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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect him to get up?

84 replies

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 08:34

Staying at my DP's dad's house, which was his choice. When here our DS sleeps with me. DP is supposed to be getting up with DS this morning. I'm up before everyone else every week day, I took our DS to visit my family for 4 days over last weekend, so DP had a break. Today was his turn to get up, however we are always on eggshells, he doesn't like our DS to wake before 9/10 which to me is ridiculous because he's 6.

He woke up at 7.40, so a reasonable time. As he's sleeping next to me, I've been awake since then. I waited until 8 and told DS he could go to his dad's room- so already it's not a lie in. He stood there anxious and starting to cry that daddy would be angry. He never cries. I said we will pop down together and if daddy says anything then he can stay with me. We get down there and he's locked him bedroom door so his son can't come to him in the morning (as planned). I'm fuming. I text him and he read my messages 20 mins ago and still hasn't come in to get him.
He'll be tired as he was drinking yesterday and on Xbox late.

OP posts:
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TheGreatDownandOut · 12/04/2026 20:40

OP your posts have really resonated with me. I used to be with someone like this, luckily his abuse was never directed at our DS, only me. Think screaming ‘cunt’ in my face over and over again in front of an 18mo child or squaring up to me and calling me a fucking scumbag in front of him. But they are the headlines, the thing I remember is tensing up whenever he walked in to a room, or if I heard him coming up the stairs. That’s your entire nervous system telling you he is not safe to be around.

I left him 5 years ago. I have never regretted it. It was the best decision I ever made.

nomas · 12/04/2026 20:14

He stood there anxious and starting to cry that daddy would be angry.

That’s heart breaking Sad

Call the police, those messages are bad enough that the police may help you get him out.

bellhawk · 12/04/2026 20:07

You and your children deserve so much better. It's awful how he speaks to you and that it now feels normal. He sounds very volatile so I don't blame you for treading carefully.

It's good you're saving money - I second the advice to talk to Women's Aid. Hopefully you can move out sooner than you think.

deeahgwitch · 12/04/2026 19:57

SecretSquid · 12/04/2026 19:04

Call women's aid. Call anyone you can think of. If GCSEs are this summer, that gives you a few weeks to secretly get the information and the help you need to get out. In the meantime, don't tell him you are thinking of leaving. Don't stand up to him more than usual, don't get into arguments if you can help it.

I second this advice.
You and your wee son have to leave this awful man.

SecretSquid · 12/04/2026 19:04

Call women's aid. Call anyone you can think of. If GCSEs are this summer, that gives you a few weeks to secretly get the information and the help you need to get out. In the meantime, don't tell him you are thinking of leaving. Don't stand up to him more than usual, don't get into arguments if you can help it.

Summerhut2025 · 12/04/2026 15:22

BewareoftheLambs · 12/04/2026 08:46

He locked his door? What sort of dad does that. I'd really not be impressed, can you and ds go home and lock him out?

Ha! Yes I love this, do it OP.
Men are selfish dicks.

Lalgarh · 12/04/2026 13:01

Best of luck @Selfishman

Original poster
Selfishman · 12/04/2026 12:49

I don't have a lot of time because I'm heading out but I will answer as much as I can remember:

  • I am saving to leave
  • family are far away and due to another child doing GCSEs it's not possible to just move away
  • his father is not saying anything. However DP sends most nasty things via text. Also, he's loud, brash, dominating and abrupt so his father sees this as the norm. His father is also 92 and a bit hard of hearing. My partner is significantly older than me.
  • I'm used to being called a bitch, it doesn't really bother me. I've been called every single name, belittled daily and put in my place. What bothers me more is the manipulation and lies. I'm an empath and try to be a good person, so when I try so hard to go out of my way to be nice, it's really hard to have someone turn everything on you with a lie.
OP posts:
Lalgarh · 12/04/2026 12:14

Are there any friends or relatives nearby on your side of the family.

