Laid back, easy going people - tell me your secret

I don't think you can force yourself to be laid back. I do think a lot of it comes from a secure upbringing. That said, I do think mindset helps: e.g. realising that there are many things in life we cant control; that all we can do is to try our best; and to be very thankful for the good things in life. Just slowing down, not rushing around helps. I do observe people making their lives overly complicated...and that leads to unnecessary stress IMO.

ADHD medication

I’m naturally quite selfish so I don’t spend a huge amount of time worrying about other people. I’ve never had to really work at being laid back, apparently I come across as not giving many shits about things.
Or to qualify that, perhaps rather than selfish, I just don’t seem to have the capacity to focus intently on other people for long periods of time. It’s exhausting enough being in my own head.
Out of sight, out of mind. I live in the moment and I compartmentalise my emotions. Yes I am a high functioning only child with ADHD thank you for asking 🤣

@RhaenysRocksnails it for me - I’m by no means doing ‘great’ but I’m doing ok. I will put my best effort into what I do, but further than that there’s just no point worrying about stuff you have no control or influence over.

In the words of John Lennon (I believe) ‘Everything will be ok in the end. If its not ok, it’s not the end’

I was married to a very stressy man for a long time.
Now I'm not and I've gone back to the relaxed person I used to be.

Over the years, I have figured out:

I will never understand or know everything.
There are many things I can't control.
I won't like everyone I meet, and not everyone will like me.
One person's normal is another person's 'weird'.
If it's not going to do any harm/damage, then leave it be; not liking or understanding it isn't enough to justify picking a fight.
Life can be cruel and indiscriminate.

It helps me focus on things I can change and what really matters.

I am not easygoing by nature and had a childhood that left my nerves utterly shredded.

However, when I feel I might spiral, I always focus on the reality of the situation - how big is this really, what’s the worst that can happen…..

I am also extremely organised which does help when life throws a curveball

Fluoxetine. 😀

I find the magnesium suggestion really interesting and i'm definitely going to give that a try.
But honestly I think I'm just hard wired to stress and worry about everything. Even reading this thread is giving me a knot of anxiety in my stomach.

I think it helps having a secure childhood where being able to manage what life throws at you is taken as read.

Have you started being emotionally flexible, and recognizing in yourself that you are emotionally flexible.

Is there a Locus of Control disparity. (You are late because the traffic is bad, they are late because they have no respect for you!) that fundamentally is about low self esteem?

I'm calmer now I have less stress (few years ago I was caring for older, unwell parents, had a young child and a degree of financial stress) so life is generally easier in many ways.
But how you approach things is a mix of personality and choice. I choose not to take conflict if I can avoid it, I choose not to criticise others and I choose to be happy and enjoy my life.

Being honest with first yourself and then with others around you.

Might help if you can say a bit more about what makes you highly strung?

(God aside if it’s not your thing it’s not mine but this is the serenity prayer but it’s a good way of looking at life regardless)

God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

@Rosy72 Solgar Magnesium Citrate

I agree - when i started supplementing with magnesium around PMS time the difference was night and day. Even my boss noticed 🙈

Anyway, in answer to the OPs question just preparing as best I can for the things that worry me and letting the rest go.

Redudnancy - build an emergency fund of "X" months worth of money and work out a "crisis budget"

Losing parents - i already lost one and found laughter eventually. I will survive it again

My Health - eat right and keep active. Everything else is chance and there is nothing i can do about that

Repair bills that could stress me out - save a pot to help with boiler repairs, fence repairs etc (still working on this tbh)

etc...

I've always been this way. I'm just naturally easy going and just not prone to extreme emotions/reactions plus had a secure non demanding childhood.

Some horrible things happened to me and now I just don't care.
As long as the child is alright and doing well, and my siblings, and I'm looking decent and going to work and keeping on top of the house, I absolutely don't care.
I don't worry about anything because there's no point.
I get briefly stressed sometimes because I'm human but it's over in minutes and I crack on with the day.

Lots here resonate. Asking myself will this matter in a few weeks? Is this actually urgent or just the demand of a chaotic, disorganised colleague?

Also liking oneself and one's own company goes a long way.

You’re going to die relatively soon. Do you want to spend your time worrying about things that don’t really matter?

In my case I've always been this way, it's not something I have to work on.

I used to get hung up on little things ad stress about things like housework etc. I don’t anymore. I ask myself will this matter in a week, a month, year from now. Will anyone die if this or that doesn’t get done? If the answer is no, then there is no need to stress.

For me it a lot of things.
No kids no man no pets no drama.
And loving who i am.

I was born this way really. Sometimes I read MN threads about things that stress out other people and it's something that has never even occurred to me. I've done what I want for most of my life and not cared about what others think. I'm very much a logical thinker so I don't have irrational worries and follow evidence-based arguments.

Yeah, what @Ribbonwort said, sadly.
its the only way. Both will ever be the same again and you can’t change that, ever.
After that you’re oblivious for the first few years and then stuff just rolls off yer. Still happens though. Just don’t have any residual emotional energy to spend on it.
so be grateful that you’re not chilled, because it’s a terrible price to pay

The most relaxed person I ever knew had no Internet, no smart phone, never watched the news, didn't even have a television, never ate processed foods or drunk anything other than water.
In fact, his life consisted of working outside as a handy man, coming home, cooking himself a meal, bathing and going to bed early in order to be up and out the door early the next morning.
He had many friends and was the happiest most relaxed person I have ever known.
He always told me that life is meant to be enjoyed and to 'take it as it comes'.

Not to worry about things that haven't happened yet, they may never happen and even if they do, they are rarely as bad as you imagine them to be.

Age and a couple of life-threatening health problems helped to put things in perspective for me. I can still occasionally get angry, but it doesn’t last, and it certainly doesn’t taint the rest of the day like it used to.

I don't worry about things I have no control over, I make my own way in life, am dependant on no-one, am happy for what I have, have no envious thoughts and could not care less what people think of me.
Some of this comes with getting older but the rest.... I think I have always been like it.🙂