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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect him to get up?

84 replies

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 08:34

Staying at my DP's dad's house, which was his choice. When here our DS sleeps with me. DP is supposed to be getting up with DS this morning. I'm up before everyone else every week day, I took our DS to visit my family for 4 days over last weekend, so DP had a break. Today was his turn to get up, however we are always on eggshells, he doesn't like our DS to wake before 9/10 which to me is ridiculous because he's 6.

He woke up at 7.40, so a reasonable time. As he's sleeping next to me, I've been awake since then. I waited until 8 and told DS he could go to his dad's room- so already it's not a lie in. He stood there anxious and starting to cry that daddy would be angry. He never cries. I said we will pop down together and if daddy says anything then he can stay with me. We get down there and he's locked him bedroom door so his son can't come to him in the morning (as planned). I'm fuming. I text him and he read my messages 20 mins ago and still hasn't come in to get him.
He'll be tired as he was drinking yesterday and on Xbox late.

OP posts:
FateAmenableToChange · 12/04/2026 09:02

I cant answer your AIBU because you are not being unreasonable to expect your childs father not to be an abusive animal, but you are being unreasonable because you know he is and you are still inflciting him on your son.

Why cant you leave this piece of shit?

deeahgwitch · 12/04/2026 09:00

Have you support @Selfishman to get away from this awful man ?
My heart goes out to you and your wee boy.

Candy24 · 12/04/2026 09:00

The fact your both scared is grounds for this to end.

youalright · 12/04/2026 08:59

Pack your bags get your son and go back to your family.

Tacohill · 12/04/2026 08:59

This is the perfect time to leave whilst you are all staying at his dads.
In any other situation you’d have to get him out of the house, which is very difficult.

I would go back home and tell him it’s over.

This is an awful environment to bring a child up in.
Your poor son 🥲

I would also ring women’s aid too.

SecretSquid · 12/04/2026 08:57

Why are you staying with a man you are afraid of? A man your son is afraid of?
Not that it matters, but what does "d" p's dad think of this behaviour? I can't imagine staying with family then staying up drinking and gaming. Is DP's dad like his son?
It's time to plan your escape, OP. This will only get worse.

youalright · 12/04/2026 08:57

He knew exactly what he was doing when he locked that door

Tacohill · 12/04/2026 08:56

Just read your update that you are scared of him.

Whose home do you live in?

If it’s just your name on the tenancy, then I would apologise to your DP and tell him that you’ll take DS out for the day to give him a break.

Then I’d go back home and get the locks changed and text him to stay at his dad’s because the relationship is over.

Rileysp · 12/04/2026 08:55

Bloke here

sounds a dickhead. I don’t think 7.40 is a reasonable time to wake actually for a 6 year old…. I think it’s too late if anything

expecting a 6 year old to get up at 9/10 is ridiculous

IlovePhilMitchell · 12/04/2026 08:55

I would take DS home, little boys are too precious to have shitty role models like this piece of shit. Think of the future man you are raising and take action OP, he deserves better.

Evaka · 12/04/2026 08:55

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 08:52

I don't know how to explain but this isn't a normal relationship. He wouldn't listen to what I say and directly answer me. Anything I say that questions him, he turns on me. It'll end up with him telling me I'm a horrible person.

He's come to get DS now. He's angry with me. He stood outside the door saying "*Ben are you coming" then started ranting about something and left. I won't sleep anyway and he's bound to be slagging me off to our son now, I would just go downstairs but I'm too scared. If I go now he'll be angry with me for ruining his sleep and not even staying in bed.

Fucking hell. Leave, leave, leave. Stop subjecting yourself and your son to this pig.

BewareoftheLambs · 12/04/2026 08:54

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 08:52

I don't know how to explain but this isn't a normal relationship. He wouldn't listen to what I say and directly answer me. Anything I say that questions him, he turns on me. It'll end up with him telling me I'm a horrible person.

