play on their own. It was exhausting.

This is a grotesque and insulting oversimplification.

I adore spending time with my daughter but I get five weeks leave a year. I simply can't spend every holiday day with her.

Others have answered this already but holidays can be really challenging for many parents. If you're a single parent, you don't have a lot of money and you don't have family childcare it's stressful and expensive finding childcare.

Not always.. my kids all have Sen but holidays are far more easier for us, lots of Sen kids hate school and find it a struggle. My kids are far more happy and relaxed in the holidays theres no tears and tantrums, no school refusal, not threats of fines, no emails, constant phone calls, detentions, meetings.

Oh please , your kids are 5 and 7! Super easy to entertain and manage. Toddlers and younger children it’s so much harder. You sound very smug.

a bit tone deaf maybe this post? You’re not on that persons shoes so maybe don’t judge.

They may not be able to afford food, days out, have to juggle work with no support network and can’t afford holiday clubs. They may feel guilty they aren’t on holiday like other families.

Unsure how you can sit on your high horse and realise everyone else has unique situations in their own lives?

Well youve already caveated that sen parents have it harder, which is what I came here to say x

I think yabu though - people often say that in a bantering jokey way. They dont literally hate their children 😄

Two weeks with kids is hard work, without factoring in hosting over easter, easter eggs causing hyperactivity, everything being super expensive, no break for the sahm whilst their partner works, non stop requests for food and screen time

Its tiring! 😄

Let people have a moan!

Also - as a sen mum, it is tough going as the lack of routine is a killer for the kids. My dd is pretty much nocturnal now 🙃

@Fancycrab this with bells on !! 👆 Like a literal walk in the park at your kids ages omg, so
happy with anything -swimming pool , parks, playgrounds, even beach walks , I’ve-cream etc etc .
It all just goes and no I can’t leave an 11 for hours at home as all the pre-teen and teens I know (even bookish ones) will simply be on screens all the time (my 11 year old doesn’t even have a phone yet but Xbox) at home . I was actually upset the last day at photos of when my three kids were younger , just beaming faces on scooters etc . It’s now a battle to get them out and nothing prepared for how hard that is.

I agree. Used to love the holidays we would go out on walks, to the beach, to museums and parks take packed lunches potter around in the garden and meet up with friends. Now I seem to be finding ways to keep DC off screens.

Dd2 is now 13 none of her friends seem to do anything in the holidays (DD has suggested meeting up) and as they are at high school are scattered around a fair bit so can't just call on each other to hang out. She does have a club Saturday and Sunday am. But otherwise the week is long, I can sometimes persuade her to bake with me or go for a short walk. We do board games occasionally but dd1 doesn't enjoy them and two people can be boring after a while. I can't say I'm particularly looking forward to the summer holidays at the moment, which is a shame. Though I'm certainly not dreading them. Dd1 has a sports club 4x a week which was a blessing for her last summer.

Name changed

I'm a parent who dreads the hoildays especially the summer.

I have 3 dc Ages between 13 and 7.
My son is severely autistic and violent. We can't go anywhere due to this. So no parks or even walks when the weather is nice. I often take him and his brother to the park late at night. So I know it's empty. Or when it's raining badly outside.

We spend most of our days indoors as its too unsafe to take ds 10 outside. I work term time but dh works shifts. When dh is off one of us can take the smaller one out. Dd is older so can go out with her friends. We have no family support.

My days are spend being slapped and punched in the face. cleaning poo off the walls and cleaning the house after my son has trashed it once again. My mood drops I often fantasied about running away or jumping over a bridge. Anything to get released from this life.

When school goes back I start to feel like a human again. I feel like me. I can eat my lunch without someone throwing food in my face or chucking my plate across the room. I can spend a min or two with my own thought's.

