When to stop paying parents for childcare.

You let her clean your house for free.
She provides essential childcare.
Pay her a reasonable amount or be prepared to pay someone else.

You happily took that money she gave you for a deposit - which probably saved you money on mortgage payments - did the money come with strings attached? (Usually, the answer is yes, even if it wasn't said explicitly)

After school club for an hour a day would be way way cheaper, you would be looking at £50 a week max.
If you can’t afford it then your mom really should get a job, it isn’t fair to expect you to go out without so she doesn’t have to work.

Just say to her no need any ire but you ar esp grateful for her help and giving her 6w notice and from May half term no need for her to look after them

If it’s £400 a month that seems like a real bargain for a nanny/housekeeper, even with school aged children.

It sounds like you’re okay with the arrangement and your DH is not. Is it that you can’t afford it or that he doesn’t want her in your space? If the latter, maybe adjusting hours/timing/frequency could help.

Also if both working, abandoning reliable backup childcare and cleaning in favour of your husband saying he’ll do it instead is dicey. You might be underestimating the value of the arrangement.

Will you still need care in holidays? Would it be every day bar annual leave? If so I’d offer a lower amount of say £150 a month from September and just have holiday care. Or pay say £250 for the weeks you use her and nothing for weeks you don’t.

if you don’t need holiday care I’d give her notice now and finish in July with school hols or September with school starting.

Stop subsidising your parents! Team dh all the way!

If your DC is coming to the end of primary school in the summer this could be the perfect time to end the arrangement.

Team DH also.

Money should have decreased when your child went to nursery.

£400/500 for picking them up and having them for an hour is crazy!
Going out 5 nights a week and the holidays, I don’t believe they’re skint. I think she consciously knows it will be coming to an end so is on a guilt trip.

i find it pretty shocking she’s took that much for so long tbh!

Really you should have decreased the payments when your youngest went to nursery. I mean how did the conversation not arise then? She’s been laughing (whilst going to the pub and being on multiple holidays). Crazy.

I agree. I can't believe she happy to take the same amount of money for fewer hours!

'If we don't pay her she says she will have to get a job'....boo fucking hoo!
That's a ridiculous amount to give your mother for a school pick up!

I have never heard of grandparents charging to look after grandchildren before.

You need to stop it. Unless you want to lose your husband. I wouldn’t stay in a marriage with someone who was essentially pissing our money up the wall.

You paid when you needed childcare. You no longer need it, but you’re paying for…. Some hoovering? No. Stop it.

So £500 a month to look after a baby all day everyday, plus school run…

Is now the same amount for one hour after school?!

£400/500 a month? Which is it, isn't it a set amount?

It sounds like the amount she does has decreased and it's frankly very cheeky of her to not have said sooner that you don't need to keep sending them the money but also strange of you to send the same amount once the child is in nursery as well.

You need to stop it. If you want them to do pick ups and pay a small amount then do that but otherwise just drop the arrangement.

I can not get my head around parents paying Grandparents to look after their own Grandchildren. I am not financially well of at all but charging my children to look after my own Granchildren would be even considered

Talk to her.

If payment stops you absolutely cannot be relying on her to still pick up the kids or occasionally step in unless you start to pay her again.

But if you want to stop paying, stop the arrangement. Just explain that situations have changed, that you can now support picking up yourselves with clubs if needed. Make it clean, give her c. 1 month's notice and job's a good'un.

Problem is you won't then be able to go back and ask for favours IMO at least not on a frequent basis so be sure you're ready to step away.

I’m with you’re husband on this.The advantage of kids getting older is saving money on childcare.

It sounds as if you are giving your DM pocket money and can no longer afford this. I think you need to have an honest conversation with her. If she started cleaning to make up the hours, she could look at expanding this as she has previous experience of being self-employed.

A good solution would be for her to get a job at the pub.

What @Seelybe said. And to make you feel better - if you have paid them £5000 a year for 10 years, have you balanced out the house deposit they gave you. ,yet?

Well they can’t be skint if they go to the pub every night & go abroad a few times a year. You would be better off saving that money for the kids in case they want to go to uni/towards first home or even paying off your own mortgage quicker.

Is it 400/month? I would give her until the summer. I don’t think an 11yo needs as much looking after if a parent wfh and can make them lunch & be there during the day.

How old is she? She won’t be getting pension until 66 or 67, so how many more years ‘pay’ is she expecting?

Personally we wouldn’t take a penny for looking after our grandchildren. I’m surprised at your DM, as it’s clear she doesn’t need the money other than to enhance her lifestyle.
Can it, but give her warning.

@DearLemonMaker it really isn't very difficult.
You tell your mum that with the COL and the children being older and more expensive you have to cut back. So you have won't be needing the childcare or cleaning from September (new school year) as you wanted to give her plenty of notice.
They aren't skint if they go out drinking every night and have multiple holidays. Even if on credit cards they still have a limit and have to be paid back.
She then has 6 months to find a job to replace the money or cut back equivalent spending.
You've been more than generous for longer than needed already.

As PP has said you definitely need to give her notice, I would say end of May is reasonable. Tell her that as the kids get older and as you both WFH you can pick them up. I think I’d gently point out I needed to save for their future.