If you haven’t done it by 50 you never will.

I can't say I'd it will happen for your brother but I know some people who met mid- late 50s, first relationship for a long time for him and they have been together over 15 years now and recently had a civil partnership

He’s not being a piece of shit because of choices those women make. Him being honest and open is mutually exclusive with being a piece of shit.

He is honest and upfront. My friend is currently in a ten year relationship with a man who has been clear from even before they got together that he is never marrying and having children again. Despite this she won’t leave hoping he will change his mind. That does not make him being shit.

It appears so - but as OP says he has always been honest with them. They choose to stick around foolishly.

That’s interesting. I don’t think that comparing the search for a romantic partner to a job position works though. You can recruit somebody good enough because you don’t have to like them or have deep feelings for them.

Of course you don’t need to have deep feelings for somebody or even like them to enter into a long term relationship with them. But for those people who cannot fathom dating people they don’t like, it’s more challenging to settle in this manner.

Hmmm yes I do that also. For me the difference between being or not being together is whether you have a sexual relationship, and I don't sleep with these guys, so in my head it's kosher.

Later on it's turned out that some of the guys have thought we were platonically dating. However, I do certainly see many guys simultaneously, in my head they are just friends, nothing more. Some have admitted catching feelings.

I suppose that's my subsititute connection.

In fact, I do know someone that settled later in life!!!

He got to about 60 (in excellent health and shape) and then suddenly had his first child. It did get quite messy with the lady after that though they are together.

Thinking about this particular person:

• hypercritical of everyone and everything, high achiever, multipotentialite
• attracted to people who were a very bad match for him! He came from a very pretentious, prominent family, but was often attracted to women from a very different social background or foreign women. I think the highlight was him bringing a call girl to his brother's big birthday garden party - a real life Pretty Woman situation
• linked to that, he only settled down once both his parents had passed away - I do feel he was afraid of their judgement. His late mother was very judgemental, for example, criticising my accent (in my 4th language) in front of me while speaking about me as though I wasn't there
• very set in his ways and unwilling to accommodate
• surrounded by beautiful women, models, actresses - therefore the illusion of unlimited choice

Does your brother have any characteristics that make him uber picky? Maybe a difficult relationship with parents/ someone in his childhood? Or feels like he needs to achieve and/or impress? What does he do for a job?

Does he change other things in his life often, like houses, cars, jobs, style, appearance, hobbies...?

I've become quite invested now!

I agree. I certainly wouldn't be with a guy who introduced me as a friend after say 3 months of dating.

But just because they are being foolish, does not mean to say he's notbeing a piece of shit. The two are not mutually exclusive.

It's shit for the women, but it doesn't sound like he can help the way he is. Sounds like it's partly subconscious.

His wife would only need to be 10 years younger as plenty of women are still fertile at 40-43.

When it finally occurs to you that your business is going to shit and those secretaries may not want to work for you anymore.

He hasn't and, being a man, he hasn't missed the boat for children either, which could be one reason why he hasn't dealt with his issues. Women often get therapy for this kind of thing in their 30s because their timeline is different.

Too old for kids, but seems he has a pattern. Also it’s his problem to sort not yours

Try
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem

Plenty of people claim Clooney is gay and he just eventually got a fake marriage.

He probably knows the reason isn't a real thing. Chandler had this in the early years of Friends. One of them was that his date had 'too big a head', but even he knew it was commitment phobia really.

"I occasionally meet them and he introduces them as a friend-"

Does this include the ones he's been with for two years? And they accept that?

It’s only mixed messages if you are a fool. Couples don’t have a monopoly on spending time with each other, meeting families etc.

If somebody tells you who they are, and you choose not to believe them. That’s on you. If somebody clearly tells you it’s only casual, and you choose to stick around, that’s on you too.

No he's not.
He's giving mixed messages.

Link doesn’t work.

My uncle married at 64 for the first time. They've been very happy ever since

Possibly of interest. A decision theory phenomenon called Secretary problem, also the fussy suitor or marriage problem

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretaryproblem

There are X possible suitors/ candidates for the role of secretary, or spouse. When compared they can be ranked from best to worst. But when do you stop and settle?

He is honest with them. It’s not his fault the women he is with choose to delude themselves that he does not mean what he says.

I meet a really broad range of people through my work and other pursuits, so have ended up getting interest from quite a broad range.

My own social life/lifestyle is very much clean living, countryside, arts, culture, social causes. However, most people that live that lifestyle are retirement age or live quite an isolated existence, largely offline and with a small circle.

I do like high achievers with cause and purpose, but yet to meet one that is mentally at peace, loves and enjoys life. That inner peace and happiness in a man is important for me.

It's more that I chose to step away from people that use drugs or alcohol even though I like the rest of them. E.g. I might go on a few dates with someone but then realise they like a drink and frienzone them.

Yes, both parents with alcohol issues.

The thing is, what in my head is alcohol/substance abuse, may not be that for other people. I don't think at all, so for me, if someone gets drunk once a week, or drinks almost every day, or consumes drugs in any form, that's not someone I want to get involved with. Whereas obviously in British culture generally that's quite normalised.

In my head, if you use alcohol to combat 'a tough day', stress, depression, that sets alarm bells ringing. Whereas I'd say many people behave in that way.

I have a long term friend, former colleague of mine who cannot accept I am single through “not meeting the right person”. He just cannot fathom, cannot understand, it’s like trying to explain the colour red to a blind person. He thinks everybody can get married to the right person easily and strongly insists anybody who claims otherwise simply does not want to marry!

😄

Is he the sort of guy who doesn't like labels on relationships?
Yet he'll do all sorts of couplely things with these women?
Can't stand these types. You don't want a relationship, don't do couplely things!!

Thats the decent thing to do.

As for avoidant attachment types, not sure I buy that. They commit soon enough when their back's against the wall.

Aging, homelessness, poverty, too old to get anybody else, nurse with a purse and so on.
Though they're physically present in the relationship but not really in it, to be fair.

He's really taking you for a ride with this the one nonsense because he knows us females buy into it (though I and many other women don't we are more likely to believe it than men. I think that this is a fair comment.) and it gets him sympathy.

Oh poor soul he's not met the one.

Yeah right. What was it Julie Burchill said about turning up naked and bringing beer...

I think you could be over thinking this and sometimes it's simple as needing to meet the right person.

I know someone who had never had a long term relationship or lived with anyone until, in his late 50s, he fell in love with a woman he met online who lived on another continent. They had a long distance relationship, got married and she and her teenage son moved to the UK. After having been single for decades he became a husband and step dad as he hit his 60s.