So yeah I'm one of they shit parents who hate the hoildays

Ah I see the ages ! Peak easy age 😂😂😂

I love being off but I think it’s because I work in education and find balancing work and 3 dcs with absolutely zero family support very , very exhausting . I think if you dont work it can obviously be harder as you have way more time for yourself can actually get a break so I can see that. Often the parents that are relieved at drop offs after a holiday don’t work (in my experience) and while I’m rushing to work they can go to the gym or sort out their house etc which honestly is a lot easier imho. I know you’re a lone parent but do you have any family support?
I am guessing your kids are at the nice ages 5-11? I found activities/days out a million times easier when mine were younger , pre teen and teens has been a lot more challenging than I thought . They don’t want to do stuff that we enjoyed when they were smaller, there’s so so much more conflict. And I know on mn everyone says just to leave them but they’d be on screens all day and they are sporty dcs !!
You don’t know other people’s circumstances, some dcs are really really difficult at home , as mum of 3 DCs and a teacher is isn’t your amazing parenting that makes your kids easier. My kids loved days out and it was a joy a few years ago , the transformation in recent years has been a huge shock …

Ps: as a child I couldn’t wait to get back to school at the end of the summer and I didn’t even like school!

i found it hard. Always making plans/playdates/out of routine/if working getting them in to clubs (recently my eldest told me she hated the club which made me feel awful - it was the only one locally to me that did full days, was relatively cheap and on my way to work). Also soft play and hanging round a cold playground. It wasn’t all ‘bad’ but I had no family support so all the organising was down to me. I enjoyed actually being in holiday though - dh could help, we often holidayed with friends etc.
In the USA I’m sure kids go to summer camps for most of it, hence ‘Camp America’ etc. so you can’t really hold them up as an example of great parenting either.

I used to cry at the end of every school holiday. Even the half terms. It’s a family joke!

I love my kids but also really struggle when they try and kill each other during the school holidays.

I had a SAHM and in the circumstances you describe I never learnt to manage my time, or be creative. I struggled massively with time management until I was in my 30s, and I am
still not creative.

i don’t even understand your point- in the circumstances you describe I just got into bed with a pile of books. It wasn’t time management or creative

You started a whole thread with a judgemental statement about how mothers who don't look forward to spending the holidays with their children shouldn't have had them?!

I think this is such a lightweight opinion that shows a real lack of diversity in the people you know. You can always tell when people bring out the “pressure from social media” trope when in fact, most people are not active on social media and even those who are mainly don’t follow parents and get pressurised by them.

Some people find it harder than others as their baseline life presents different challenges. If you have a high pressure job, if you have other caring responsibilities, things that make it hard to completely change routine for 6 weeks the change again in September it’s harder than it is for people who have slower/ smaller/ steadier lifestyles.

attitude and emotional regulation plays a huge part too- people have different reactions to overwhelm, which impacts their stress levels.

i honestly think it’s pretty obvious, if you just think about the things people have said on this thread.

IMO its cos some parents put too much pressure on themselves to do everything ‘right’, which I think comes from the fact that ‘parenting’ is a relatively new concept and there’s a lot of societal pressure on parents, especially mothers, to do things ‘right’. There’s also so much judgement of mothers, made a lot worse by social media

I agree there is too much pressure on parents but disagree that if you find the holidays hard you shouldn’t have dc!

My kids are totally different in their personalities and likes and dislikes. One is incredibly sporty and on the go constantly, the other is quiet and artistic and likes to read and draw. Finding ways to keep them both entertained when they were smaller was a fucking nightmare. Having to have a long protracted negotiation to drag one of them out to the park just so the other could have a kick about and tire themselves out on the climbing frame. Then having to manage one DC's boundless energy while stuck in the house so the other DC could finish their painting or baking - with me having to oversee it all. It was a stressful juggle and I can't pretend I looked forward to it. Occasionally we could all get out for a nice walk and it would be fine, but that never happened reliably. It was more likely to end in my having to referee an argument between the two of them.

I'm so glad they're older and can be left alone now. I can go for a swim with the active DC and leave the artistic DC to their reading if they don't fancy coming.

Fair play to you if you have the sort of kids who will play harmoniously together and spend hours making blanket forts in the front room and making cardboard box space rockets. But surely it's not beyond the realms of most peoples' imagination to understand that not every family's personalities mesh so easily.

Trying to keep everyone happy while refereeing squabbles and mitigate constant whining is not my idea of a great time tbh. Shoot me.

I love spending time with my kids but the holidays don't really allow you to do that, it's a holiday for them not you. Parents still have to work, do the housework/shopping/meals etc but with the kids out of school you also need to take time off and do things with them, arrange treats or childcare, it's neverending. If it was just a holiday we all had off together then yes that would be great 🤷‍♀️