AIBU for giving my stepson shop money so he was not left out

A few people have said this but I completely disagree with it. You’ve got another ten years of this at least. It’s a normal, unremarkable thing to happen, you should continue to act as if it is normal and unremarkable. Not start teaching this boy at 6 years of age manipulation tactics to control his mums unhinged temper, trying to get him to hide things and tiptoe round her over something so ridiculous as a cheap toy on a day out. Buy him the toys and let him take them home, not hide them from his mum. Did she thank you for taking her son out? Was his dad working at the time so you were actually providing free childcare?

Her problem. If the stepson's father has no objection to you giving a 6 year old money with the other boys while stepson is in his custody it is none of her business. Your DH needs to tell her to jump back. She does not get to dictate his home life with his child.

You did a kind thing and DSS will likely remember that. It's nice of you to care that he was not left out after his father had forgotten to give him any pocket money.
In future, maybe he can leave any 'tat' he buys at your house so his mother doesn't make a fuss about it! What a sour puss!

YANBU you sound like a lovely stepmum (said as a single mum)

I am almost exclusively biased and team mum, but not at all here.
my only advise is to keep the ‘tat’ at dads house to reduce the conflict your household receives.

The mother is a total cow, she should thank you for being kind to her son, would she rather that you left him out and therefore he feels rejected and unhappy; perhaps that's what she would prefer, so that she finds an excuse that he doesn't want to come and visit his DF and you.

What kind of mother would want her young child to be taken to a toy shop and then have to watch the other children experience the joy and excitement of buying a new toy whilst not being allowed to join in?!

YADNBU, OP.

F*ck her, basically. Yes you did the right thing. He's 6 bless him, how awful would it have been for him to see your other children get something and not him? Poor kid.
His mother sounds awful to be honest. And I don't think it's anything to do with the excuse of "tat" and all to do with jealousy! She's frightened to death he'll love you more for buying him things. Like others have said, she sounds the sort who'd complain if you hadn't ncluded him.
Instead she should be happy you're treating her child like one of your own. And good on you for that.
You're never going to win with someone like that, just keep being you! x

Yanbu. I'm guessing she's angry with your relationship generally and anything you did would have been wrong.

He was in your care and this was a small, insignificant decision. I presume you also choose what he eats when he’s with you and no one would expect you to call his mum to see if he should have a ham sandwich or a cheese sandwich in the cafe. If you’d done something significant like shaved his head or taken him on the back of a motorbike then I’d say she would be right to be aggrieved, but a pocket money toy from a gift shop, no.

She is ridiculous and you sound like a lovely step mum .

Yanbu I would have done the same even if it was one of my kids friends on a day out. Being left out is horrible
i still remember going to the cinema with a friend their parents and as my parents hadn’t given me any money I didn’t get any popcorn I felt so ashamed! In this situation (I’m also part of a blended family as a child) it’s even more important. You did the right thing , good for you x

Wow she is massively overreacting. Maybe stuff like that can stay at your in future.

Maybe next time tell step son to keep things at yours/his dad's house. I am not sure why she is so annoyed at this as surely you would want him to be treated the same way as his step brothers.

Guarantee if you hadn't given him the money she would be kicking off about you being an evil step mother and treating her som differently.
You won't win with her so don't bother trying

You’re lovely. Of course you should have given him the money.

You did the right thing.

You're a good egg, OP.

Encourage the child to keep at your house things he buys when out with you. Yes his mum is unreasonable.

Leaving him out would have been cruel, but I suspect you can't do right for doing wrong as far as his mum is concerned. You did a good thing.

My step mother would have loved to see me suffer. She would have been furious with my mum and taken it out on me via humiliation.

My mum would have been angry if someone paid for me; she was beyond broke when I was a kid and it would have humiliated her.

I probably would have avoided the shop altogether based on my experiences but don’t at all judge you for being generous and kind.

You were in loco parentis. That means she gave decision making powers to you.

I mean some people are petty you are 100% in the right here you were very kind next time she has to say that in front of her son so he knows it’s his mums choice and not his wicked step mum who is denying him some fun , but as she told you now you can’t give him anymore money she is his mum .

She is unhinged. Tell your DH to sort it out.