If you haven’t done it by 50 you never will.

It feels unlikely at this point. He’s been a commitment phobe for decades and has little insight into his situation. Does he live with your parents still? Not much is talked about male fertility but it does deteriorate over time. Would a woman in her early or mid 30’s be interested in a man in his 50’s who has had no serious relationship and describes his girl friends as “friends”? The reason why l say woman of this age is their most likely better fertility will help offset his most likely impaired fertility. That’s before you even get to the compromise that long term relationships and parenthood require etc

I'm 62 and have never married but I live in hope of meeting a decent, honest, kind and intelligent man.

You never know....! 😊

This an interesting hypothesis. My DB is 48 and currently single (never married and no children). Plenty of relationships that all seem to fizzle out around 2-3 years or less. I think he is nit-picky and has a controlling personality which doesn’t help. He enjoys the honeymoon phase and then his boredom kicks in and he looks for faults in the relationships. Some of his exes have been absolutely lovely. Nice families. Parents all get on well etc.

He has now found himself an overseas girlfriend who he’s been visiting and conversing with for a couple of years now. They finally sorted out her visa (3 yr visa) and she is now living with him. They have discussed marriage in the future and he has agreed to one child (how mature of him😂). She is about 33yo.

Am I being unreasonable to tell him to quit wasting her time if he’s still messing her around in about 18 months time/not committing to a marriage? It annoys the hell out of me when I see women who waste their child-bearing years on a guy who future fakes or is just “not sure she’s the one”. I’m a firm believer that you know pretty quickly if you can see yourself marrying someone and having children with them, especially if you’re living together.

Don't have the experience of settling down later in life as such (however, one that does sprig to mind is George Clooney 😂), however I can see where your brother is coming from.

I'm late 30s and frankly I haven't been with anyone where being with that person doesn't feel like 'settling for less'. It's not that I am looking for something crazy, it's more that I am hypercritical of people and if they make my life more draining rathern than easier and better, I keep them at arm's length. I don't really fall in love.

I did fall in love in my very early 20s and he seemed like the perfect match, for many many years I thought he was 'the one' while being with other people, and almost chasing that feeling of what being with him felt like.

It's also not that I date 'below par' men. A few examples of relationships or potential relationships I've pulled out of:

• MP - super interesting person but thought he had mental health and substance abuse issues
• CEO of a household name company - likewise, substance abuse and extreme levels of stress/unhappiness
• Premier League footballer - extremely attention-seeking, lifestyle revolved around parties, women, alcohol
• Model - very good-looking but also very insecure, lacking direction in life
• Tech guy - unconcerned with external presentation or social grace, extremely matter-of-fact, antisocial
• 'Normal' guy - again, antisocial, thinking of anything like a day out or trip to another city as a big deal
• Guy from work - life revolved around drinking and football, social life heavily revolved around seeing his family
• Another guy from work - focused on his own career progression and having an easy life, often complaining, no real thought about wider social issues or problems of the world

As you can see, I am able to find something wrong with absolutely everyone, whereas I am sure many women would find these men quite dateable, especially the higher income ones.

Or perhaps I attract difficult personalities and they are single for a reason, who knows.

What would I like? I'd like someone established in what they are doing, perhaps an artist, scientist or writer, or another profession that revolves more around their purpose and less around making money, that has a calm, thoughtful nature and curiosity about the world, broad range of topics etc...

Would I find that? Maybe, but not easy. My first thoughts upon meeting somebody is usually outlining what is wrong with them - unless it's attraction at first sight, which is extremely rare.

I don't mind if I stay single-ish for life with a string of short relationships, a bit like your brother, as long as I am true to myself and happier outside a relationship than in one. Being in a relationship is not a goal in itself for me.

At this stage of life I feel like I can relate strongly to the 'eternal bachelor' lifestyle. I do need connection and intimacy, but I am unwilling to commit to something/ someone that negatively disrupts a lifestyle that works well for me and isn't aligned with my identity and choices.

