AIBU for giving my stepson shop money so he was not left out

Bizarre and really not even up to her on what £ you give on days out. How ridiculous

How did the mum know it was your own money that you gave to your SS, maybe you have joint money with your DP For outings or your partner gave the money to you to give to his son? 6 yr olds are not the best at looking after things when out and about, including money, so it would be perfectly normal just to handover the money whilst in the shop. Unless you made a big production over handing over the money, saying it was only from you and not from his dad, and why would you do that? The only other way I guess is your DP told her, probably because she made a fuss when her son came home with a wee treat, why would he say it was you and cause bother?
Of course when you take another child out for the day, whether a SS or not, if your children are getting to choose a novelty pencil or an icecream or some other small item then you buy for the other child as well.

You sound like a lovely step mum! It was a gift for goodness sake. The only suggestion I would possibly make is for dss to keep anything you buy him at your house, if it's going to cause issues and he's happy with that.

His dad was going to give him it anyway, so it doesn’t really make any difference who actually handed it to him.

I presume there is a backstory and this isn’t a happy blended family.

It was a kind thing you did op.

You kept them all the same on a day out with you. Quite right. I think SS's mum needs to understand that when SS is being looked after by you or his dad in your home, you and his dad decide what is right for him to have on a day out with you. His mum can decide on 'tat' in her own contact time. If I was his mum I would be very grateful that you take a careful, sensible approach when all the children are together. Some will say that it wasn't your decision to make as not your son. I don't agree. You were in charge of him and you didn't leave him feeling left out. It's just the same if you invite a friend of your child along. You don't give your child some small treats and leave the other child out.

@EmptyTheFrickingBins I agree with PP, the mum’s a loon. Ofcourse you don’t leave a child out. Carry-on doing you!

You did the right thing giving him money to spend it would’ve have been unfair to leave him out. His mum sounds like the type who would complain no matter what you did.

You did the right thing, you wouldn't have left their friend out in the same situation so why would you leave SS out? Think it's safe to say whatever you did you'd have been in the wrong. Ignore and leave her to rage on her own or with friends (who will think she's being ridiculous too)

It's fine! If his dad had given him his pocket money as expected, he probably would have ended up buying the same things in the shop anyway. But regardless, one parent can't randomly demand that certain rules are followed when a child's with the other parent; unless something's happening that puts the child in danger it's up to the dad in this case, and he trusted you to handle things, which you did. If the mum wants shared rules across both households about how the child can spend his pocket money she has to work it out in advance with the dad, and then he can tell you. You shouldn't be in the middle.

She would have moaned if you hadn’t given him any money! Does she usually find something to nitpick about?

You did the right thing OP and the mum sounds like a loon. Who probably would have complained if you hadn’t given him the money.