To want to work part time?

I think the problem is he’ll feel trapped in his job as he shoulder the majority of the financial responsibility

it’s the same as stay at home parent that start to resent doing everything at home

at one point I was the sole earner I absolutely hated it and like SAHP feel it there just unpaid childcare and cleaner sloe earners feel there just a cash cow

the issue is once resentment kicks in in it’s difficult to get past

A 1 year old and a 3 year old.
just repeating that in case posters think the OP is part time to do yoga and lunch. She is spending time with her very small children, who will be better off for having a couple of days a week with their parent.

What a prince among men your husband sounds.

This marriage was never going to end well.

It doesn't even sound like he likes you or the kids.

I cannot believe you got into credit card debt on mat leave.

I'd end the marriage. He'd have to pay you child maintenance.

How is he carrying her though?
She is paying her way...?

Doesn’t sound like he is though? OP is spending all her income on household stuff and he’s swanning around with a big chunk of 90 grand a year!

Why are you paying for the food shop??

OP specifically says she'd still be doing all of that even if she worked FT.

I agree that communication about these things is how mature couples organise things and be happy, but it does require both parties to be willing.

He's fed up of being the main earner, who drags everyone on his back. Simple.
I wouldn't support another adult for any reason.
Ever.
Having this responsibility is simply dismissed here.
Before you all start with vulgarities, YABU, OP.
Big time.

But she wouldn't have to. They are grown ups so as a couple they need to sit down and plan who does what and when. It's not rocket science. It's how mature couples work/live together happily.

OP, our salaries are almost identical to yours - I work three days a week. My DH pays for everything, all mortgages, bills and half the food shop. The only thing I pay for is half the food shopping.

I’ve suggested going full time but he refuses. He’s due a big promotion next year and would like me to not work at all (I will be!).

My DH can be financially controlling at times - but yours needs to be more supportive, especially with small children.

If you left him you’d probably be better off.

Hubs is our main earner so we have a 70/30 financial contribution split. He works 60 hour weeks in a stressful job and is also a fibro sufferer. I’d say I pick up 70% of the household stuff so overall we both make a 100% contribution to our household.

He has no respect for you, he’s embarrassed and seems to dislike you.

I’d research what your finances would be if you LTB and consider it.

where is his money going? Seriously! Why are you in debt? He is not allowing you to have a single penny or a moments rest from the mental load. Abusive.

This isn't abiut the financial pressure. It's about the fact that OP would still have to do all the childcare and housework.

Opportunity to have a career is only an opportunity if women are released from housework.

He sounds pretty awful honestly. I work 3 days and DH and I pool our money and have never spoken about ratio of financial contribution as being a thing that matters to our family. Our money is our money.

He is happy working five days and is happy for me to remain at three days forever if I want to, even when both kids are at school. If he wanted to drop down hours we would make it work too but he doesn’t.

Eh u have a major husband problem. You wld be financially better off on your own as he wld have to pay you maintenance for the kids.

This is why finances shouldn’t be separate especially when your a family and one works part time to do the bulk of the household chores and look after the children. He earns a massive amount of money. More than most families combined. Why is he being so tough about money and making u pay 2/3 of your wage which is already small. Although u say the rest goes on petrol, food shopping and your car. These are all bills too so essentially you have nothing left. This is financial abuse and isn’t normal. You need to make him see sense, show him this thread with the replies. This would be a huge problem for me and would likely end the marriage.

I work part time, my husband full time and does a lot of extra hours on call etc. Both wages are paid to joint account. Everything is paid out of there and then money is transferred do holidays, Christmas and birthday etc and savings. We both take a small amount each month for personal spends, for me it would be for clothes/make up mainly. It’s just under £100 each we take.

Agree with this but you’ll get shouted down

on here it’s fine for women to want to work part time but the financial pressure of being the main earner is simply dismissed

'I resent when my husband could comfortably afford for me to be part time'. Wow. If I was your husband I'd divorce you instantly for this. You are aware it is 2026 not 1956? In fact, that's not fair to 1956, women probably weren't as lazy and entitled then - they fought to give women (including you) opportunities which you are throwing back in their face. I'm embarrassed to be a woman when I read things like that.

Your husband sounds like a twat too, particularly for the public sector comment. Maybe you deserve each other.

(And yes, I know this is fake/AI/deliberately goady. Why do I bite?!).

He sounds delightful.

Why have you got debt from mat leave? Perhap you might jointly have some but I don’t think that’s what’s happening here is it.

I think going back to work full time is probably a good thing for you. I understand wanting to be at home with the children but, if this marriage ends, you will need to be able to support yourself.

I would take great pleasure in finding a full time role and explaining to the chump of a husband that he now has to pick up 50% of childcare, housework and the mental load.

From what it sounds like, you aren’t a team so returning full time will probably be in your best interest in the future.

Sorry I’ve just read the bit about money and now my blood is really boiling! WTF!!!!!
Money needs to be pro rata’d! At the moment it sounds like he wants the whole feckin cake shop and eating it!!

If He would be expecting you to work full time as well as all the housework, childcare etc he’s a dick!!! He can’t have his cake and eat it!! And his comment about the public sector makes him even more of a dick!!!! Stay part time as long as possible!!

Why is the family food shop coming out of your wages and not the household bills pot?

Sounds like financial abuse. You should not be paying 50;50 for everything, what is wrong with this man, his income is not just for him it's for his family.

Why do women marry these low lifes and then not have only one but multiple kids with them??

Get a better job so you can leave. He doesn’t help so you might as well be on your own.

OP the main threat to you working part time right now is the fact this marriage is inevitably doomed, you can face it now or draw it out over years of unhappiness. I’d be getting yourself financially prepared to be a single parent.