Page 2 | To expect him to get up?

Selfishman · 2026-04-12T07:34:40+00:00

Staying at my DP's dad's house, which was his choice. When here our DS sleeps with me. DP is supposed to be getting up with DS this morning. I'm up before everyone else every week day, I took our DS to visit my family for 4 days over last weekend, so DP had a break. Today was his turn to get up, however we are always on eggshells, he doesn't like our DS to wake before 9/10 which to me is ridiculous because he's 6. He woke up at 7.40, so a reasonable time. As he's sleeping next to me, I've been awake since then. I waited until 8 and told DS he could go to his dad's room- so already it's not a lie in. He stood there anxious and starting to cry that daddy would be angry. He never cries. I said we will pop down together and if daddy says anything then he can stay with me. We get down there and he's locked him bedroom door so his son can't come to him in the morning (as planned). I'm fuming. I text him and he read my messages 20 mins ago and still hasn't come in to get him. He'll be tired as he was drinking yesterday and on Xbox late.

Original poster

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 10:16

This is the crap I get every single day. Lies and insults. I text him this morning when he would answer the door. I asked if he was going to get up. I said we had agreed it was his turn to get up and that I can't believe he locked the door on his child, who was too scared to come to his room. I'll attach the reply.

Important points- I do not lock my door at night or lock my door my door to keep our child out. If I'm working or if I have half hour to myself in the evening I lock the bedroom door. I have had to question why...it's because I don't feel safe (emotionally) I'm so on edge that locking the door gives me peace. From partner, not son.

DS does not usually wake at 9.15. He wakes just before 8am but at home goes downstairs by himself for an hour.

This is DP's new thing. If it's his turn to get up and DS wakes, he blames me for being a bitch and waking him up to send him in early. That 100% never happens and what's annoying is that I run around after everyone, I'm always up before everyone and even on the day I'm meant to get a lie in, I keep DS with me until 8am before waking DP as I know he'll be cross.

OP posts:

loislovesstewie · 12/04/2026 10:08

You already know that you need to leave. He is abusive, he won't get better because he doesn't want to or need to. Leave before he causes any more trauma to you or your child. Contact Women's Aid they will advise you.
I haven't read the full thread but you could also contact the homeless section at your local authority for advice. But you need to do something and get the waste of space out of your lives.

Tacohill · 12/04/2026 10:07

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 09:04

I can't just leave and change the locks. We jointly rent and I can't afford to rent there alone.

I just feel sick, I'm sat here having palpitations. The truth is, I physically jump every time he walks into a room. I know the hostility waiting for me when I get up and I'm just so mentally destroyed.

You will get help to pay the rent.

As a PP said, you can’t afford to stay.

Ring women’s aid and the council and they might put you and DS up temporarily.

This is your perfect opportunity to leave him.

Please do not be so selfish as to put this man above your son.
I wish I could come and protect that poor little boy if neither of you care about him 💔

You at least need to try.
Go for a walk and ring women’s aid to talk through your options.

FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 12/04/2026 09:50

BewareoftheLambs · 12/04/2026 09:10

Or could you go to the family you recently visited, would they help and understand?

So sorry OP, this sounds awful. Do you have any family or friends you can call or stay with for a few days? Then you can look into social housing or maybe you could afford to rent a one bedroom or studio flat for you and your son.

Cutelittlepuppy · 12/04/2026 09:48

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 09:04

I can't just leave and change the locks. We jointly rent and I can't afford to rent there alone.

I just feel sick, I'm sat here having palpitations. The truth is, I physically jump every time he walks into a room. I know the hostility waiting for me when I get up and I'm just so mentally destroyed.

You need to contact the domestic abuse helpline and get out of thus situation.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Hostility has no place in a relationship and your son needs you to show him this is not acceptable.

Please everything else can be dealt with. You should never be scared of your partner.

Homepage - National Domestic Abuse Helpline

Are you experiencing domestic abuse? You are not alone. Find out how the National Domestic Abuse helpline can support you.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Topjoe19 · 12/04/2026 09:47

OP you need to leave, for your child's sake if not your own. Could you go to your family?

SALaw · 12/04/2026 09:40

What do you want from this post? The known prick and hands off father is behaving like a prick and a hands off father. Why would he suddenly have a personality transplant? Do something about it as you KNOW it’s unreasonable and you don’t need Mumsnet to tell you that.

HoneyPie12 · 12/04/2026 09:38

You ARE being unreasonable that you let your little boy go with him while he was ranting and raving outside the door and now you are too scared to go downstairs - your child is down there and you are the only protection he has.

You AREN'T being unreasonable to be paralysed with fear - it sounds like you are mentally and physically broken with this behaviour. Just know - this isn't normal. This isn't acceptable. There is help for you and your son if you reach out. You deserve better and so does your baby.

Icecreamisthebest · 12/04/2026 09:37

Op did you know that women fleeing abusive relationships are higher on council lists? Speak to shelter and women's aid about your options. There is support for you.

