Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Acquitence went to kiss toddler

267 replies

sarahmaguire · 12/04/2026 09:30

I went to an event and it was just a few people. I have a 2 year old and we are going through the tantrum stage and crying when he can't do something.

I took something off him and that caused a small meltdown. It was just before nap time so I was getting my pram packed to go home and was looking at him but knew that we just had to go. I would take a minute or two and was right next to him. She comes and takes him and put him on her lap, doesn't ask, and then starts to mock kiss him saying "everything is ok".

I instantly get him and put him in the pram, of which is a struggle because tired toddler = only one solution.

I put the pram down flat and get him as settled as properly whilst saying Im going, and she continues to get right in his face and mock kiss. I really don't know if she will kiss him but really I wouldn't get that close to someone's kid who isn't a relative/I'm not good friends with. It was close enough for me to put my hand there to make sure.

Aibu? She has a kid the same age. I don't really want adults putting my child on their lap either, unless family or paid care. J

Just to be clear I was comforting him as much a si could but you know your child and what's best in the situation. I was also flustered and the event was winding downn so not disturbing anyone.

OP posts:
Tourmalines · 12/04/2026 10:20

Good heavens above . I think the amount of preciousness with some parents has gone way OTT .

Ribbonwort · 12/04/2026 10:20

sarahmaguire · 12/04/2026 10:15

She couldn't have asked? So we take children and put them on our laps away from parents eyes

Unless this woman has a lap the size of Wales, or hid your toddler up her oversized jumper or something, she can’t possibly have had her ‘away from parents’ eyes’.

FavouriteBiggle · 12/04/2026 10:20

OP are you OK? Do you have a DH or DP?

You sound so overwrought and are hugely overeacting to someone trying to help you. Your reactions to her and to posters on here is not normal.

Tedwardy · 12/04/2026 10:19

You are wildly overreacting. I might not like it if someone did that with my child but it certainly wouldn't be a huge deal, as you’re making it.

ValidPistachio · 12/04/2026 10:19

sarahmaguire · 12/04/2026 10:15

She couldn't have asked? So we take children and put them on our laps away from parents eyes

No one agrees with you. Just accept you are in the wrong here.

DavesGirl90 · 12/04/2026 10:18

Peanutbutterkitty · 12/04/2026 10:06

Since moving abroad i have never experienced anyone with this view that only parents should show young children affection! Its really culturally specific to certain groups within the UK and it's very normal for people - especially mothers - to be kind and affectionate to children of friends. I dont see your problem and it sounds like she was trying to help.

I totally agree. It is not even a UK thing. I live in the UK and have never encountered it. I have only seen it on here so I assume it must be aligned to a particular demographic I’m not part of.

sarahmaguire · 12/04/2026 10:15

Frugalgal · 12/04/2026 10:15

You are massively overreacting. The woman was trying to help and entertain your child while you got sorted. What on earth is wrong with you? There was nothing unsafe in what she did.

I despair.

She couldn't have asked? So we take children and put them on our laps away from parents eyes

OP posts:
Frugalgal · 12/04/2026 10:15

You are massively overreacting. The woman was trying to help and entertain your child while you got sorted. What on earth is wrong with you? There was nothing unsafe in what she did.

I despair.

BudgetBuster · 12/04/2026 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mt563 · 12/04/2026 10:12

This is the village. This is what it looks like and this is one of the compromises, you get help, but it doesn't always confirm perfectly to what you would do.

LittleMissClutter · 12/04/2026 10:12

Oh dear OP.

Do you really think she's weird??

BudgetBuster · 12/04/2026 10:12

sarahmaguire · 12/04/2026 09:51

Yes image someone you bareky know grabbing your child, undermining your parenting skills or style, not even ask you if you want a hand (I was just next to him and watching him), then put him on her lap (imagine if it was a man), out of sight and away from you, and still continued to understand mine you and do an unsafe thing when he's safely in the pram.....

She's weird.

Is she weird.. or are you ungrateful?