He's come to get DS now. He's angry with me. He stood outside the door saying "*Ben are you coming" then started ranting about something and left. I won't sleep anyway and he's bound to be slagging me off to our son now, I would just go downstairs but I'm too scared. If I go now he'll be angry with me for ruining his sleep and not even staying in bed.

I actually think it sounds like you are both scared of him and that you need to get yourselves away from him. Perhaps call Womens Aid when it is safe to do so. This is not normal and you both deserve better.

Username19893847477374 · 12/04/2026 08:54

So when are you leaving him?

Tacohill · 12/04/2026 08:53

Why is your bar so low?

I could not imagine living in a home with someone my child is scared of.

You say you’re not scared of him, so why did you not wake him up as soon as you saw your son was awake?

Evaka · 12/04/2026 08:53

You're focusing on the wrong issue. I wouldn't want a six year old in the care of a loser like him who scares his child, locks himself away and prioritises gaming and getting pissed ffs.

Upsetbetty · 12/04/2026 08:53

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 08:52

I don't know how to explain but this isn't a normal relationship. He wouldn't listen to what I say and directly answer me. Anything I say that questions him, he turns on me. It'll end up with him telling me I'm a horrible person.

He's come to get DS now. He's angry with me. He stood outside the door saying "*Ben are you coming" then started ranting about something and left. I won't sleep anyway and he's bound to be slagging me off to our son now, I would just go downstairs but I'm too scared. If I go now he'll be angry with me for ruining his sleep and not even staying in bed.

So why are you with him?

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 08:52

MathsMum3 · 12/04/2026 08:46

So later on today, when your DP finally gets up, and you say to him, "We had an agreement that you'd have DS when he woke up, so why did you lock the door?", what do you think he'll say?

I don't know how to explain but this isn't a normal relationship. He wouldn't listen to what I say and directly answer me. Anything I say that questions him, he turns on me. It'll end up with him telling me I'm a horrible person.

He's come to get DS now. He's angry with me. He stood outside the door saying "*Ben are you coming" then started ranting about something and left. I won't sleep anyway and he's bound to be slagging me off to our son now, I would just go downstairs but I'm too scared. If I go now he'll be angry with me for ruining his sleep and not even staying in bed.

OP posts:
MathsMum3 · 12/04/2026 08:51

BewareoftheLambs · 12/04/2026 08:46

He locked his door? What sort of dad does that. I'd really not be impressed, can you and ds go home and lock him out?

I'd be inclined to do this. Don't let him have everything on his terms. Just take DS home or out for the day, just the 2 of you, and make sure you tell his dad why!

Candy24 · 12/04/2026 08:49

I'm so sorry that sounds aweful

Wolfiefan · 12/04/2026 08:48

He would rather be up drinking and gaming than be in a fit state to care for his son.
His child is scared of his anger.
Why on earth haven’t you come up with an exit strategy before now?

IlovePhilMitchell · 12/04/2026 08:47

He’s not a Dad, he’s a dickhead!

I would worry what level of parenting and kindness he does when I wasn’t there to
be honest!!!!

Upsetbetty · 12/04/2026 08:47

good god where are people finding these charmers??

Firefly100 · 12/04/2026 08:46

Oh wow, your son crying and afraid of his father age 6. I would seriously consider why it is your son’s interest to continue to live with his father. I find that really troubling. What has he been saying when you are not in earshot to produce this reaction?

MathsMum3 · 12/04/2026 08:46

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 08:43

Yes it was an agreement. I was up yesterday (and all week and last weekend). It was agreed it was his turn and our son would be sent to him. It seems he just decided to lock the door until he can be bothered to wake up.

So later on today, when your DP finally gets up, and you say to him, "We had an agreement that you'd have DS when he woke up, so why did you lock the door?", what do you think he'll say?

BewareoftheLambs · 12/04/2026 08:46

He locked his door? What sort of dad does that. I'd really not be impressed, can you and ds go home and lock him out?