To want to work part time?

Your husband is coercive idiot.
I would like to know what he is doing with his left over money every month when you're having to spend practically every penny of yours.
Also what's his problem with working in the public sector? The pension is generous and your job is likely to be more secure than a private sector job in the current climate.
He needs to give his head a wobble .

I agree

Tell him he can start to demonstrate how this could work by taking on 50% of domestic labour first.

i am quite concerned the sudden push is him making a plan to leave you and not wanting to be stiffed in the divorce due to you being a low earner and the children’s main carer if you worked full time and they were in childcare it’d be easier for him to argue for 5050

Think maybe my point is a bit oblique. The point is, he's currently not doing any of the home stuff. If OP went full time, I'd wager he would expect the same level of 'service' at home. Seems he's so fixated on his own personal wealth, the only way to get through to him would be to spell it out in financial terms.

This is a bit of a reach. She's doing things that need doing regardless. You don't get paid to watch your own kids and cook and clean in your own house. "Paying your own way" implies self-sufficiency, and you couldn't be financially self-sufficient on 17k a year pre-tax nowadays as far as I know.

Why can't he.... from the OPs post he definitely isn't contributing his entire salary to the house? She contributes to household bills, pays for 100% of groceries and also pays her own car costs.

The OPs earning potential if full time would likely be significantly outbalanced by the cost of childcare for a 1 and 3 year old... however she has stated that her PT position is temporary until the kids are in school.

Pull the other one @eastersundaes, it’s got bells on it. The op has very clearly described a man who leaves all the parenting to her, and considers all unpaid work, women’s work. There is no way on earth a man like this would willingly look after his own children unpaid.

Maybe your husband would like more time with your children before they start school but he can’t because he can hardly drop to part time as well can he?

he has a point that supporting the family financially is tiring not to mention stressful but clearly you don’t value his contribution in that respect just like he doesn’t value yours?

it’s not your husbands job to “comfortably afford for you to be part time” - if it’s not a decision you both agree on then you shouldn’t be doing it - have to be honest and say I’d resent my other half for refusing to contribute financially to the max of their earning potential too ….

not withstanding all the above - if you do go back full time then household jobs should also be more equal and your husband should do more to allow you to work more

Agree. It’s really frustrating.

I mean what an absolute arse of a “husband “ Being embarrassed because you work a public sector job! Millions of people work in the PS. Leave him, take half and set up on your own.

I think you’re asking the wrong question.

youve described a man who doesn’t see you as an equal partner, financially abuses you, (because on a household income of £107k you should not be living pay cheque to pay cheque), doesn’t parent, doesn’t contribute his share of housework (smaller than yours but should be enough to not be treating you like his servant), is horrible to you, dismissive of you.

why isn’t your question - how do I leave this man?

You need a calm adult conversation on both money and household tasks. Be open to full time work but on the condition that he will need to pick up 50% of all household tasks including sick days, pick ups etc plus you may need to buy in more help.

I had similar conversations but then later after we split an apology because he didn’t realise what I did to make his life so easy (beyond work) not to mention helped him with work things too

Ok, change the description to idle in the household. That better for you?

Did you notice the sentence where the OP stated that if she went back to work f/t she'd still he expected to do all the housework?

You think that's ok just because he earns £90k?

Well-paid part time work is only normally possible if you go part time as a professional eg. accountant, solicitor, doctor.
Your husband can't be too bright if he's embarrassed by you being a CS. It's great for families - great pension, almost impossible to be sacked, can totally take the piss with health etc problems.
Do point out that you'd need to share children duties and domestic duties if you were working full time - for instance, if the child is ill, can he take 2 days off?

What was the conversation when you decided to work part time? Was his career prioritised? I can understand him not wanting to carry the financial burden but if you are to step up financially, he needs to step up in other ways.

Hate these threads where the OP doesn’t actually engage with it after their initial post. What is the point of everyone sharing their advice and experience if the OP can’t be arsed to reply 🤷🏻‍♀️

this. My late husband was massively proud that I worked in the NHS and what I achieved. Are the kids you care for not his? and as @sunshine244 says, exactly what does this prince among men bring to the party?

I would work out the childcare cost difference and tell him he would have to pay that. He might back pedal when he finds out it’s quite expensive as the 30 free hours are more like 22 hours stretched. It’s the cost vs benefit calculation

That's a very shocking attitude that your husband has regarding being humiliated that you work in the private sector, how utterly pretentious!

If you go full time your husband will need to accept that means an equal share of parenting and housework etc. If not then that's not going to work for you. If he is earning 90k, no way should you be responsible for paying off credit card bills while on maternity leave.

That whole thing would definitely give me the ick.

Apologies, I was wrong. She doesn't contribute 50% of the household bills, she contributes 2/3rds of her wages (so almost £1k pretax a month...yikes).

The rest of my comments was accurate.

She doesn’t say that at all!

The point you've just made is that YOU AND YOUR DH did all that... the OPs husband isn't doing it though. He expects her to do it all.

This is an extremely good point. Offer to go back to work full time but work out the cost for replacing all of your labour (childcare- nursery costs for full time places are astronomical, a cleaner etc etc) and tell him you’ll do it but he has to fork out for all of these extra expenses it will bring in.
He doesn’t sound like he is being fair.

Th3sw were my thoughts too.

Oh god here we go about invoicing dh for your services or needing a cleaner /gardener/housekeeper for you to return full time - when in reality people working full time in stressful jobs don’t have that ! Me and my husband did all the cleaning/chores/gardening etc ourselves with young children and full time jobs. ( still managed hobbies and social life)

anyway, 1) what did you discuss and agree before having children in terms of when/if you’d return to full time 2) is husband feeling pressure in his job ( eg possible redundancy, worry about money 3) if you’re SE 90k gross salary isn’t huge if you have mortgage etc

you need to have a sensible conversation and both agree a plan