Apologies if that's not what you were looking for on here, but perhaps this helps you understand your brother's mind better.

To be fair op says he usually dates close to his age. But if he wants kids the woman would need to be quite a bit younger than him, I don't think it's lack of emotional maturity to know that! (Unless he'd be happy with step kids, but that can be messy).

I do think he's less likely to find a long term relationship of a family is a criteria at his age though, as not many women wanting kids would be keen to do so with someone in their 50s. I went to a wedding of a 50 yo man who'd never been married before recently, so it certainly happens, but they won't be having a family together, the bride is already a grandmother. So he may need to adjust his expectations.

It does seem like you are making this a bigger problem than it is though, it feels a bit like Bridget Jones when the smug marrieds are pontificating about why there are so many singles. He's obviously fairly happy or he wouldn't have turned down so many chances.

In that he's had lots of girlfriends but just doesn't fall in love. Plenty of time for it, but it sounds as if he blocks it emotionally.

No judgement about it. I've got a block on emotional involvement. But it's better to be honest with yourself about it. Never falling in love with anyone and still believing you want a partner and a family is delusional.

George Clooney got married at 53. Met Amal when he was 52. Twins followed. He was such a commitment-phobe he had a bet with his costars he wouldn't ever get hitched. A bet he ultimately lost.
He had been married previously though for 20 months.
Does your brother look like George Clooney?!

Your brother seems happy with his life as it is now. Maybe he’ll meet someone or maybe he won’t, but if he does meet someone he likes, isn’t it up to both of them to try and make a go of it. I don’t get why you’re coming online to talk about him in these terms - he’s not hurting you, is he? Also, your mum will be fine. Whatever will be will be.

I'm guessing you are in a relationship 🙄

My brother met someone on the internet in his late 40s and they got married. They’re both nearing 60 now and still together. She’s totally different in every way to anyone he’s ever dated and I think once he opened his heart to different people, it just clicked. That’s not being detrimental to her, she’s absolutely lovely, but we’re all attracted to certain types or looks, whether we admit or not. Sure they met too late, they feel, to have kids…something my brother always thought he would have, but it just didn’t work out that way.

I have an adult son who hasn’t had a serious relationship in nearly 10 years. He desperately wants one, he desperately wants a family and he desperately wants “ the dream”. It makes me very sad that he feels like this and that he feels alone in the world, but he’s also looking for perfection. He’s jaded by friends who partners have left them through infidelity, not earning enough money, not being a man apparently in various ways. He wants perfection. I’m tired of talking about it with him. At his age, it’s his life and his decision. I’ve tried explaining to him that not everyone gets that massive bump on the head, lovestruck scenario, a room where your eyes meet and instantly fall in love….that some relationships need friendship and time….but he’s not having it. So be it.

tbh with your brother, I’m not sure he is really sad and desperately wants a family. I think theyre just lines to spin you all. A man at 50 with no serious relationship under his belt, really can’t be interested in that. Sure he might have felt life has passed him by….and he’s using these phrases to badly express that….but if that’s truly truly truly what he wanted, someone would “have done “ by now.

tbh I think your mum needs to let him get on with it. No one wants their child alone in the world or taking on life without a partner. It’s sad whatever age your child is. Equally at 50 it’s got to be your brothers decision. not that your mum can do anything about it, I realise that, but I just don’t see the point in your mum worrying about it. He’s got to 50. He must be fairly settled in other ways…job? Accommodation?

How is your DM and culture on homosexuality @Wish44 any chance he lives another parallel life, not to offend, or even sadder doesn’t?

You know the famous Rumi quote?

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

That’s the bottom line here, it’s not that he’s not met the ‘right’ person it’s that he’s can’t love.

I think trauma is a red herring: some people who have been through unimaginable trauma find loving relationships. In him it’s just an excuse to go on not loving.

It’s none of your business! I expect your brother would be horrified that his sister is debating his love life online with strangers