If you haven’t done it by 50 you never will.

Love this!! “He’s a bit clingy and said he’s ‘marrying up’”

Yep, Mrs Merton is in the house!

I have a lovely male friend who got dumped almost at the altar many years ago. Didn’t really date again then finally met someone and married in his sixties. So happy for him, he was very lonely but nothing obviously “wrong “ with him.

If he wants to have biological children he will need to meet someone considerably younger than him now if they are to meet, date and move in together before she gets pregnant. Are his girlfriends young? Is he wealthy/attractive?
My BIL has been single for about 18 years, and is now 45. My MIL lives in constant hope that he will meet a woman who has no kids of her own so he can start a family. He is pretty sad that he hasn’t met anyone, but doesn’t do anything about it.

I dont believe in 'the one'.

You and your Mum are way over invested in your db love life!

In his 50s plus his priorities will change and his choices will reduce.

That's great.

https://www.thebusinesswomanmedia.com/amal-alamuddin-marries-actor/

I think Slate had this headline as well but can't find it

What attracted the middle aged washed up mediocre actor to the young, stunningly beautiful, hugely successful and highly achieving international human rights lawyer?

My family member dated in dribs and drabs. Nothing ever too serious. He’s in his mid 50s now and he’s getting married this year. So it can happen.

It is this thing of playing the field then "settling down" with someone much younger and becoming the older dad. Having cake and eating it

I'm thinking of the AIBU case of a woman c. 41 with 2kids by a man she met in her 20s who was a recovered addict who has now washed his hands of parenting chores (he's about 68) BC it's "boring"

Is it so bad to remain single?
I have been happily married for many years, but I often yearn for a single life.

I sometimes catch a glimpse of my next door neighbour and feel a sllght twinge.
He is now in his 70s, but very fit, he has never had a partner and seems to live a very happy life.He travels a lot, hosts friends for lunch very often,often outside in warm weather, with large lunches, ice buckets and pimms.

I would suggest that being single can be a good way to live.

My stepdad was single until his mid 40s and then married my Mum. They've been happy for 20 years.

I don't know many.

I'm not very romantic though and I'd rather have a family with a partner who's a good choice than hold out for a fictional perfection! Plenty of marriages work well despite not starting as obsessive love matches. If he's that sad about it he knows what he needs to do.

George Clooney got married at 53. Met Amal when he was 52. Twins followed. He was such a commitment-phobe he had a bet with his costars he wouldn't ever get hitched. A bet he ultimately lost.
He had been married previously though for 20 months.
Does your brother look like George Clooney?!

I suspect what has happened is that in his 20s and 30s he didn't want to settle down. Now he thinks he might, but the women that are easiest to attract (and possibly that he gets on best with) are close to his own age and he can't have children with them.

So if he wants children he needs to attract a woman younger than about 35 to allow for a couple of years to get to know each other properly. These are harder to attract for a man of 50 and possibly he also doesn't really gel with most of them on an intellectual level due to the age gap.

So he carries on with the short term women he can get, but doesn't want to shut off the prospect of the family, so won't commit. This is the issue with men who put off settling down for a long time. The dating apps are full of them.

I also suspect he wants a family in the abstract, but the reality is something he's hiding from.

How is your DM and culture on homosexuality @Wish44 any chance he lives another parallel life, not to offend, or even sadder doesn’t?

I have a family friend (now dead) who had a couple of marriages and kids then met a much younger Japanese woman. Went on to have 4 boys with her all of whom who went to boarding school in England when they moved to Spain (had the boys in his 50s). He was very wealthy, property developer, millionaire who started a hotel restaurant. Later the wife admitted he could be very difficult to live with. But obvs didn’t divorce him.

I know someone like this and the poor child is now a young carer.

Their dad will likely die and at the very least be in a care home before they finish secondary school.

It strikes me that you repeatedly choose relationships with addicts. Do / did you have your own subs abuse issues? Or was there an alcoholic or difficult parent in your childhood - in that maybe their emotional unavailability and your understandable emotional chasing experienced in your childhood is being re-enacted each time.

Your ideal person seems very different socially to the social life choices you and your previous boyfriends have chosen.

I almost dated a model who got into it by accident. Went on one date but then freaked out that he’d be after other pretty women. He was actually a lovely, modest guy. Not outgoing too much but enough for the schmoozing and red carpet events. He’s still single in his late 40s/50 I forget his age. Still models part time but work dried up so got job in factory.

Absolutely this!!

I wish more people stayed single until they met the right one than getting with anyone just because they feel they have to.

Fortunately, the new generations are much more likely to stay single for longer and there is less judgement about being single.

One of my friends met her DH when he was 53, he’d never been married before. They are married now with a 15 year old and seem very happy.

Have you had a serious talk with him OP? Has your mum? Or do you both just skirt around the issue. It’s fine if you’re single and don’t want kids nor dating as some men I know do.

Oh yes, forgot to add, the 2-year cycle sounds very familiar. I need growth/change in everything I do about every 2 years. Lots of career growth and changes, lots of moving countries, hobbies/ interests always changing etc. Feel like it'll be difficult staying with one person and finding growth in that every 2 years, especially fi you do not want marriage and children. It feels like standings still, stagnating, I need to reinvent myself constantly, "I have to change to stay the same". In all honesty that probably includes change of partner.

So again, your brother may feel similar. I heard the term 'growth addict' recently and it definitely hit home.

Well my ex boyfriend was 51 and wanted kids. His house and lifestyle suggested otherwise though. Maybe he wanted them like as you say you want a pet. Which he also didn’t have or want.

It sounds like he has an avoidant/dismissive attachment style, which is usually created in childhood/through trauma.

If he’s desperate for a family, then therapy can apparently help a lot.

Just recognising your issue and learning about it more can really help.

I think it’s definitely possible to find love later on in life but having a family may be more challenging.

If he doesn’t get to the bottom of his issues though he will struggle to find anyone long term.

If you are close, then I would encourage him to research it more and then find a therapist.

Chatgpt is actually wonderful for talking through things.
It isn’t always accurate and so he needs to look things up himself but once he recognises that he may have an actual issue that’s not his fault, then he may be more open to counselling.