Yes, you didn't like it but that doesn't make her the devil. Most mothers that I know would have turned to her and said "Thanks a mill, he's tired and cranky, thanks for helping"

Your thread title is misleading... she made kissy faces at a toddler to distract them.

havingoneofthosedays · 12/04/2026 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TwistedWonder · 12/04/2026 10:11

Hallamule · 12/04/2026 10:06

You see that this part of the board is called AIBU? That stand for Am I Being Unreasonable. You are asking a question, so you do need to be prepared for people to disagree with you, that's how it works.

It’s one of those threads where even if 100% of responses were ‘YABU’ the OP would still just argue that she’s right.

You crack on overreacting OP - parenting will be hard work with your attitude

jackstini · 12/04/2026 10:11

You asked if YWBU - take on board almost everyone has said yes

Sounds like the lady was just trying to help - I love the ‘takes a village’ attitude; was very happy when friends, family or acquaintances were around and we raised all our kids together - made them well rounded and part of a bigger ‘family’

The kissy noises might have been over your personal boundary, but just a silly distraction and certainly not harmful

You sound quite uptight, which is not great for your toddler; honestly you just need to let this go

keepswimming38 · 12/04/2026 10:11

Over reaction. You’re saying she violently grabbed and manhandled your child. Your framing it as an assault but that clearly wasn’t the case, was it? Calm down.

Azandme · 12/04/2026 10:10

sarahmaguire · 12/04/2026 09:51

Yes image someone you bareky know grabbing your child, undermining your parenting skills or style, not even ask you if you want a hand (I was just next to him and watching him), then put him on her lap (imagine if it was a man), out of sight and away from you, and still continued to understand mine you and do an unsafe thing when he's safely in the pram.....

She's weird.

She's not the weird one here...

Seriously, your overreaction is odd.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 12/04/2026 10:08

sarahmaguire · 12/04/2026 09:52

You ok with your child being kissed ?

She didn't kiss him. You've said as much.

Peanutbutterkitty · 12/04/2026 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

She didnt 'grab' your toddler or 'kiss' him. She picked him up and tried to cheer him up and distract him by making kissing sounds. Are you always this difficult?

PotolKimchi · 12/04/2026 10:08

Look everyone has said the same thing. So maybe you should stop and think (even if you don’t want to admit it to us) whether you overreacted.

She didn’t kiss your child btw. She made a noise/expression that is universally one of soothing and affection. I make that noise to my cat as well.

I think perhaps as a society we have swung too far. There is all this talk of a ‘village’ but we have also told young mothers that there is danger around every corner. For the most part there isn’t. For the most part people are simply trying to help. And mostly people are not in fact judging but thinking ‘Ah I remember that stage.’ It’s hard to believe that when you are in the throes of toddlerdom but this stuff happens. And in some ways having a village that soothes your child and corrects their behaviour is a good thing.

(The last I know is not popular but if my kids were acting up and I wasn’t immediately there or had picked up on, I wouldn’t mind someone correcting them gently. I would feel an immediate shame but I know that this is how a good healthy communal society should be).

ilovesooty · 12/04/2026 10:08

sarahmaguire · 12/04/2026 10:03

No it's not

Yes it is. Do you usually call people names when they disagree with you?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/04/2026 10:07

The interaction between them was harmless, sweet even. It’s your baby, your choice.

Clefable · 12/04/2026 10:07

This post and posting style are very familiar. There was a thread about a month ago that was pretty much identical.

ilovesooty · 12/04/2026 10:07

sarahmaguire · 12/04/2026 10:00

She didn't ask. She could have said do you want a hand. I was standing just there watching him. No need for her to take him out of eyesight.

How was he out of eyesight if you could see what was happening?

Hallamule · 12/04/2026 10:06

sarahmaguire · 12/04/2026 10:03

No it's not

You see that this part of the board is called AIBU? That stand for Am I Being Unreasonable. You are asking a question, so you do need to be prepared for people to disagree with you, that's how it works.