I wish you all the best. Please reach out for help

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 12/04/2026 09:34

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 08:52

I don't know how to explain but this isn't a normal relationship. He wouldn't listen to what I say and directly answer me. Anything I say that questions him, he turns on me. It'll end up with him telling me I'm a horrible person.

He's come to get DS now. He's angry with me. He stood outside the door saying "*Ben are you coming" then started ranting about something and left. I won't sleep anyway and he's bound to be slagging me off to our son now, I would just go downstairs but I'm too scared. If I go now he'll be angry with me for ruining his sleep and not even staying in bed.

Show quote history

you are 'scared' of him, by your own words. Red flag, and something that you need to listen to, and act on. that is not healthy, and not good for you or your son.

BlueMum16 · 12/04/2026 09:34

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 09:04

I can't just leave and change the locks. We jointly rent and I can't afford to rent there alone.

I just feel sick, I'm sat here having palpitations. The truth is, I physically jump every time he walks into a room. I know the hostility waiting for me when I get up and I'm just so mentally destroyed.

You can't afford to stay.

You are scared. DS is scared. Your DP is a bully.

Get some advice and work out how to get this man out of your life.

Do you work?

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 12/04/2026 09:28

So he is an abusive bastard to you and your DS.

You need out. Go to a friend's, go to family. Go to a refuge. But get out now.

youalright · 12/04/2026 09:20

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 12/04/2026 09:16

Well you need to get your ducks in a row as they say and figure out a way to leave. Find out what benefits you are entitled to, find a smaller place, make it work. Apply for maintenance but don’t rely on it as he will try not to pay.

This but do it from your families home don't wait pack a bag and take your son today

Wolfiefan · 12/04/2026 09:18

If it’s affecting you so badly then your son is really suffering here. You need to find a way to get safely away from this man.

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 12/04/2026 09:16

Well you need to get your ducks in a row as they say and figure out a way to leave. Find out what benefits you are entitled to, find a smaller place, make it work. Apply for maintenance but don’t rely on it as he will try not to pay.

Enrichetta · 12/04/2026 09:15

This man will destroy you, @Selfishman - and cause lasting damage to your son.

Contact Women’s Aid for help to leave him.
Contact Shelter for help with accommodation.
Contact CAB for help with Universal Credit.
Contact Gingerbread for help with succeeding as a single parent.

Do everything in your power to free yourself from this abusive man.

Shinyandnew1 · 12/04/2026 09:13

When you say you are ‘staying at your DP’s dad’s house which is his choice’ who do you mean? Who is ‘his’ in this case?

Your partner has chosen for you all to stay there? The partner’s dad has chosen for you to stay there? Are you there for the weekend or are you living there? If you’re living there, why? Where do YOU choose to live? I would be working as many hours as I could and living separately from your ‘partner’ because your child sounds frightened of him.

BewareoftheLambs · 12/04/2026 09:10

Or could you go to the family you recently visited, would they help and understand?

BewareoftheLambs · 12/04/2026 09:08

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 09:04

I can't just leave and change the locks. We jointly rent and I can't afford to rent there alone.

I just feel sick, I'm sat here having palpitations. The truth is, I physically jump every time he walks into a room. I know the hostility waiting for me when I get up and I'm just so mentally destroyed.

You must call womens aid or similar asap. Don't worry about rent, your safety and that of your son are of the utmost importance.

Itsanewlife · 12/04/2026 09:06

You can't afford to stay with this man. Please know that this is NOT normal, and you deserve much better, and your child certainly does. Others will have practical suggestions - this is where MN shines. I hope you can find the courage to leave this man. You will be immensely better off for it.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 12/04/2026 09:06

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 08:40

No, he has no redeeming features at all.hes angry with me now and I'm not even sure why.

Yes it is usual behaviour to be completely selfish. He will argue with me how it's not normal for a child to wake so early (8 is not early).

Get rid of this awful man!
your poor little boy that’s terrible.

Original poster

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 09:04

I can't just leave and change the locks. We jointly rent and I can't afford to rent there alone.

I just feel sick, I'm sat here having palpitations. The truth is, I physically jump every time he walks into a room. I know the hostility waiting for me when I get up and I'm just so mentally destroyed.

OP posts:

Enrichetta · 12/04/2026 09:03

Are you planning to leave this angry man? If not, why not…

Screamingabdabz · 12/04/2026 09:03

Another kid with a dickhead deadbeat dad. Great.

You don’t need to spend your lives treading on eggshells around this loser op. You deserve better.

Itsanewlife · 12/04/2026 09:03

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 08:40

No, he has no redeeming features at all.hes angry with me now and I'm not even sure why.

Yes it is usual behaviour to be completely selfish. He will argue with me how it's not normal for a child to wake so early (8 is not early).

This has all sorts of red flags all over it. Sorry, OP!