AIBU for giving my stepson shop money so he was not left out

Just ignore the silly cow. What happens on his father’s contact time is up to his father, and that includes being cared for by you in whatever way you see fit. She can ban “tat” from her house if she really wants to (good luck to her with that 😆) but she has no control of what happens at his father’s.

You absolutely did the right thing and DSS will love you for it! His mother sounds like a right piece of work and would probably have had a go at you if you’d left him out!!

OP, you did exactly the right thing. Giving something to two out of three children is always the wrong thing, surely. You can't please all the people all the time but if you pleased your step child that sounds like a win. I was never a massive fan of accumulating kids' tat myself when my child was younger but buying something to commemorate a day out seems important. Might your stepchild be able to have a place at your house to keep his 'treasures' so his mother isn't upset by them? You can't have different rules for kids on a group day out. He's lucky to have you in his life. Keep doing what you're doing, OP.

Hopefully she's feeling a bit of a twat for kicking off about it. She should be. She should apologise to you as well really, but I'd just ignore, forget and move on. Does your Dss have a room at your house or anywhere he could keep a few things of his? Including anything you buy? Although most kids would want to take anything new home to show his mum! And she should be happy you're including him and making him feel equal, the way you clearly are.

You wouldn’t have been able to win in this situation. I think you did the right thing, better you get moaned at by mum & th boy wasn’t left out than you get moaned at and he was!

Ask her if she’d prefer you left him home next time.

You did absolutely the right thing.

The boy's mother can tantrum all she likes but it would have been wrong wrong wrong of you to treat two children in your care and not the third. The little boy would have been deeply upset (whether he showed it or not) if you had left him out.

The boy's mum should save her tantrums for things that do matter, and be grateful her son has a stepmum who behaves decently towards him.

I write as a stepmother and a step-grandmother, who always treats every child the same in situations like the one ypu describe.

what sartre said above.
if she doesn’t want tat in her house the child can keep the tat at yours.

She obviously just has an issue with you because you’re the new partner on the scene and she’s bitter/jealous or whatever. Of course you don’t leave a child out, I’d do this for a friend of my children too, never mind stepchild.

You did the right thing OP. I'd not be able to leave a child in my care out either. She'd have soon been whinging if you hadn't and had left her son out. Unfortunately sometimes as a stepmum you are damned if you do, damned if you don't so just do what you feel is right.

You did the right thing and I wouldn’t have questioned it at all. What if your boys decided to buy an ice cream and your SS couldn’t afford one, surely you wouldn’t have left your SS out. Anyway your money or their Dads, technically it’s the same thing surely?

She sounds like the type that you can’t do right for doing wrong. If she had any sense she would be pleased that her DS seems to have a nice step-mum who includes him.

I’m going to take a guess and say this isn’t the first (or last) time she has behaved like this!

I'm going to call it and say you couldnt do write for doing wrong here OP.

Id say she finds fault in a lot of what you do and its just about the fact

• she fucked off her useless ex is spending time with his own child
• she doesnt like you
• insert random reason.

Carry on as you are but id take a critical squint at your "DP"s role in all this.

She’s deliberately picking fault. How long have you been together?

She has an issue with you, not with tat or with someone else giving money. I’d bet that if he’d gone out with a friend and that friend’s parent had kindly given him a bit of money for the gift shop, she’d have had no issue with it. And she’d have complained if you’d left him out. She’s more interested in disliking you than in her son having a nice day.

So his father 'forgot' about him and his mother is a mean spirited controlling cow. Are you sure about maintaining your association with these people?

I’d do that for any child in my care so it was equal. So a step child absolutely.

You did a lovely thing and I’m sure he appreciated it and it did far more for his sense of wellbeing and belonging than the “piece of tat” would have meant to him.

You did nothing wrong .

How awful for a 6 year old to be at a museum with their siblings and not been given the same treats as them just because their mum feels bitter/jealous/ unhappy about whatever the situation is

She needs to let these feelings go and realise that your way is best for her son

I have a (step) neice and her mum moaned when I bought her an ice-cream along with my own kids and my biological neice and nephews .. apparently buying an ice-cream doesn't make me her family 🙄

What on earth is the matter with her. I would be really glad if I were her

Perhaps he has gone home excited to tell his mum about what a lovely day he had and showed her his little treat and it has hit a raw nerve?
Was she working while you were out with the boys?
My sister only worked term time and would sometimes take my children out for the day with their cousins and they loved it of course, I was thrilled for my children to have the opportunity to go to places I couldn't take them but part of me wanted to cry (and sometimes did cry!) because I wanted to take them but couldn't.
Maybe it is something like that for SS mum but she has been a knob about it instead of being grateful you took him.

I would ask if she would prefer to do the childcare. If she is available and your husband is working / unavailable then maybe it would be better if she had him and did things her way.

If dad gives pocket money anyway surely he would have bought the same tat. Makes me wonder if this is about something else?

Nutter.

This is why SM’s can’t win. She’s a jealous nut.

She's a miserable, ungrateful twat