Also you said you are at his dad's place. Sorry I'm just catching up. Is his dad saying or doing anything?

And btw ANOTHER case of a bloke stuck on his gaming console to the exclusion of all else. And drinking. There have been so many on AIBU I'm starting to think having a gaming console is a red flag in its own right

Skodacool · 12/04/2026 12:01

Your DP is exercising coercive control. It’s a crime, people have gone to prison for it. Please get away.

SALaw · 12/04/2026 11:35

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 10:16

This is the crap I get every single day. Lies and insults. I text him this morning when he would answer the door. I asked if he was going to get up. I said we had agreed it was his turn to get up and that I can't believe he locked the door on his child, who was too scared to come to his room. I'll attach the reply.

Important points- I do not lock my door at night or lock my door my door to keep our child out. If I'm working or if I have half hour to myself in the evening I lock the bedroom door. I have had to question why...it's because I don't feel safe (emotionally) I'm so on edge that locking the door gives me peace. From partner, not son.

  1. DS does not usually wake at 9.15. He wakes just before 8am but at home goes downstairs by himself for an hour.
  1. This is DP's new thing. If it's his turn to get up and DS wakes, he blames me for being a bitch and waking him up to send him in early. That 100% never happens and what's annoying is that I run around after everyone, I'm always up before everyone and even on the day I'm meant to get a lie in, I keep DS with me until 8am before waking DP as I know he'll be cross.

Why are you still trying to show he’s abusive? We all know it. Time to leave.

LauraJaneGrace · 12/04/2026 11:22

Get out. Get out . Get out.

Your son deserves better.
So do you.
I really hope you have some support
in place OP. Go to your family if you can. If not then look up women's aid.💐

Aberdeenusername · 12/04/2026 11:13

You chose (I’m assuming ) to have a child with this pig.. that poor boy didn’t ask to be born so now you must choose to get him away from that knob 😢 your own sake as well as your precious DS. They only get one childhood. As someone whose mum didn’t leave until I was 12 the sooner the better. Nothing worse than living with a parent you’re scared of.

Laurmolonlabe · 12/04/2026 10:53

He is not a father- why bother with him?

cestlavielife · 12/04/2026 10:49

Does he go back to school.tomorrow?
Go with and ask to speak to safeguarding lead they can support you

cestlavielife · 12/04/2026 10:48

Enough is enough.
You need to leave with ds.
Today

crazeekat · 12/04/2026 10:44

My god. Get away from this absolute asshole. Pack and leave. Ur child already has trauma.

AmandaHoldensLips · 12/04/2026 10:39

So he calls the mother of his child a nasty vindictive bitch.

Pack up and get out of there right now.

By the way - where is DP's father in this? Does he realise is son is an abusive man whose young son and partner is terrified of him?

Do not keep quiet. Tell everybody what's going on. Leave him nowhere to hide.

OneNewLeader · 12/04/2026 10:34

I am sure you have your reasons for staying with your partner, write them down. Then make a list of how you’ll mitigate them, then leave, for good.

somanychristmaslights · 12/04/2026 10:34

You’re raising your child in an abusive household. Please leave before you child is severely affected.

BewareoftheLambs · 12/04/2026 10:34

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 10:17

I will read through the other messages and reply.

No, come on, get your child away from him asap, you could see how scared he was this morning of being with dad, don't let it continue.

loislovesstewie · 12/04/2026 10:26

You get up get dressed, leave the house and either contact Women's Aid, or go to the police station because he is being abusive. Please do not allow this situation to continue.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 12/04/2026 10:21

Selfishman · 12/04/2026 10:17

I will read through the other messages and reply.

Ffs woman, do not read replies and reply. Protect your child and get the hell out of this abusive situation

Original poster
Selfishman · 12/04/2026 10:17

I will read through the other messages and reply.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 12/04/2026 10:16

FFS get up, get dressed and take your child away. Your fear doesn't top how scared your kid is.

Now you know your child fears his dad, it's up to you to protect him. Today.