If you haven’t done it by 50 you never will.

Absolutely. I am in my early 50s and wouldn’t be open to meeting someone who had never been married, or at least been in a long-term relationship.
A man like that would find compromise very difficult and must be stuck in his ways.

But if they are not the right person for him why would he commit?

He would know better than you if it’s trauma or simply the case of just not meeting the right person.

I think people who find it easy to meet compatible partners struggle to understand that there are those who don’t have the same luck.

Well, maybe if she had married at 28 she would have won the election and the world wouldn't be in such a mess!

Wasn’t Kamala Harris 49 when she married her husband? My mom’s childhood friend was almost 50 when she finally met “her one”.

Some people simply don’t meet their person / don’t meet them until later in life. Not because of commitment issues just simply the luck of the draw in not meeting the right person and not wishing to settle for just anyone. I am not far off 50. No commitment issues with me but simply never met my person.

“Long standing debate”
”Mum spends her life hoping”

Sounds a bit intense and preoccupied to me.

I am not sure that I believe that he thinks there's a one for him.
I'm not sure I know of any men beyond the age of 30 who believes this.
The One is not really a male thing.

This is why inter - female jealousy is silly. The truth is men are just more pragmatic and if she's amenable and loving enough and there it's enough.

Maybe he's saying this to placate you because he knows that us women tend to believe it.

The one will probably come along when he tires of playing the field/ worrying about ageing/can't attract the women he wants anymore.

Then you'll all say he's found the one at last and he won't correct you because it saves him from scrutiny.

How bizarre, I could have sworn I read all OP's posts and she mentioned it. I just went back and re-read them and can see no trace of this! Ignore me, I've clearly lost the plot 🫣😬😁

Perhaps if he says he wants a relationship but then self sabotages, he needs to have therapy. I’m mid 40s single and no kids. I’d love to meet someone but I have been single for a while and I don’t really want to settle just for the sake of it. I’m sure my family think ‘something is wrong with me’, but never mind 🤣

Agree. And he is the one who pigeon holes every single date - searching for a random perceived flaw one every woman he knows so he can early doors slam them in the pigeon hole “unsuitable”.

I think chronic issues with intimate relationships come from the entrenchment of childhood experiences and family environment rather than a trauma experience in adulthood. The OP said their DF ‘wasn’t great’ - that might be worth exploring from her DBs perspective. But I also agree that the angsty, Pearl clutching intensity from the sister and the mum is feeding the system and his victimhood. I agree switch up the dynamic and see what happens.

I’m in my early 50s now. A long term bachelor I have known since infant school got married last year. He had never had long term relationships as busy with his mates, out drinking, football and the like. His sisters have 6 kids each and 2 exh’s each so he’s just lived a different life. He’s with a lovely younger lady and I hope it works out, I was really pleased for him.

And then one of his drinking buddies (I used to serve them decades ago) is my friends partner. He’s 55. They’ve been dating ten years now. She has the children and the exh. He was just busy with work and as above. He owns his own house after living with his parents until his 40s. They see each other some weekends and one night a week, his first long term relationship.

That's not leaving him a massive age window then! Wants a family, but early 30s was too young even a few years back. It doesn't sound like he's willing to make much in the way of compromises to get what he wants, but biology is a bitch.

Would he consider a serious relationship with a woman who already has her own DC? I know you say his current gf does, but casual is different.

No it’s the complete opposite. OP and her mother need to drop the rope, for their own sake at least.

He is getting some psychological kibble from his avoidance, as soon as that kibble is withdrawn and he gets absolutely zero attention, then he’ll get it sorted to “surprise” people. But presumably you are perfectly aware of that dynamic and have your own reasons for making him out to be in some wronged.
Pigeonholed my Arse, don’t you think a decades long track record counts for anything?

Agree, though my husband was 45 and 48 when our children were conceived and they're all fine and we were lucky to fall on the first attempt. He's a pretty healthy guy - I put it down to all the zinc in his diet!

She was his second wife.

To answer your original question, a lovely friend of my mother's was single all her life then met an ex catholic priest when she was in her early 50s. He had newly left the priesthood so obv had never been married. They fell in love, got married and had a wonderful relationship until his unfortunately quite early death.

Based on what I know about people, I'd say there are a few possibilities going on here:
He's gay and can't admit it even to himself (surprisingly common even nowadays IMO)
He likes the idea of a committed relationship and feels he should have one but doesn't actually enjoy them and needs to be honest about that
Something about a certain stage of a relationship triggers something in him - a protective mechanism, a fear - and he can't get past that stage until he recognises the issue and deals with it.
He doesn't believe deep down he could be a good father so he self-sabotages as a way of avoiding fatherhood

He's not fascinated with younger = better though, the OP says in the post you are replying to that the women are similar ages to him and refers to this current woman as being in her mid 40s compared to his 50.